Oh Baby, You Can Do So Much Better.

Telling Luke wasn't as hard as I expected. He wasn't super pissed and he didn't break up with me, which was surprising. I had called the doctor and set up a date to take the paternity test. We were going in Wednesday after school, it happened to be a half day because the first set of first semester finals would be starting.

I was just laying in bed looking over some of my study packets when my phone rang. It was kinda late and I really wasn't expecting a call. When I looked at the id it said unknown number but I was slightly curious about who would be calling and for what.
"Hello?" I answered. I waited for about thirty seconds with no response when I heard a voice.
"Don't hang up, I just wanna talk...please."
"Alex?" I asked into the phone. My mind had to be playing tricks on me, he wouldn't call, he doesn't care.
"Yeah...hey Kate" he said kinda awkwardly, I could tell that actually calling me Kate was weird for him. Most of the time when he called he would call me babe.
"Um..what do you want Alex?" I asked. I really didn't understand why he was calling me. When we talked he made the fact that he didn't want anything to do with either me or the baby clear.
"I just...I want to make sure you're okay. And, you know, mini Gaskarth's okay and whatever" he said.
"We're fine so far. I went to the doctor on Monday and I have a healthy baby so far. It just makes me sick a lot" it was true, I was always puking.
"Oh...maybe you're just not eating food it wants" he said and I heard a small smile in his voice. As much as I knew that I should be mad and hate him, I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I missed and loved him that much more.
"Well I'm basically eating whatever I crave. Let me tell you, this kid loves all your favorite foods...all I crave is fucking ramen noodles, peanut butter and milanos" he laughed a little before the conversation got serious.
"Look...I know that I was a total dick when you told me and I know that you probably hate me and I really just want to say sorry. I'm so unbelievebly sorry that I can't be there for you two" he said, his voice growing quieter and quieter.
"Why not Alex? Why can't you be here for us? What's holding you back?!" I asked. I didn't understand why he was doing this to me.
"You know that I'm not in any shape to be a father, or a boyfriend for that matter! I fuck up everything I do and I don't want to fuck up this kids life and yours. I don't deserve you or that baby inside you, I know that and you know that. As I've been saying for awhile now...you can do so much better Kate, please, just forget about me..."
"Alex! I don't care about your past and neither does this baby! We're not judging you! You're gonna fuck up this kids life by not being in it! It needs its Daddy. As far as I'm concerned the past is the past and this kid of ours doesn't care that its Dad is in rehab. All it knows is that it loves you..and I love you" I said as I started crying.
"I'm sorry Kate. Maybe one day when I get clean I'll come around, but for now I can't be there. I'm so sorry" he said as he hung up the phone, leaving me once again with nothing but tears.