Daydreamer.

“I’m not angry at you… I’m just angry with myself for being not like you.”

You didn’t get anything.

“Why the hell would you want to be like me?!”

_________

„Why?! You always get what you want. Everyone loves you, included all the guys I like! It would be great to be you!” the said, shyly.

“One moment! You’re just tellin’ me everyone likes me and stuff but look at it: You’re WRONG! The guy, I’ve been in love with, for millions of years now, is dating me because of pity. Just because he lost a bet!” Now you were fired up.

“My parents hate me! My friend just told me she’d think I’d rather screw with some guys than helping her to get over her old boyfriend! My brother’s death since two years now and you know, I truly think you have a huge problem. Just because he died while dating you it doesn’t mean your worth nothing!

Don’t you think my heart broke, too, that time?! But all I could hear was ‘Ohhh, I’m sooooo sad! It’s hooorible! I won’t be able TO LIIIIIVEEEE anymoooooore! Did you, just one time, think of me? That I might have spend my whole life with him and he was the only one that cared for me in my whole fuckin’ family? Don’t! Really, Don’t think you’d like to be me! Everyone can have a happy life, just because you’re not noticing the good thing about it, it doesn’t mean you don’t have a good life. I bet, you’re life is great as well!”

She just looked at you.

Silence.

”Wow. That was the first time you’ve ever screamed at me.”

You grinned. “It felt good. I’m sorry.”

“Hug?” she grinned. You pulled her up and the two of you hugged tight.

“I’m glad to have you.” She smiled and you nodded. “I’d be nothin’ without you!”

Then you pulled away.

Her eyes widened. “What’s that?”

You looked behind you. “No, no. There!” she said pointing onto your neck.

“W-What?!” you asked and she pulled you into the bathroom in front of the mirror.

Shock.

“Brian?” she asked. You shook your head. Brian had just kissed the right side of your neck. But there was a hickey on the left side of your neck.

“Hmmm?” she asked, dying from excitement.

Aaron, you thought. But it’s gonna hurt her…

“Sarah? Is it from Brian?” she asked again, a grin all over her face.

You nodded. “Mhmm.”

“So you kissed?”

You nodded.

“Just kissed?”

You shook your head, still shocked.

Why the hell did he do such a thing?!

“Brian made out with you – and?”

You just nodded again, this time looking into her eyes.

“How did it feel like?” she asked you.

“You kissed him yourself…”

“But not because I was in love with him.”

You nodded.
”How did it feel like?” she repeated.

“Okay.”

Her face fell.

“Okay? He was already awesome when he kissed me, so he must have been excellent while kissing you!”

You repeated the scene in your head. The kiss, the cloths that fell to the floor, Mike who had opened the door, the pain- Moment! Mike who opened the door.

“Oh my god.” You mumbled.

“What?” Em asked, still excited. She was truly happy for you.

“Mike caught us while…”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Of course, It’s natural for a guy and a girl to kiss.” She laughed.

“It’s allowed here.”

“Em, … He didn’t caught us while kissing.” You looked onto the ground.

Somehow you felt ashamed, giving up your virginity for Brian. Or at least to tell someone about it.

“Ohhh…” was the only thing she could say.

Silence.

“So you’re a real women now!”

“A real women, huh?” a deep voice came from behind.

Both of you turned.

A-Aaron.

------♥

“I need to talk to you!” he said while going straight into the forest.

“That’s good, I need to talk to YOU!”

He walked faster, pulling you after. Somehow it hurt, the touch of his hands at your arm.

“Wait, where are we going?” you asked, a bit scared of his temper.

As he came into the bathroom Emily looked not as unconfident as before. “Em, where-“ – “I’m leaving you two alone. I’m sure you need to talk.” Then she went.

“Come with me.” Aaron had said. His face was hard, he didn’t show any emotions.

You just followed him.

“Aaron.” You said in a scared voice.

“What?” he shouted, still pulling you behind him.

You took all your courage. “You’re hurting me!”

“You are hurting me! Every second more.”

And as sad as it appeared, it was the pure truth.

A few minutes later, no wonder by the way he walked you would have been in Europe in less than an hour, you reached a cute small lake.

And as you stood in front of it he let go.

Then he sat onto a rock of stone.

“I’m sorry.” you said. He looked up.

“Huh?”

“…For hurting you all the time again.”

“I was harsh, too.”

You also sat down and he took your hand.

You heart raced by now. His hand were big and warm. Comfortable to hold on.
”You love him, right?”

“Who?” you asked like an airhead.

“Brian…” It seemed to take all his strength not to get angry again.

“I …I don’t know…anymore.” You confessed. It was the truth. You’d love to say ‘yes’ but your just couldn’t. Your feelings, they were a mess.

Aaron didn’t say anything.

“I’m all confused… right know. I don’t know.” Your eyes were wet, but you tried not to cry even thought your voice already said anything.

Aaron looked at you.
”N-No. D-Don’t cry. Don’t cry.” He said, pulling you closer. He layed your head into his chest. He was warm, comfortable, such tender embraces. His heart beat was fast, but steady. It helped you to breath steadily.

It felt like heaven, but you had to end it. You had to tell him you didn’t like him and you had to show him. You wanted to push yourself away.

But as you did he pulled you even closer.

“I know, it’s horrible for you to hug me, a guy you don’t like, a guy you barely know, but right now, IF I still have a chance, I’m gonna take it. I can’t let him get you now, regretting my whole life not to have tried.“

You didn’t know where he took all that strength.
”I’m not as pure anymore. I…I’ve slept…” It was disgusting to tell him.

You didn’t want him to get disgusted of you. Maybe he could get over you sooner that way. But still you felt ashamed. Like never before.

“I’ve slept with your brother.” – “I know.”

You looked up. “Oh…Right. Bathroom.”

He shook his head, wiping a tear away, which ran down your face.

“Nope. I knew it before. He told me. He told me I wouldn’t have a chance now anymore. He told me everything. And also his friends. He’s a … dumb bastard, bloody stupid.”

You had to laugh about the way he said those words.

“But he didn’t lie. I think. He told them first you didn’t want to, but then he told you some argument and made you do it. As if some ‘arguments’ could erase the fear! I mean, he’s such a retard.”

It sounded as if he hated him, not you.

“…”

“Sarah.” He said and you looked up, his green eyes met yours, coming closer.

Then he let go of your hand. It felt cold, empty.

It felt unnatural.