Paranoid

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The sound of a lead pencil hitting paper seemed to be the only noise coming from classroom 64B. Or at least, that was all Ava heard.

Ava didn’t bother to turn around, for she knew exactly what was causing the noise. Or who, for that matter. His name was Joseph Adam Jonas, or Joe for short.

The whispers started, and seemed to blend in with the racket known as pencil tapping. It was like a symphony of unwanted noises, painful noises that brought back memories.

But they couldn’t know yet. It had only been a couple of months. She was careful to hide the evidence, at least for now.

Ava swore that her classmates were looking at her, though. Her peers were glaring at her, whispering harsh words that cut through the silence like small daggers. She was sure of it. All forty two eyes were staring at her back, as she hunched over her table, fiddling with her eraser nervously.

Maybe she was just paranoid.

Either way, she found herself looking up from her textbook anxiously, and craning her neck slightly before scanning the rows behind her. Her eyes stopped immediately on the fourth desk on the left, the last row.

That was indeed where the pencil tapping was coming from. That was where Joe Jonas resided, always.

He was perfection in human form, or at least that’s what she had thought the first time she had met him. He had warm chocolate brown eyes that seemed to be filled with laughter and amusement. His raven hair matted onto his forehead, curling up slightly in the most peculiar places, giving him the effortless look of beauty.

Joe had never liked class, especially Mr. Kelton’s History class that took place every Monday and Friday in room 64B.

”Hi, I’m Joe,” he exclaimed happily, a goofy grin on his face.

The blonde stared back at him in terror, realizing almost immediately that this was the first time a boy had actually introduced himself to her. She was never one of the guys.

“I’m Ava,” she muttered shyly, looking anywhere but his inviting chocolate orbs.

“I know,” he smiled coyly, taking a seat next to her.

This was the first time Joe had ventured out of his seat. It was away from the fourth desk on the left, the last row. He missed his old desk immediately, from the graffiti in the corner to the gum under his seat.

This was on dangerous territory now, and he had to be careful.

“Mr. Kelton is quite nice, isn`t he?”

He stared at her incredulously as she tried to make small talk—about their balding sixty year old teacher.

“Eh, he hates me.” Joe muttered, slumping into the new desk slightly. This was going to be harder than he thought. Maybe he should change the subject. “What do you do for fun?”

“Like hobbies and stuff?” she stared at him, instantly realizing that she sounded like a moronic twelve year old.

“Yeah, like hobbies and stuff.” He chuckled.

“I like to...swim, and draw a bit. I’m not that artistic though.”

“Cool.” Joe nodded, processing this information.

It was something new, and he was slowly getting to where he needed to be.

“So I—“

“Ava, I like you.” Both teenagers blurted out at the same time.

The blonde gawked at him, her grey eyes as wide as saucers.

“What?!”

“I like you Ava. I like you a lot.”

She was speechless. Joe on the other hand, was not. Joe smiled one of hit effortless award-winning smiles, before he sauntered back to his seat, as though nothing had happened between the two.

Ava craned her neck to look at him. And there he sat. Joseph Adam Jonas in all his glory, fourth desk on the left, last row.

She watched him now. He pushed a strand of hair away and out of his eyes. The whispering got louder, but Joe seemed unaffected. His pencil was still going.

Tap. Tap. Tap..

Mr. Kelton was droning on about the American Civil War. His voice only had two levels, one being Monotonous Drawl and the other one being Half-Asleep Drawl. Either way, his voice was nothing to be proud of.

Ava stared up at the clock longingly, watching the small black line travel clockwise, making a quiet click after every motion.

”I like you, Joseph.” Ava said quietly, looking into Joe's eyes. He smiled widely, before grabbing her hand.

“I know you do,” her cheeks flushed a bright magenta, before she looked at him quizzically. “everyone likes me. I’m just that awesome.”

Her tinkling laugh filled the air as both teenagers reached her doorstep. Ava had agreed to go on a date with Joe, but only after his begging, pleading, and small talk about Mr. Kelton’s balding head.

It had turned out well though, both teenagers had a lot in common and they got along fine. He pressed his forehead against hers lovingly, before opening his mouth to speak.

“I love you, Joseph.” She blurted out, her entire face turning a brilliant fire truck red. Joe only laughed though, and tilted her chin upwards.

She was about to apologize, to mutter profanities and assure him that he never had to talk to her again, but before she could say anything, his lips were on hers.

And at that moment, Ava found herself kissing Joseph Adam Jonas, Mr. Fourth Desk On The Left, Last Row.

She was pretty sure a crumpled up paper ball hit her back just then.

Her head flew backwards, and she met the warm eyes of Joe. She internally cringed, attempting to make her eyes go anywhere else.

But his eyes lured her in, captured her in the moment and refused to let her go. He had always been like that. Her Joe.

”Ava, will you be my girlfriend?”

“I..I don’t know what to say.”

“Say whatever comes to mind, preferably yes.” Joe laughed, taking his soft hand in hers. “I mean, you blurted out ‘I love you’ on the first date. The least you could do is say yes.”

“Shut up!” She smacked his arm playfully, causing her hand to tingle and his arm to release five small red dashes, before returning back to its normal color.

“So is that a yes?”

“It’s an ‘absolutely’.” Joe smiled, and captured her lips with his once more. Ava was officially the happiest girl in the world.

It was laughing this time. The laughter was what broke her away from her memories. Her head craned backwards, and her eyes became narrow slits barely visible against her porcelain skin.

Her eyes scanned the area behind her, but nobody was laughing. Nobody had even opened their mouths. In fact, everyone seemed busy writing down whatever was on the board.

But why was the laughing so loud?

Turning her head around, Ava tried to focus on the noted written in sloppy scrawl on the wall in front of her. The words seemed to blur together though, becoming single ink lines on the white panel. She blinked a few times, and the laughing began again.

