Without you, I would die...
It can't be true...
A silent screaming no slipped my mouth as I burst into tears on the doctors exam table.
"We can understand the shock you will be experiencing at the moment and we can offer psychiatric help for it but-"
My mind could no longer concentrate and what he was saying. Dr Alyx's diagnosis of sore bones and something about blood blockage or something had now become cancer.
Everything that he said now just turned into blah, blah, blah.
Not caring whether I was interrupting or not, I asked,
"Can't I like get, chemo or some shit? I have the money. Even a transplant? Just anything!"
"Yes, you can but there's some more bad news before any treatment is given."
"Nothing can be worse"
"I'm..." he paused trying to think whether he was pleased or sad to announce this news.
"I'm sorry to say that you are also carrying a child."
"Oh my fucking god"
"With, or without treatment, your child will suffer disabilities or problems with health. They may not survive for long, and to help prevent trauma the wisest choice is to abort"
A long silence followed when my answers had been recieved, yet with the most twisted consequences.
I had finally conceived, but for the good of my kid, I had to let it go.
"I'd like to have a while to think to myself please"
"Yes, of course."
When I heard the door click shut, I burst out into tears.
Why? Why did this have to happen? Why?
Syn would be so pleased, but to hear it in this way, having a child is not good news. And then, what would the family say? Jimmy, mum, dad?
No. I'm going to talk to them later, but I'm keeping this child. I'm going to love it, cherish it, and let it live a life like any other normal child.
Being only 20, this news was pretty hard to handle. I didn't know whether to be happy, sad, angered or careless. Syn was the father to my miracle child, he'd never believe it. Learning that from a young age I was born with alot fewer eggs than the average female, I was less likely to conceive and would be best to adopt.
I would never have guessed that after not having my period for a few months that I'd be pregnant. It's just normal that I don't get it regularly.
Yes, I'm keeping the kid. Syn will probably agree to it as well.
My outlook on life had always been simple. Live to the fullest, you can't stop yourself from dying. Eat healthy, exercise and all that other crap was a load of bull. It's only going to extend your life. Sure you'll get more time to do want you want if your healthy and skinny, but who knows, you could get murdered tomorrow. I'm not going to get the chemo or whatever treatment they're giving me, this childs going to live as normally as possible.
Dr. Alyx just opened the door to check if I was okay, and I told him of my choice.
Like other people, he was a total dick about it and kept on asking me if I was sure and shit.
Well for fuck's sake I wouldn't be saying it if I hadn't thought about it would I? And what was I doing for that last 10 fuckin minutes? Sitting around staring at the wall? I thought to myself.
Man some people can be fuckwitted.
Leaving the building, the anxiety level in my heart rose from 9/10 to 83/10.
How was I going to tell Syn? And then Jimmy? He's such a worrying brother. The best older brother ever, but always overly loving. Did I even have to tell Mum and Dad?
Thought's just kept on flooding my mind.
No. Stick to my beliefs. Just get it over and done with. I can't control the outcome.
Stopping the Black Lamborghini in the driveway, I heard Syn playing around on his Gibson les paul.
Opening the door I wished things were different...
"We can understand the shock you will be experiencing at the moment and we can offer psychiatric help for it but-"
My mind could no longer concentrate and what he was saying. Dr Alyx's diagnosis of sore bones and something about blood blockage or something had now become cancer.
Everything that he said now just turned into blah, blah, blah.
Not caring whether I was interrupting or not, I asked,
"Can't I like get, chemo or some shit? I have the money. Even a transplant? Just anything!"
"Yes, you can but there's some more bad news before any treatment is given."
"Nothing can be worse"
"I'm..." he paused trying to think whether he was pleased or sad to announce this news.
"I'm sorry to say that you are also carrying a child."
"Oh my fucking god"
"With, or without treatment, your child will suffer disabilities or problems with health. They may not survive for long, and to help prevent trauma the wisest choice is to abort"
A long silence followed when my answers had been recieved, yet with the most twisted consequences.
I had finally conceived, but for the good of my kid, I had to let it go.
"I'd like to have a while to think to myself please"
"Yes, of course."
When I heard the door click shut, I burst out into tears.
Why? Why did this have to happen? Why?
Syn would be so pleased, but to hear it in this way, having a child is not good news. And then, what would the family say? Jimmy, mum, dad?
No. I'm going to talk to them later, but I'm keeping this child. I'm going to love it, cherish it, and let it live a life like any other normal child.
Being only 20, this news was pretty hard to handle. I didn't know whether to be happy, sad, angered or careless. Syn was the father to my miracle child, he'd never believe it. Learning that from a young age I was born with alot fewer eggs than the average female, I was less likely to conceive and would be best to adopt.
I would never have guessed that after not having my period for a few months that I'd be pregnant. It's just normal that I don't get it regularly.
Yes, I'm keeping the kid. Syn will probably agree to it as well.
My outlook on life had always been simple. Live to the fullest, you can't stop yourself from dying. Eat healthy, exercise and all that other crap was a load of bull. It's only going to extend your life. Sure you'll get more time to do want you want if your healthy and skinny, but who knows, you could get murdered tomorrow. I'm not going to get the chemo or whatever treatment they're giving me, this childs going to live as normally as possible.
Dr. Alyx just opened the door to check if I was okay, and I told him of my choice.
Like other people, he was a total dick about it and kept on asking me if I was sure and shit.
Well for fuck's sake I wouldn't be saying it if I hadn't thought about it would I? And what was I doing for that last 10 fuckin minutes? Sitting around staring at the wall? I thought to myself.
Man some people can be fuckwitted.
Leaving the building, the anxiety level in my heart rose from 9/10 to 83/10.
How was I going to tell Syn? And then Jimmy? He's such a worrying brother. The best older brother ever, but always overly loving. Did I even have to tell Mum and Dad?
Thought's just kept on flooding my mind.
No. Stick to my beliefs. Just get it over and done with. I can't control the outcome.
Stopping the Black Lamborghini in the driveway, I heard Syn playing around on his Gibson les paul.
Opening the door I wished things were different...