Eternity

“Please tell me what I do now,” I said to Jenn as I was lying on her couch with my hair hanging off the edge.

“Uh, no offense, but this test that we’re taking in a few days is just a little bit more important than your guy problem. If we don’t pass it, we fail the class remember?”

“Yeah, but I can’t concentrate when I’m thinking about so many things at once. I won’t be able to remember anything. I’m gonna explode if I try to retain any of this information. Can’t we just take a break and go to the mall to get my mind off of things?”

Jenn scoffed loudly and set the pen she had been holding onto the open Criminal Justice book. “Look, I can see that you’re going crazy with the things that have happened lately with you and Joe and Erik, but you can’t keep making yourself feel sick because of it. You need to stop thinking about it for like a minute and worry about other important things; like this stupid test we should be studying for.”

“Please?” I begged, sticking my lower lip out. “Just for an hour?”

“You’re such a pain in the ass. You know that, right?” She arched her eyebrows and I nodded my head. “Ugh, I guess so. But only one hour, got it? I really can’t afford to fail this test and neither can you.”

Finally; I was able to go somewhere. I had to get outside and go somewhere, but only one hour wasn’t going to allow me to get everything off my mind. As soon as I got up to get my shoes on, Jenn leaned back in the chair.

“Hold on a sec,” she said and closed the book in front of her. “Before we go, you have to do one thing for me.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Not at all. I want you to sit down for just five minutes and tell me what’s on your mind, even though I already know what’s wrong. I wanna hear it from you though. And then I’ll bring you to the mall, and maybe even buy you ice cream.”

“Not fair,” I crossed my arms and sat back on the couch. “I really hate when you do this. Don’t expect me to say much.”

“Well, rules are that you have five minutes and during those five minutes, we need to have an actual conversation. Deal?”

I rolled my eyes and eventually nodded my head. “Fine.”

“Okay, then, tell me what the deal is.”

“Jenn, you know what the deal is.”

“Let it out, Alexa. Stop bottling it up and talk about it. I know it’s gotta be eating you up inside.”

“So, I guess telling you that Erik stopped by last night would be something worth talking about?”

The silence was practically unbearable as she stared at me with her eyes as big as saucers. Her expression was nothing more than completely dazed. I swore I saw her eyes roll into the back of her head before I started snapping my fingers in front of her face and she finally blinked her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she shook her head and folded her hands in front herself with the scariest smile I had seen on her, “I don’t think I caught what you just said there. Are you trying to tell me that your abusive, jerk, pompous, arrogant, bigheaded, asshole ex-boyfriend stopped over last night and you didn’t tell me?”

“That’s a huge variety of one definition, huh?” I chuckled to try to relieve the tension. It didn’t seem to work.

“I’m hoping the reason for you not doing so is because you were too exhausted from talking to the police all night about how he’s not allowed to be within a certain distance from you, which would be an excusable reason for not having a chance to call either me or your damn fiancé, or really anybody, to talk it out with someone. So, please,” her face became serious, “explain yourself.”

“Uh, that’s not exactly how it went down. He stopped by to talk with me, and I—.”

“You were what? Too stupid to realize that you were talking to the guy who nearly put you into a coma? Too stupid to remember that he’s not supposed to be near you? Or too stupid to remember that you have a fiancé; the guy who, even though you’re going through a tough time with, is madly in love with you? What the hell is your problem, Alexa?”

“Don’t yell at me like you’re my mother, Jenn. I know damn well I’ve been there to pick up the pieces for you time after time.”

It was becoming a yelling match between the both of us; worse than I could ever remember.

“Alexa, open your eyes!” She started using her hands to talk with and her eyes were wide. “You can’t keep thinking that this thing between you and Erik is helping you in anyway. This is what’s pulling you and Joe apart.”

“Okay, just stop,” I demanded. “Last time I checked, I was allowed to make my own decisions about my life. You can’t keep telling me what’s right and wrong because, from what I remember, you’ve had a lot of wrongs in your life.”

“You know what,” she picked up her book and stood up from the table, “I think I’m gonna leave now. I don’t need your issues piled on my shoulders when I’ve got this test to study for. You can figure this out by yourself.”

“Jenn,” I stood up from my chair as she was just reaching the door.

“No, just listen for a minute. You have problems and you need to fix them, but you won’t allow anyone to help you fix them. So, call me when you’re finally ready to get this area of your life back together.”

With that, I watched her walk out of my apartment, like she had so many times before when we were fighting. I knew what I had done was stupid; I should have known better than to hold back with my best friend.