Please Don't Forgive Me

“Why do I have to go?” I moaned. I hadn’t been outside in days and the last thing I wanted to do was embark on a two and a half month bus ride with a bunch of guys.

"Because,” he started, “I’m not letting you stay here alone again.” I sighed inwardly knowing well enough that I wasn’t getting out of going at this point.

“Garrett, I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.” He ignored my pleas and picked my bags up of the cement and threw them into the storage space on the bus. “Garrett,” I began.

“You’re coming on tour with us. End of story.” I rolled my eyes childishly and he flashed one of his killer smiles—the kind that you can’t help but smile back at. “Okay?”

“I suppose. What am I going to do on a bus for two and a half months though? Seriously Garrett, I’m going to be bored out of my mind!”

“You could always cook,” he suggested with a smirk.

“So I get to be everyone’s mother?” I joked. He nodded and walked around me, pushing my sunglasses off my head and over my eyes so that we matched.

“Not exactly, but yes.” I shook my head and he put his arm around my shoulders as we walked toward the door. “Oh,” he stopped and dragged out the ‘o,’ “you might have to sleep on the floor,” he stated apologetically.

“The floor?” I questioned loudly and incredulously. “I get to sleep on the floor of the tour bus?” I looked inside and it was clearly a place inhabited by boys.

“Just be happy it isn’t the van,” he smiled, patting me on the back and pushing me onto the bus.

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We were three weeks into the tour and Garrett had not left me alone once. He was my best friend, but I was going crazy. “Hey,” I said as John and Kennedy walked into the front area of the bus. “Do you know where Garrett is?”

“I think he went out for a little while. He told us to keep an eye on you.” I rolled my eyes and looked back to my book. I was going to go mad.

“Do you know where the coffee is?” John yawned. I laughed and pointed to the table. He poured a cup and spit it into the sink. “That,” he began, “is not coffee.”

“Well you seem awake now. It did its job.” I put my book down on the table and grabbed my bag. “Alright, I’ll see you guys in a little while.”

“Wait, hold up,” John stopped me. I turned around and raised my eyebrows to acknowledge him. “Where are you going?”

“I am going for a walk,” I replied as if I were talking to a small child.

“Not by yourself, you’re not.” I rolled my eyes and tapped my foot on the ground.

“Yeah, Ani, Garrett would kill us if he found out we let you go out by yourself,” Kenny chimed in.

“Well, tell him it was my idea. I need to get out of here for a little while. I’ll be back in a half hour,” I sighed.

“At least take one of us with you,” Kennedy suggested. I rolled my eyes and nodded.

“Kenny, you look like you’ve changed out of pajamas. Let’s go.” He nodded and walked off the bus behind me.

We had walked a few blocks through New York City before we spoke. “So,” I turned to him, “what’s up with this treating me like a two year old thing?”

“Garrett’s just worried,” he sighed. “We all are. Whether or not you want to believe it, you almost died. You had less than a twenty percent chance of survival and Garrett flipped out.” He stopped and I looked away. “He literally stood up on the bus when you didn’t answer him after two hours, and was like ‘something’s wrong. I need to go home.’ We all told him to give it a little while—that maybe your battery was dead, but he was persistent.”

“Lucky me. His persistence probably saved my life.” I sighed and turned to walk into a Duane Reade pharmacy. “Alright,” I started, “let’s make a deal. I go in here get what I need to get, you go into Starbucks next door and get us all some real coffee, and Garrett never finds out.”

“He’ll kill me if I let you go in there alone, you realize.” I sighed and he followed me into the store. “What do you need in here anyway?” he asked curiously.

“None of your business,” I snapped. I turned around and I softened my tone. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You’ve just been programmed by Garrett to unveil my every intention.”

“No, the snapping at me. I think I get it,” he laughed. What he was thinking and what I was here for were completely different, but in the same aisle nonetheless. “Whoa,” he said as I picked up a box from the shelf. “Not where I thought this was going.”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, “me neither.”