Gone Awry

A few corridors away from the professors office, Ash looked down at the draught that Snape had given her. A calming draught, huh, she thought to herself, before letting her body lean against one of the cold stone walls in exhaustion. Letting her body slip down the wall until she sat on the floor she starred at the air in front of her.

"I can't believe this is happening to me," she said to herself aloud. "How can I let that ... freak... change me so much? how can I let him and his actions affect me like this?" she asked herself.

"Merlins beard... I'm even started to talking to myself!" she chuckled dryly.

"... how pathetic..." she added with venom in her voice.

Still sitting on the floor, she thought back at the start of this whole mess... The day her family had found her in the English Garden.

It had been night, the only time she trusted to get out of her little cave and breath some fresh air. The sky was clear, no cloud in sight that could have hindered the bright white moon to shine onto the earth and grace it with its beautiful light. The stars around the moon decorated the sky in a glamorous carpet of diamonds.

She had just crept out of her hole and stalked away form the group of still sleeping muggle kids that had found themselves in the same hopeless and homeless situation as she had. Everyone had their reasons for being here, but no one talked about it. It was the unwritten rule in their little community.

Normally she stayed very close to them, but tonight she needed a bit of time to herself, needed some time to think things through and plan her next steps. It had been 3 months since that fateful day and somehow she had managed to hide until today. But she knew that she couldn't stay hidden in the English Garden forever. One day someone would find her and she just hoped it wouldn't be the murderers of her parents.

Slowly she had made her way across the city park, until she reached the white Monopteros of the English Garden, that caught and reflected the moonlight so perfectly. Shining white, she slowly walked up the small hill and sat herself down on one of its gleaming steps. From here she could over look the majority of the park as well as see the silhouette of the Bavarian capital.

Here and there she saw a few fires warm groups of people near the river and she heard their silent giggles and loud talking as if she were standing next to them. During the summer time there were always a lot of people having midnight picnics and having fun in the English Garden once that sun set began and most of the time they only headed back to their warm homes and comfortable beds when the sun was about to lighten up the world again.

Not thinking, not knowing of the horrors that where spiking this world. Not knowing of the horrors that would await them once You-Know-Who reigned the earth. Not knowing, not thinking, not caring...

Freezing at the mere thought of You-Know-Who, Ash had slung her arms around her body and stared into the night. Thinking. Dreaming. Wishing.

Thoughts screamed at her so loudly, that she never heard the oh so familiar voice of one of the boys she had spend the last few months with, struggling to talk to a few people in his newly acquired English, nor did she hear the heavy foot fall of the two elder people he was escorting up the hill towards the the skinny girl who was gazing at the sky with dreamy eyes. Only when two strong arms slung themselves around her body and help her tightly as the owner started to cry into her shoulder, was she ripped out of her minds sanctuary and back into reality. The reality of horror and pain, the reality of loss and fear, the reality of life.

While remembering the moment that her uncle had found her and hugged her closely, she snuggled herself into her own arms, hugging her knees tightly to her body, trying to feel the warmth of that moment, not the cold. When she figured that her arms weren't enough to give her warmth, she took a hold of her Quidditch cape to throw across her body, before allowing her mind to wander into the past once again.

Two weeks had passed since her Uncle and Aunt had found her in Munich and had brought her to the Burrow. Two weeks had passed since she had uttered a word.

She didn't want to be found, she told herself and hoped that her glares at the cheerful red headed family conveyed that message fittingly. but she knew that it was a lie. If she didn't want to be found, she'd have apparated into a different country. No body would have looked for her in Africa of Asia. Hell, even another German city would have cut the deal. But no. She had stayed in Germany, she had stayed in Munich, a city only 30 minutes away from her old home and a city where her British relatives knew she would be if she wanted to be found.

Her cousins had all tried their best to make her laugh again, or maybe say a word, but so far they had all failed. Until Ron had enough.

"Ash, cut the crap," he had yelled at her and slapped her face hard when she didn't even look at him. "You know what? I'm sick and tired of your silence and gloomy attitude!" he screamed.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley!" his mother had yelled at him, but he had just ignored her.

"I know you feel crappy, I know you hate life right now, butGET OVER IT!" he screamed at her and took a hold of her shoulders shaking her small frame thoroughly.

That brought Ash to forget vow of silence for the first time. "Get over it, you say? Get over it? You know nothing of the way I feel right now! You know nothing of the pain, nothing of the horror, nothing of the loss that has taken over my heart!" she said silently, but fiercely making everyone strain to hear her words.

Ron smiled at her words as he kneed down in front of her, so that he was on the same eye level as she was. "Then tell me about it, I want to know, I want to help you," he said quietly, looking into her eyes.

Ash could still picture her cousins blue eyes perfectly, as they had stared at her with such a great warmth and acceptance. She had lost herself in those eyes. Fell into a deep sea of warmth that she had missed so greatly while she had been away from her family and friends.

Ron she thought to herself silently as the reality of the cold stone against her back and she was once again sitting in one of the many corridors of the Hogwarts castle.

Ron had been there for her the last time she had become a wreck like this. Ron had been the one to pull her back to life. Ron had been the one to make her accept reality once again. Ron had been the one to get a grip of her mind again.

"Ron," she repeated his name, only speaking out loud this time.

"Ron," she said again and again and again as she pushed herself of the ground and hurried down the corridor in the search for her cousin.