Status: active
Forgotten
The Paths of Truth
As soon as I got a good look at his face, I knew that there was something different about him. I couldn't quite place it though. I could have sworn that I'd seen him before. I could have sworn that I'd known him. His face was absolutely beautiful, and his voice sent shivers of recognition down my spine almost melting my soul. I felt so safe when he was around.
Evander.
I tried and tried to find some memory, any memory that would connect my life to his. I spend hours upon hours in my room just trying to deduce something about the man. I felt like I was connected to him somehow, but I couldn't place anything about him. His smell seemed so familiar, almost to the point where I didn't notice that there was a difference when he came in the room. It was like I'd been around it so long that there was nothing that could panic me when he was near. His voice was like a wooden wind chime that sounded softly, and just everything about him screamed recognition. But I couldn't for the life of me find anything in my limited memories of him.
I felt so terrible for everything that had initially happened between us. I felt awful that I had mistaken him for an intruder. Violence was something that I never resorted to, but he'd startled me. I can't have the Mistress finding out that I'm still slipping away into the forest whenever possible. I hate being cooped up in the stuffy keep. Everyone there seems to be scrutinizing my every move, and I just can't take that. At least when I'm outside, I can feel as though I'm safe. The wilderness calls to me; it feels so natural.
And then everything with Jameson. I hated being touched and he knew that! They all knew it! I never felt comfortable with someone touching me. It always felt wrong. It felt like they shouldn't be the ones touching me, but Mistress had told me numerous times that it was rude to wave them off. I didn't care though. I felt like I belonged to someone else and that they were mine as well. The thin discoloured line on my left ring finger always assured me that I was right too... I did belong to someone else... someone that loved me... but... where were they? And... what did I do to displease them so that they had left me here alone for so very long?
I'd taken to asking around to anyone that would give me even the most remote of answers, but I couldn't make much sense of half of the cryptic messages that they seemed to be begging me to understand. I didn't understand. They'd give me a puzzle to figure out, almost as if they were begging me to understand. But I just don't understand! If they want me to figure the mystery out so badly then why not just be straightforward about the whole thing? Why be so cryptic and beat around the bush?! Just tell me!
I'd even gone to the Mistress to ask what she had to say. She was always the one that seemed to have answers for me that made sense, but this time it was like she was just blatantly keeping things from me. I don't understand. What could possibly be so terrible that no one will just tell me what's going on, or who Evander is to me.If he is anything to me. No! I can't think like that! No one makes those faces at someone who they don't know. His look of disappointment when I asked him how I knew him was enough to tell me that there was something between us. I don't know what it is, but I'm determined to know what's going on here.
My room was also slowly becoming my best friend. There were days when I didn't leave at all. Luckily there was plenty of reading material in the room, or the days would have passed excruciatingly slowly. I grabbed whatever I could of the volumes of recorded history that I had gathered in my room over the years. Mistress always seemed to be angry when she found me with one, but I wasn't about to let that get to me. I wanted to know what happened in the past, and these volumes were the only ones that I could find that had any mention of "our kind" as Mistress so gleefully calls us.
I don't really understand. I know that there are people who don't live nearly as long as we do; people that age and grow old and die. Such an existence seems so sad, but from what I've read, there have been so many that live very happy lives... making the most of the time that they're given. It seems almost a blessing to have limited time; like the limit has made them desperate to live and make a difference. It's beautiful really. Mistress doesn't agree. She tells me that they're the ones with the curse of death on their shoulders, and it makes them desperate; they do bad things because of it with the mask of doing it for the greater good. I don't agree, we're the ones with the curse.
I tried my very best to find whatever I could that might be tied to me, or, at least, what people say is my doing. I can only trust that they're telling me the truth. I can tell that I am older than quite a few others here simply because they seem to still hold onto some of their humanity. As for me... well... I can't remember anything of my humanity... of it I was even ever human, although there is something that tells me that I was. However, humanity is a lost concept to me. Maybe, if I ever remember what happened to me, or what happened in my life, or just my life in general, I'll be able to understand.
Maybe... maybe Evander knows something. I don't know, but every time that I see him I have this feeling that he knows something about me! He just looks at me and it seems as though he's lost something precious because the sorrow in his eyes just screams out to me. And I catch him staring at me for no reason every time that I see him, and the longing in his eyes just calls to my soul. I want to go and comfort him, but I feel as though he doesn't want me to come near him and does at the same time. I'm so confused...
I can feel that there's something that he's hiding from me; just like everyone else here. But it's not like he's doing it because he's trying to hide something from me, or he's trying to hold my past over my head. He's not like the others here. Everyone that I've asked seems almost genuninely scared to tell me something that might cause problems, almost like they'll get in trouble if I find something out. But, how could that possibly make sense? What on earth have I done that's so terrible that everyone would be scared to tell me? Or... what's going to happen to them if they do?! Evander doesn't seem to have these worries for himself when he looks at me. It's like he's so happy to see me walking about, but at the same time, he's sad. I know that he knows something, but... maybe he's trying to protect me...
But why?! What is so important that no one here can even give me more than some cryptic hint? Would it make sense to me if I really was the person that they claim that I am? Would everything suddenly become clear if I were to just suddenly stumble upon the truth? I don't know... and neither does anyone else...
But maybe... just maybe, I can convince Evander that I can handle whatever this terrible truth is. Maybe... maybe he's the key to me understanding what on earth is going on.
