Missing in Action

After my blow up, my life seemed to run on autopilot. Anything that I did, I was never full into. I simply did what I needed to do automatically. My heart was never into anything that I did anymore. I did everything nearly emotionless. I was beginning to think that I was sinking into a depression.

All of the press that I was receiving didn’t help me either. The press was a constant reminder of how fucked up my life was. I was reminded every day, that for the past 15 years, I had no idea who I was. Everyday of my life had been a lie, up until now. I had no idea who I was; this wasn’t something that anyone could simply adjust to.

Time passed after I got the results and soon, it was time for me to go. I was going to be flying back home, to their home, with the guys, my brothers. Once we got there we would start decorating my room. They would start doing anything to help me get settled, but it was no use.

I didn’t think that any fresh paint, new furniture, clothes or anything would help me. I still wouldn’t know who I was. I would still have to use my time to figure out who I was. I would have to try and rebuild and replace 15 years of memories, good and bad.

Kendra and Brandy were leaving today as well. I hated for them to go in my time of need, but New Jersey wasn’t far from Maryland at all. Their flight was later than mine, therefore the guys were picking me up.

This would be the first time that I saw the guys since the day I blew up. After I blew up, I demanded Kendra to take me back to the hotel. I turned my phone off, keeping anyone from reaching me. Kendra had to call the guys to tell them that I was safe, apparently they were all looking for me.

I knew for a fact that today was going to be awkward. Not only had I not talked to them, but I didn’t talk to anyone, besides Brandy and Kendra. If you had to talk to me, you did it through them. They would tell the guys how I was, whenever they called. They became like secretaries to me.

I had no idea how the guys were going to react, to seeing me. They would either be silent, but what me like a hawk, or ask me thousands of questions.

I hoped for the second reaction. The first reaction would make me paranoid and uncomfortable. I wouldn’t know how to behave, because they would be studying my every movement.

I stood in the lobby of the hotel, staring at the doors. The hotel was already surrounded by paparazzi, something that happened every day. They were hoping to get a picture of me leaving, the same thing that they did every day.

At the moment, they were taking pictures of a black SUV. I knew that the guys,my brothers, were in there. There wasn’t any other possible explanation for them to take a picture of the car.

I sighed before I turned around. There stood Kendra and Brandy, sending me sympathetic smiles.

We had already said our goodbyes in the room, but they walked me down to the lobby for moral support. Kendra was going to walk me to the car, since she was going to turn the rental car in.

Brandy was going to stay here, and simply catch up on her sleep for a few more hours. She didn’t plan on changing her clothes until it was time for them to leave.

Brandy sent me one more, smile before giving me a hug. I couldn’t help but to hug her back. I didn’t know when the next time I would see her would be. I tried to remain strong, I didn’t want to break down and cry. Not here, not now.

“Be strong okay,” Brandy whispered.

I nodded my head, as I closed my eyes. I opened my eyes once we separated. Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away. She was trying to be strong for me as well.

“Ready?” Kendra asked as she stepped forward.

Kendra has been holding up well for me this entire time. She always gave me her ear, listening to anything I had to say. She gave me space when I needed it, and company when I wanted it. She’s been there for me, throughout everything.

Not to mention, handling all my calls when she didn’t have to. She also dealt with Claire for me. She dealt with everything for me, and she didn’t even have to. When I tried to thank her she simply waved me off and said “that’s what best friends do”.

I nodded my head as I pulled my hoodie closer to me. I knew that it was hot, outside, and that I wasn’t going to need the hoodie, but I wore one anyway. Besides, I wasn’t going to be outside for long anyway. I wouldn’t look completely ridiculous, wearing one.

I reached into my purse, pulling out my aviators. I wear them constantly now.

I no longer wore my contacts, but I hate seeing my brown eyes. I hid them; I hid them from the world to be someone I’m not. I was ashamed of them before, and for that, I was ashamed of myself.

I slipped them on before turning on my heel. With one last wave over my shoulder to Brandy, I head for the door.

As soon as I step foot outside, the flashes begin. I knew that if I wasn’t wearing my aviators, I would be somewhat blinded by the enormous amount of flashes. They began screaming questions at me, hoping to get answers. They tried anything that they could to get me to look at them, but my gaze remained on my shoes.

My security had to hold the paparazzi back from reaching me and Kendra. That was something else that changed since the word got out. I now have as much security as Justin Bieber. There are so many of them that I didn’t bother counting. I had no idea how Justin, or even the president, could deal with being surrounded by so many people all the time.

Eventually we reached the car, paparazzi still screaming questions at me. One of my bodyguards opened the door for me, as the others held the press back.

I turned around to face Kendra, who was still behind me. I quickly gave her one last hug, which she returned, before climbing into the truck.

As soon as the doors closed, I tensed up. I knew exactly who I was in the car with. I looked up form my shoes, to see that everyone’s gaze was on me. Big Rob was in the driver’s seat, glancing at me, while waiting for the signal for us to pull off, my things were being loaded into the other car. Mr. Jonas was sitting in the passenger seat, looking at me through the rear view mirror. Kevin was sitting in the seat next to me, while Joe and nick were in the back.

Everyone was paying attention to me, and me only. They were waiting for my reaction, to see if I would blow up once again.

Instead I simply gave them a small smile. I was glad that I was wearing my aviators, because if I wasn’t then I knew that they would see that my smile was fake.

I quickly set my gaze on the window as we began to pull off. I closed my eyes as I leaned against the window. I could still feel eyes on my, causing me to shift in my seat.

They picked the second reaction.