These Words Are Choking Me Slowly

“Why would I be happy about that?” Liam asked me; I’d obviously hurt him with my words. “I still care about you Rainbow.” He muttered softly.

“Yo-You what?”

Maybe Danny was right. He couldn't possibly mean it. …But he sounds pretty sincere.

“Rainbow, I−” Liam started to say, but he was interrupted by the loud ringing of the school bell−signaling everyone to make their way to their homerooms.

Once the bell was done ringing, and people started to shuffle past our small group, I spoke. “You what?” I pried.

“Uh, never mind. I’ll…tell you later?”

Before I had a chance to respond, Daniel spoke up. “Hey, Destiny, you have Mrs. Crawford for homeroom right?” Destiny nodded. “Cool,” Danny said, slightly blushing when he noticed Erin smirking towards him, “want to walk to class together?”

After Destiny nodded eagerly, they said their goodbye’s to us and started to walk to their homeroom; leaving me, Erin, and Liam alone.

Completely ignoring Liam’s presence, Erin turned to me. “What’s your homeroom, Braynie-Raynie?”

“Room 27A, Mr. Frauhood. What’s yours?”

“27B, Mrs. Letsy. Let’s walk together buddy!”Erin exclaimed as she hooked our arms together and pulled us in the right direction.

“Hey! I have 27A too.” Liam said happily as he ran to catch up with us.

Rolling her eyes, Erin said, “We don’t care Lewis. Don’t you have any of your football buddies to annoy?”

“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully, “but, I don’t wanna. I want to annoy you guys.” He grinned.

“Mission accomplished!” Erin screamed.

Once we made it in front of Erin’s homeroom I stopped, and what do ya know, so did Liam. “Bye Berry-Erie!” I said using the corny nickname I came up with when we were in the 4th grade. Then I started to walk to my classroom next door.

“Bye Erin!” Liam said and ran up to me as Erin simply scoffed.

As I entered the classroom and saw that the teacher wasn’t there yet, I sat in the first available seat I saw. Liam followed my example and sat in the desk next to me.

“Hey Raynie, listen. I know we haven’t spoken for a while and all, but I just wanted to−”

“Ugh, would you cut it out already!” I said, aggravated, as I turned to face him. “We hate each other, alright? Don’t try to change something that’s been there for two damn years.”

“But you don’t get it!” He sighed exasperated, “I don’t hate you. I never could hate you, or Erin, even if I tried. I don’t want to hate you.” He said the last part quieter.

“Liam,” I said, irritated at his persistency, “what happened between us happened, okay? I can't take it back, and neither can you. It doesn’t matter if you’re sorry about it or wish you could take it back. You can−”

“Who said I wanted to take it back?” he asked surprised.

He’s surprised? He’s surprised?! I can't believe he would say that!

“What the hell do you mean? Are you saying that you don’t regret what happened?” I asked, beyond pissed.

“Look,” he said in a softer tone, “I’m not saying that I don’t regret what happened in the end okay? I’m just saying that if I could go back in time, the only thing that I would change would be what happened to our friendship in the end. When I did it…I didn’t know how severe the, er, damage would be, alright? I hadn’t known that he’d done all of that, I was just trying to−”

“ ‘Help me’ right? I didn’t need your help! And I told you that! If you would’ve just listened to me…it could’ve all been avoided! If you would have just thought for a second, he would−” I stopped as I choked on a sob. I couldn’t even finish my sentence.

And I resented Liam so much more for making me feel so...so weak; for making me unable to freakin' speak. I hate showing people any signs of weakness...it just makes it that much easier for them to use and hurt you.

Liam looked at me with pleading, sorrowful eyes, “Raynie…I didn’t… If I’d known, I−I wouldn’t have−”

“Okay class,” Mr. Frauhood said as he walked into the room. “As most of you know, I’m Mr. Frauhood. Now if you will all please be seated, you may quietly chat amongst yourselves while I take attendance. Simply answer when I call your name please. And after attendance is done, you may use the rest of the time as a free period.”

Turning back to me, Liam continued, “Raynie, I wouldn’t have−”

“No, Liam. I don’t care. I really don’t care.” With that I popped my earphones into my ears and let the music distract me for the rest of the 24 minutes I had in homeroom.

Too bad it didn’t distract me enough. ‘Cause, even as I tried to doodle in my notebook, I could still feel Liam watching me the entire time.