Evander.
I tried and tried to find some memory, any memory that would connect my life to his. I spend hours upon hours in my room just trying to deduce something about the man. I felt like I was connected to him somehow, but I couldn't place anything about him. His smell seemed so familiar, almost to the point where I didn't notice that there was a difference when he came in the room. It was like I'd been around it so long that there was nothing that could panic me when he was near. His voice was like a wooden wind chime that sounded softly, and just everything about him screamed recognition. But I couldn't for the life of me find anything in my limited memories of him.
I felt so terrible for everything that had initially happened between us. I felt awful that I had mistaken him for an intruder. Violence was something that I never resorted to, but he'd startled me. I can't have the Mistress finding out that I'm still slipping away into the forest whenever possible. I hate being cooped up in the stuffy keep. Everyone there seems to be scrutinizing my every move, and I just can't take that. At least when I'm outside, I can feel as though I'm safe. The wilderness calls to me; it feels so natural.
And then everything with Jameson. I hated being touched and he knew that! They all knew it! I never felt comfortable with someone touching me. It always felt wrong. It felt like they shouldn't be the ones touching me, but Mistress had told me numerous times that it was rude to wave them off. I didn't care though. I felt like I belonged to someone else and that they were mine as well. The thin discoloured line on my left ring finger always assured me that I was right too... I did belong to someone else... someone that loved me... but... where were they? And... what did I do to displease them so that they had left me here alone for so very long?
I'd taken to asking around to anyone that would give me even the most remote of answers, but I couldn't make much sense of half of the cryptic messages that they seemed to be begging me to understand. I didn't understand. They'd give me a puzzle to figure out, almost as if they were begging me to understand. But I just don't understand! If they want me to figure the mystery out so badly then why not just be straightforward about the whole thing? Why be so cryptic and beat around the bush?! Just tell me!
I'd even gone to the Mistress to ask what she had to say. She was always the one that seemed to have answers for me that made sense, but this time it was like she was just blatantly keeping things from me. I don't understand. What could possibly be so terrible that no one will just tell me what's going on, or who Evander is to me.If he is anything to me. No! I can't think like that! No one makes those faces at someone who they don't know. His look of disappointment when I asked him how I knew him was enough to tell me that there was something between us. I don't know what it is, but I'm determined to know what's going on here.
My room was also slowly becoming my best friend. There were days when I didn't leave at all. Luckily there was plenty of reading material in the room, or the days would have passed excruciatingly slowly. I grabbed whatever I could of the volumes of recorded history that I had gathered in my room over the years. Mistress always seemed to be angry when she found me with one, but I wasn't about to let that get to me. I wanted to know what happened in the past, and these volumes were the only ones that I could find that had any mention of "our kind" as Mistress so gleefully calls us.
I don't really understand. I know that there are people who don't live nearly as long as we do; people that age and grow old and die. Such an existence seems so sad, but from what I've read, there have been so many that live very happy lives... making the most of the time that they're given. It seems almost a blessing to have limited time; like the limit has made them desperate to live and make a difference. It's beautiful really. Mistress doesn't agree. She tells me that they're the ones with the curse of death on their shoulders, and it makes them desperate; they do bad things because of it with the mask of doing it for the greater good. I don't agree, we're the ones with the curse.
I tried my very best to find whatever I could that might be tied to me, or, at least, what people say is my doing. I can only trust that they're telling me the truth. I can tell that I am older than quite a few others here simply because they seem to still hold onto some of their humanity. As for me... well... I can't remember anything of my humanity... of it I was even ever human, although there is something that tells me that I was. However, humanity is a lost concept to me. Maybe, if I ever remember what happened to me, or what happened in my life, or just my life in general, I'll be able to understand.
Maybe... maybe Evander knows something. I don't know, but every time that I see him I have this feeling that he knows something about me! He just looks at me and it seems as though he's lost something precious because the sorrow in his eyes just screams out to me. And I catch him staring at me for no reason every time that I see him, and the longing in his eyes just calls to my soul. I want to go and comfort him, but I feel as though he doesn't want me to come near him and does at the same time. I'm so confused...
I can feel that there's something that he's hiding from me; just like everyone else here. But it's not like he's doing it because he's trying to hide something from me, or he's trying to hold my past over my head. He's not like the others here. Everyone that I've asked seems almost genuninely scared to tell me something that might cause problems, almost like they'll get in trouble if I find something out. But, how could that possibly make sense? What on earth have I done that's so terrible that everyone would be scared to tell me? Or... what's going to happen to them if they do?! Evander doesn't seem to have these worries for himself when he looks at me. It's like he's so happy to see me walking about, but at the same time, he's sad. I know that he knows something, but... maybe he's trying to protect me...
But why?! What is so important that no one here can even give me more than some cryptic hint? Would it make sense to me if I really was the person that they claim that I am? Would everything suddenly become clear if I were to just suddenly stumble upon the truth? I don't know... and neither does anyone else...
But maybe... just maybe, I can convince Evander that I can handle whatever this terrible truth is. Maybe... maybe he's the key to me understanding what on earth is going on.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry sorry again. I know that I'm being really slow on this but I'm doing my best.Thank you so much to everyone that has stuck with me though this. I'm going to do my best to get things moving a bit faster. :)
If you haven't noticed, I have changed the layout slightly again. I hope that it's easier to read now. :)
Please let me know what you think. :)
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