Please Don't Forgive Me

It was about another week into the tour and it wasn’t so bad. The weirdness had generally subsided and I was going to get coffee for everyone with Kenny.

“How far can a Starbucks be?” I asked in amazement. We had to have walked about a mile and a half and we hadn’t encountered a single Starbucks. “What do you bet that there was one like a block away in the other direction?” He laughed.

“There probably was. In which case, this sucks.” We were in Kansas and it was summer. “Finally,” he sighed as a Starbucks sign came into view. I laughed and ran ahead to the air conditioned coffee shop. I took a place on line and waited for Kenny to catch up. A woman had gotten on line behind me before Kenny got inside.

“Hey, I was here first!” she called as he walked up next to me on line.

“He’s with me,” I mumbled to her and laughed. I mean how third grade.

“Yeah, seriously, Ana, you run fast. Especially considering, well you know.” I shook my head at him for being ridiculous.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said, pushing him forward to order.

--------------------♥--------------------

“So,” I asked on the walk back, “how much is Garrett going to freak out if I don’t answer his text?” I laughed showing Kenny my phone. On the screen it read ‘where are you? You’ve been gone forever.’ Kenny laughed once he had read it.

“I would reply. Last time you didn’t answer he sent you over fifty more and hopped on the next flight to Phoenix.” I laughed and almost made iced coffee come out my nose.

“On the way back,” I mumbled as I typed. “Geeze. It’s like having an overprotective older brother.”

“Oh, it is so not older brother,” Kenny laughed. I tilted my head in confusion. “You know what? Never mind.”

“No. What? Tell me what! Kennedy!”

“No, it’s nothing. It’s really nothing. It’s just,” he paused trying to find what to say next, “I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘older brother.’ That’s all.”

“Oh,” I said. It was soon followed with a louder and more understanding ‘Ooh.’

“Yeah,” he laughed.

“No, Ken, it’s not like that. I mean, I know our friendship seems far from platonic, but there’s not really anything past the witty remarks, concern for one another’s well being, and suggestive comments.”

“For you maybe,” he started. “But for him there’s definitely something more. Trust me. We’ve gone on how many tours together? Trust me, there’s more.”

I rolled my eyes before starting. “Kenny, you know what our friendship is like. You see it all the time. But we’re just friends. Best friends, but friends nonetheless.”

“And I also know what he’s like when you’re not around. I also see that he lights up like a god-damn Christmas light when he talks to you on the phone.” I rolled my eyes. “And you didn’t see him when you were in the hospital. The first night when it was seriously touch-and-go, we thought we were going to lose both of you.”

“But I would be the same way if the situation was reversed.”

“Ana, the tone in his voice—there was just so much more.” I sighed and took another sip of my coffee. “Don’t believe it all you want, but when he walked into the waiting room after seeing you flat-line on the ambulance he was a wreck. His hair was more of a mess than usual and he was crying. When he finally managed to choke out that ‘it was bad, really, really bad,’ we thought he might be more broken than you.” I stopped dead in my tracks. I was both shocked and in denial. Yes, I was sure Garrett felt broken when he thought he had lost me; when I thought he had lost me; when I squeezed his hand ‘good-bye’ and let go. But I knew that it was only because he was my best friend. Right?