Please Don't Forgive Me

“Garrett!” I yelled running after him. “Garrett, wait. Please? Garrett, just hear me out. Please, Garrett stop!” I grabbed his arm and he shrugged me off. “Please, just listen to me Garrett.” He was fumbling with his keys trying to unlock his car. “Garrett, stop. No, Garrett, don’t do something stupid. Can you please just hear me out?” He stopped fumbling with his keys and looked up at me. “Just five minutes. Just give me five minutes to explain myself. I know it isn’t long enough but you can decide whether or not to let me continue.”

“Why should I? Do you even love me, or was it all just a lie? Was it all just convenient?” I felt myself wilt. He had to question how I felt.

“Of course I really love you Garrett. That’s why I said no.” I sighed and watched his expression soften only slightly.

“Start talking,” he sighed leaning against the yellow car. It was starting to rain and we were getting soaked.

“I do love you Garrett, I always have. As so much more than a best friend. And you mean so much to me. I would give up my own life for you. When I was trapped the only thing I thought about was if I didn’t answer you, you’d be mad and that would be a really bad way to die. But now, us. It’s all happened so fast, Garrett. And when you come home from tour and finally fall asleep are you really going to want to wake up to crying babies? Is that really what you want? And what if we fall apart? It saves a lot of trouble, disappointment and money if we don’t get married. Parenting isn’t easy and I’ve seen so many relationships destroyed by it. My parents got married because my mom was pregnant, and they hate each other and they’re trapped. I’m not going to do that to you. I love you too much. And I’m not saying I’ll never marry you, because I will, someday, if you still want me to marry you. Let’s just get through the hard part first. Okay? Let’s get through at least the first year of our children’s lives and then we’ll think about it, okay? Please?” I was winded and exhausted from my little speech. Garrett wrapped his arms around me gently.

“I’m always gonna want to marry you, Anika. I’ve wanted to since forever.” I sighed, getting comfortable in his embrace.

“Then that’s fine. Let’s just wait a little while.”

“At least take the ring. It’ll be a promise ring until you’re ready. I know you don’t want to get married tomorrow, or the day, or week, or month, or year after that, but at least I know you’re mine.”

“You should always know I’m yours.” I smiled weakly as he slid the ring onto my finger.

“I do. Now everyone else will too,” he smiled kissing me softly.