She whipped her head backwards, but the scene was the same as it had been the last time she had checked. Her eyes traveled back to her notebook, before she realized she was clutching the pen so hard her knuckled were turning white. She let go.

”You’re amazing,” she giggled, wrapping her legs around his waist. His face was flushed, and his lips were swollen from kissing.

“I know,” he laughed, climbing up the stairs, his girlfriend still attached to him.

Joe smiled and crashed his lips onto hers once more. He could taste the hint of alcohol, but he didn’t mind.

Mrs. Jonas had gone away for the weekend, and his brothers were at a baseball game which left Joe in the house alone. He had immediately called his girlfriend Ava, and she had come over a few minutes later.

The couple had started out watching a movie innocently, but had somehow found their way to the liquor cabinet. Now, they were both stumbling up the stairs towards Joe’s bedroom.

“Are you sure?” Joe mumbled, his hot breath tickling her neck.

She nodded, not realizing what she had gotten herself into, before he grinned, kissed her on the cheek and stepped inside his room. Ava followed, and she faintly heard the click of the lock behind them.

“Miss Daly. Miss Daly.” A voice dragged her out of her thought. “Mrs. Daly!”

Large, meaty hands slammed onto her desk, as Ava looked on terrified, letting out a small squeak in the process.

Her face turned a bright red upon realizing it was only her history teacher, Mr. Kelton.

“Is there a problem, Ms. Daly?” his low voice rumbled throughout the class. She shook her head, too terrified to speak.

“Pay attention!” he snapped, slowly turning away from his student and towards the board once more.

Maybe it was paranoia again, but Ava swore she heard a familiar laugh coming from the back row.

”Joe?” she called out meekly, not sure if the figure in front of her was her boyfriend. Ever since the incident a week and a half before, she hadn’t seen Joe at all.

The figure in front of her looked like Joe, and was opening up Joe’s locker, but as she approached, he did not have the Joe smile.

“Hi.” He looked bored, his eyes not meeting her gaze.

He tried to push past her, but it was no use. She stood her ground.

“Hi,” she smiled sweetly, but stopped once noticing Joe’s stoic expression, “have you been avoiding me?”

“Of course not.” He muttered plainly, tossing books in his backpack.

“Okay,” she sighed in relief, leaning against the locker slightly. “Do you want to come to my house after school?”

“I can’t.” He stated, bluntly, getting ready to leave.

“Why?”

“Nick has baseball practice.”

“He only has it on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“Well, Kevin has to go study.”

“Kevin graduated, Joe.”

“Well...I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t okay!”

“Joe. We had sex. Sorry to break it to you, but it wasn’t a dream.” Ava sighed, running a hand through her blonde hair. “Now can you please talk to me?”

“Go away, Ava. Leave me alone!” He hissed, before slamming his locker shut and storming off into the sea of students.

She hated Mr. Kelton at that moment. He was a lying, dirty, rotten pig.

She hated him.

The laughing was back, but Ava’s teacher didn’t turn around. Maybe it was all in her mind.

Whore. A girl to the right of her coughed, and a glare immediately followed.

No, it was real.

Ava sighed, and crossed her arms over her chest. They couldn’t tell. It was too early.

”You shouldn’t get another one.”

Ava froze, and retracted her hand, staring at the sales clerk in front of her.

“Excuse me?”

Even in the middle of the fluorescently-lit pharmacy, she could tell the man in front of her was a creep. He had a sleazy smile plastered on his face, his skin was a wrinkly, discoloured yellow, and his eyes narrowed in an ugly manner.

“That’s the third test today,” he smiled, showing three missing teeth. Ava hastily put the box down. “It’s either you’re pregnant or you’re not.”

Her cheeks flushed, and she refused to meet the man’s gaze, while he gave her another disgusting smile.

Instead, she slapped a few dollar bills on the counter and took off, ignoring the yells coming from the man behind her. She began walking home, her pace starting from a brisk walk to a full out run.

Once she was safely in her small one-story house, she made her way to the bathroom and shut the door. Her mother was at work, and her father had left when she was quite young, so Ava had the house to herself.

Ava’s mind flashed to an image of her mother finding out what she had done. Ava was going to die.

Taking a breath, Ava ripped apart the box she had bought minutes ago, and pulled the stick towards her. Sighing deeply, she did her business and waited. Twenty minutes the box had said..

She washed her face and brushed her teeth. She ended up showering, feeling dirty and unwanted. Pulling back on her clothes around half an hour later, Ava glanced at the stick anxiously.

She gasped, a loud audible sound that made her cringe.

A pink plus sign taunted her for the third time that day.

She had tried to tell him. She honestly had. She had opened and closed her mouth a million times that day, trying to find the words to say.

It was bad enough that she was pregnant with his baby. It was even worse that he refused to talk to her, and had promised to have nothing to do with her.

She had thought that maybe he would change his mind, that he would talk to her again if he found out. It had been three months. Three long months of not talking.

She had assumed they had broken up, and so had he. After all, he was chasing after Laura Cash now, totally unaware that in six months Ava would be having his baby.

She couldn’t hide it forever though. There was only so much baggy clothing could do.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

She didn’t bother turning around, instead, she cradled her stomach lightly. She tried to concentrate on her work for a while. And it worked.

But the whispering had stopped. So had the tapping.

She turned around slowly, her eyes drifting across the room until they landed on his spot.

The fourth seat to the left, the last row.

It was empty though, with no signs of Joe ever being there. Mr. Kelton turned around, but he didn’t even notice the empty seat.

Everyone was doing their work quietly, but Ava couldn’t focus.

Did that mean he was gone?

Maybe Joe had always been there. Or maybe he never existed.

Maybe, she was paranoid.