Eternity

I paced nervously back and forth in my living room. Joe would, no doubt, want to stop by to see what was wrong. There was no way I could hide my emotions from anyone, let alone Joe. As I continued to walk from one end of the living room to the other, there was a knock at my door that startled me.

“It’s open,” I called to the door and Joe opened it slowly, only revealing his head followed by the rest of his body. “I figured you would stop by before going home.”

“Sorry for being a little worried,” he chuckled. I nodded my head and leaned back against the wall next to the opening of the kitchen. “So, what’s going on?”

“Oh, uh, I guess I need to learn how to hide my feelings a little better, don’t I?” I laughed to myself, which turned into a sigh. “Look, I’m just a little stressed at the moment with you being in a car accident and finishing this semester with good grades so I graduate on time. It’s nothing.”

“You’re not the ‘stressing type’ though; or, at least, not from what I’ve seen. When you took the LSAT, you barely broke a sweat that morning or when you got your grades back. Seriously, Alexa, what’s going on?”

Seeing Erik again shouldn’t bother me, expect for what he had said to me right before I left the hospital. Other than that, why couldn’t I just tell Joe what happened?

“Ugh, Joe—” I sighed again.

“Alexa, I’m not forcing you to say anything. Stop making faces like I’m trying to torture it out of you or something,” his tone became serious. “I think that if we’re going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together, we should be able to talk things out when something is bothering us.”

“Joe, I want to tell you but—”

“Honestly,” he interrupted with his voice rising slightly. “I just want you to be real with me; that’s all. Why can’t you do that?”

His eyes stared back into mine with a piercing glare and my heart sank. He looked genuinely disheartened, and it was the first time I’d ever seen him like that before.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Not telling me hurts just the same, Alexa. Just grow up,” he flung his arm in the air and paced towards the couch.

“Grow up?” I repeated with anger creeping up. “I didn’t think that you’d be such a jerk about this. And I would’ve thought you could respect the fact that I can’t always talk about stuff with you.”

“I’m being a jerk? Why can’t you just be honest?”

“Because I didn’t want Erik to ruin what we have together, as much as it’s eating me up inside. I couldn’t let that happen.”

There was a silence between us that was almost deafening. Joe stared at me with his mouth slightly open. This time I wasn’t sure what to say next and I took a step to the side, moving farther from him.

“You think I’m gonna hurt you or something?” He pointed to himself as he asked. “Are you scared of me?”

“No, Joe, it’s not that at all.”

“Then what? I’m not like Erik. I would never overstep my boundaries and hurt you the way he did.” He sat on the couch, leaning on his knees and holding his head in his hands. “I just don’t understand what’s happening here or what’s happening with you.”

“Joe, I’m—I’m trying to tell you, but I can’t.”

At this, he looked up at me and I could see his eyes glistening slightly. He shook his head before standing up and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Do you trust me?”

“What?” I asked and scrunched my eyebrows together. I didn’t know what he was getting at.

“It’s a simple question, Alexa; do you trust me?”

“I—uh.”

He nodded his head again and did a short, nervous laugh to himself.

“I guess that hesitation says it all, doesn’t it? I think I’ll just go then.”

“Joe, please,” I said, taking a step back towards him.

“No, don’t. I can manage leaving by myself.” He turned on his heel and opened the door to leave. But before he was gone, he turned to face me as if to say something, gave one last heartbreaking look, and left.

I could’ve stopped him and I could’ve told him the truth. At this point, I wasn’t sure how to react to him leaving except to lean back against the wall and slide down to the floor with my arms wrapped around my legs. As I sat on the floor and stared at the door that was cracked open a bit, I began to feel tears fall down my cheeks.

I leaned my head back on the wall and looked to the right towards my bedroom when I heard the door creak open.

“I just saw Joe leaving all in a tizzy and he—what are you doing on the floor?”

Jenn closed the door and dropped her bag on the couch before coming over to me. I still wouldn’t look at her, but she was already handing me tissues.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” I whispered.

“Aw, honey, it’ll be okay.” She wrapped her arms around me tightly and rubbed my back. “It’ll blow over, okay? You just cry it out. And when you’re ready, you can tell me what happened.”

I sniffled into her shoulder and I felt her hug tighter. “He hates me,” I whimpered, sounding like a complete idiot.

“What? No, he doesn’t hate you.”

“Yes he does,” I answered, pulling out of her hug. “He hates me and its all because of Erik.”

“Erik? What about Erik?”

“He was in the accident with Joe and I saw him in the hospital.”

“Doesn’t sound good. What happened with that?”

“He questioned my engagement with Joe, which really pissed me off. But—.”

“Oh, no. There’s a ‘but’? This ‘but’ isn’t second thoughts, is it?”

I looked her in the eyes and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know how I feel anymore, Jenn.”

“About Joe…or Erik?”