Dear Katy

After the Halloween show, there was an after party. The girls insisted me to go, eventhough I told them that I was super tired. Now, I was sitting on a red couch, with a glass of vodka in hand, scanning the hotel room, where the party was thrown.

“Kate, you don’t look like you’re enjoying the party.”, Dexter sat down next to me and took a swig of her drink. “What’s wrong?”

“Dex, can I be honest with you?”

She nodded. “Shoot.”

“Well, Alex kind of, kissed me before tonight’s show.”

I peeked from the corner of my eyes and Dexter was coughing quietly because she choked on her drink. “W-What?”, she managed to speak.

“Yeah, he kind of, kissed me.”

Dexter wiped her mouth with her hands and took a deep breath before facing me. “Kind of?”

“A peck on the lips.”

“Katy.”, she groaned. “I thought you said to him that you guys were over!”

“Well, yeah, but you know—“

“There’s only one way to end this…satan circle.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?”

“Decide who you want to be with. There are lots of pros and cons on this, but, I know you could solve it.”

I nodded and she stood up, walking away to mingle. I saw Alex on the other side of the room, talking to Cassadee, and I could see she was trying to flirt with him. He saw me, and I could see him trying to walk away from her.

I stood up and walked out from the hotel room. It felt more serene and quieter than the room, and I sat on the carpeted hallway, with my legs pulled up onto my chest.

My face was buried between my thighs and weirdly, I felt relaxed. Million of thoughts, opinions, and outcomes mashed up inside my mind. Dexter was right, there were pros and cons between my problem.

The pros if I stayed with Paul, from what I’ve known, he was more mature, and he could easily cheer me up. the pros for Alex, He was my first love and I couldn’t forget what I’ve been through with him all those years.

“Hey.”

I looked up and a pair of the warmest brown eyes I’ve known looked down to me. “What do you want?”, I mumbled as I buried my face again.

He sat down next to me and sighed. “I just wanted to check up on you.”

“I don’t need to be checked up.”

“Well, your boyfriend is wasted inside.”

“I don’t really care.”

“Katy, I’m sorry for kissing you before the show.”

I shook my head slightly. “I kind of, wanted you to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

I gathered up the courage to look at his face. When my eyes made contact with his, I could feel my inside was melted. “I love you, Alex.”, I smiled a little.

“You know I always love you.”, he cupped the left side of my face in his hand and I put down my drink. He cupped my face fully and pulled my face closer to him. we closed the space between us.

He pulled me up and we stumbled into his room, which was across from the party room. when we were standing in front of his bed, with our lips still attached to each others, I helped him opened his top and my fingers ran through his wig so it fell off.

He pulled the string of my hood until it fell to the carpeted floor and we both kicked our shoes off. Not too long after that, we were already on the bed, with only our underwears.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?”, he asked me when he was hovering on top of me.

I nodded. “I missed you. I regretted for what I’ve said about we’re over forever.”

When he pushed into me, I could feel déjà vu all over.
**************
I closed the door behind me quietly, so I won’t wake the sleeping Paul on the couch. When I was about to take off my shoes, I stepped on a creaky floor, so it made a noise.

Suddenly, Paul shot up at the couch, and he rubbed his eyes before he looked at me. “Where were you, Katy?”

“I was…with Aubrey.”

“But—“, he yawned, “I saw Aubrey was with Bryan the whole night.”

“No, she wasn’t.”

“I know where you were.”, he narrowed his eyes on me. “You were with Alex, the whole night, huh?”

A lump rose in my throat. I wrapped my arms around my waist and I looked down onto the floor. “Answer me, Katy.”

“I’m sorry.”

When I was about to look up to him, his hand went across my face hardly. My cheek throbbed and stung as I touched it carefully with my fingers. I braved myself up and looked up directly to his eyes. “I’ve never thought you would do this.”

“I’m sorry, Katy.”, he shook his head. “I lost control of my anger.”

“I’m the one who made you did it.”

He quickly pulled me into his arms, and leaned down to kissed my temple. “I’m so sorry, Katy, I’m sorry.”