About a Guy
About A Guy
Why don’t you come back? When you said you´d leave, I didn’t take it seriously. I never thought you were that strong, but now that you´re gone, it´s all blurry for me. And it hurts me to think that you´re out there without a scratch in your heart; but still, I rather you are unharmed than you being out there, hurt and alone. I really hope you´re doing good and that you aren´t missing me like I am missing you, like I am suffering for you.
All those months with my secret crush for you; all those famous sleepless nights, and hunting dreams, all that yearning, just like now. All those times I cried myself to sleep, falling for all those love songs, and listening to Nirvana, thinking that maybe you would be listening to the same song I was.
Those late nights when I was scared to go to sleep; when I feared closing my eyes and having a sweet dream about you, and then wake up to find it was all just a dream, just that, nothing more, nothing less; just a creation of my imagination and my infatuated memories of you.
Don’t let the days go by.
I told myself every morning I got ready for school. When the excitement of seeing you made a knot in my throat; and when I was finally walking through the school, my headphones on and my sight low, my heart beating like crazy and my nerves at their worse. And when I was finally in front of the stairs that led to our class room; you were out there, your back against the wall, one of your feet against the wall, too. Then you would glance down at me and pretend I was no one, pretend I didn’t even attend to your class, pretend you´d never seen me before and then you would go back to talk to your friends. And then I would think that you had no idea of what that indifferent glance caused, what effect it had in me.
If it hurts this much, then it must be love.
The days when I would tell myself it´s all in my head; love isn’t real, and if it is, you can´t experience it, you´re too young and that makes you too stupid when it comes to feelings; then I would deny it and cry, and I wouldn’t even know the reason of my crying, the answer to “why?”, why what? What was it that made me feel so miserable and so dumb at the same time? And why did your smile caused me pain and happiness at the same time?
There´s a free space next to her…
My friend said that time; we were at the library, your friends and my friends. But you seemed impatient, you wanted to go. You´d walk from one side of the library to the other. You wouldn’t take the seat next to me, “No, I´m leaving soon, anyway.” And you would stay there linger a few minutes, when you saw your friends wouldn’t leave, you left, by yourself. And I saw you out the window, how you just walked away. And then my friend arrived, he took the seat you had left untouched.
And now when I find myself writing a whole story of you in my head; when I discover how much you´ve messed me up and how much I´ve been thinking about you, how we´ve never been anything. Not friends, not class mates, not lovers, not even faces in the crowd. And I wonder if you´ve thought about me in this endless vacations, have you? Has my name escaped your lips at night like yours has touched my lips and my mind all this time? Will we ever be anything at all? When the thought of you goes out in my mind like the flame of a chandelier, that’s when I´ll know, I guess, and that means I still have many nights like the ones I´ve been living lately, those that leave purple bags under my eyes and dizziness in my brain.
But if the wind blows your way, I won’t hate you. I´ll know how to lose.
How to lose you? By wanting you at first, by feeling what I think I feel for you in second, and by letting time slip away in third…
All those months with my secret crush for you; all those famous sleepless nights, and hunting dreams, all that yearning, just like now. All those times I cried myself to sleep, falling for all those love songs, and listening to Nirvana, thinking that maybe you would be listening to the same song I was.
Those late nights when I was scared to go to sleep; when I feared closing my eyes and having a sweet dream about you, and then wake up to find it was all just a dream, just that, nothing more, nothing less; just a creation of my imagination and my infatuated memories of you.
Don’t let the days go by.
I told myself every morning I got ready for school. When the excitement of seeing you made a knot in my throat; and when I was finally walking through the school, my headphones on and my sight low, my heart beating like crazy and my nerves at their worse. And when I was finally in front of the stairs that led to our class room; you were out there, your back against the wall, one of your feet against the wall, too. Then you would glance down at me and pretend I was no one, pretend I didn’t even attend to your class, pretend you´d never seen me before and then you would go back to talk to your friends. And then I would think that you had no idea of what that indifferent glance caused, what effect it had in me.
If it hurts this much, then it must be love.
The days when I would tell myself it´s all in my head; love isn’t real, and if it is, you can´t experience it, you´re too young and that makes you too stupid when it comes to feelings; then I would deny it and cry, and I wouldn’t even know the reason of my crying, the answer to “why?”, why what? What was it that made me feel so miserable and so dumb at the same time? And why did your smile caused me pain and happiness at the same time?
There´s a free space next to her…
My friend said that time; we were at the library, your friends and my friends. But you seemed impatient, you wanted to go. You´d walk from one side of the library to the other. You wouldn’t take the seat next to me, “No, I´m leaving soon, anyway.” And you would stay there linger a few minutes, when you saw your friends wouldn’t leave, you left, by yourself. And I saw you out the window, how you just walked away. And then my friend arrived, he took the seat you had left untouched.
And now when I find myself writing a whole story of you in my head; when I discover how much you´ve messed me up and how much I´ve been thinking about you, how we´ve never been anything. Not friends, not class mates, not lovers, not even faces in the crowd. And I wonder if you´ve thought about me in this endless vacations, have you? Has my name escaped your lips at night like yours has touched my lips and my mind all this time? Will we ever be anything at all? When the thought of you goes out in my mind like the flame of a chandelier, that’s when I´ll know, I guess, and that means I still have many nights like the ones I´ve been living lately, those that leave purple bags under my eyes and dizziness in my brain.
But if the wind blows your way, I won’t hate you. I´ll know how to lose.
How to lose you? By wanting you at first, by feeling what I think I feel for you in second, and by letting time slip away in third…