Dichotomy.

It’s after sound check, on my way to the bathroom, when Tom approaches me.

“I just wanted to apologize for the other morning.” He rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I mean, I won’t tell anyone or anything.” I shrug, acting indifferent even through the awkwardness.

“No big deal. It was just a one-time thing, anyway,” I state placidly, continuing my walk. He falls into step beside me.

Two time thing, if we’re being technical…

He shrugs.

“Well, you know how Tina is…”

“You know her better,” I point out. I stop walking, suddenly curious. He takes an extra step before realizing I’ve stopped. “Hey...what was she like before…”

“Before this?” he finishes. I nod. “Pretty much the same. A little…happier, I guess you could say. Still cynical. Still intense. Still…Tina.” He shrugs again.

“Right,” I say, just because I don’t know how to end the conversation.

“Hey, Brendon?” he asks, as he’s about to walk away. I look at him and he has this lopsided, unreadable half-smile plastered on his face.

“Yeah?”

“Good luck,” he replies, continuing on his way.

Good luck with exactly what, I’m not so sure what he means.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

When I get back to the bus, Tina’s leaving.

“Hey,” I say, stopping her. “Wanna grab lunch?”

She does a double take and doesn’t say anything for a while. Her hair is tied up in a ponytail and her eyes narrow slightly at me, suspicious because…well, because it’s me.

“What?” she asks, finally.

It’s understandable, after all.

“Spencer already ate. Everyone else is busy. Do you want to get food with me?” I repeat calmly, even though I’m getting more exasperated by the second.

The truth is…what am I even doing?

This isn't how our relationship works.

She continues to eye me suspiciously but she follows me.

Ten minutes later we’re sitting in a plastic booth and she’s picking at French fries while I essentially inhale a cheeseburger. She shoots me semi-disgusted look as we eat in silence. I suddenly get very conscious of my chewing.

My foot accidentally brushes against hers and I feel her flinch.

-and then I rub my foot back against hers.

“Stop it!” she scowls. Her annoyance is endlessly entertaining to me, although I can never really figure out why. I take my foot back and she gives me a death glare.

We fall silent again.

“So…the other night…” I start. She stares back at me blankly with a look that clearly says ‘drop it.’

“Look, no one’s getting hurt here,” I point out. “Right?”

“What do you mean?” That scowl is still etched on her face, but slowly fades when she realizes I’m not going to just drop things like this anymore.

“You hate me,” I state.

“Your point?” she retorts blandly, raising her eyebrows. Her fingers play with the straw of her soda.

“If I hate you and you hate me, then there’s no reason we can’t be adults about this,” I state diplomatically. Selfishly. I run a hand through my hair.

She stares me down with an almost unreadable expression. Her features soften from their previous annoyance and she eyes me skeptically.

“Right…” she states slowly, unsure where I’m taking the conversation. The next ten seconds are painfully silent.

“I’m just saying…hypothetically…if we hate each other, and no one’s getting hurt…” I continue, shrugging slightly. “Then why shouldn’t we…enjoy ourselves?” I pause, almost cringing at my wording choices.

“I guess you have a point,” she agrees, chewing on her lip as she studies me. “One condition, though.”

“What’s that?” I ask neutrally. She leans back before speaking again.

“When this all goes to hell, I just want it on the record that this was all your idea.”