I Wanna Say We're Getting Closer Every Day

„Melissa, answer.“
Jace Matthew stood in front of me, his voice flat and his face hard as I had never seen it before.
His almost black, but still blue eyes looked into mine without any sign of compassion or understanding.

“I have nothing to say to you.”
I choose to pull my eyes off him and stared at the floor, searching for anything. Anything to distract me.
But even his floor was clean as dishes.
“I-I don’t need to justify myself in front of you.” He had taken a step closer towards me and I look up, not knowing what I was about to see.

“Oh come on! You came here, everything was fine - you even looked happy this morning! And in not even a second – flip – your mood changes and you behave like an infant!”, he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me a bit closer, so I had to look into his eyes.

The blue was everywhere. “And now you tell me that there’s no need to justify yourself in front of me?!” he tried to hide the confusion and the hurt, but I was still able to hear it. But what he didn’t try to hide was the fact that he was furious.
His voice, his eyes, his face.
Did I want to get him this far? No.
Them why did I do it? I don’t know.

“I’m telling you that last night meant nothing, and we are better off by forgetting about it. It won’t happen again.”

The rage grew. With every word I said.

“Right. It won’t happen again.”
Then he let go of my arms and stepped back. He opened the door and looked at me.
Light fell into the room, bright and warm. And it was that light, I told myself, that made tears build in my eyes.

“You should go now. I’m sure there are dozen of other guys to confuse.”
He gave me one last look and then went straight back into the bathroom.

________

Days passed and with every day that flew by I felt guiltier about my behaviour.
Not that he cared. Not that he even looked at me anymore.

But that was best for both of us. I hadn’t tried to talk to him afterwards and I tried my hardest not to give in.

“Mel?” Keshs voice woke me up. “You’re turn!”
I looked up and realized that I had been spacing out directly on the counter in the cafeteria. “Water, please.” I stuttered into the waitress direction and she rolled her eyes in a way that Paris Hilton would be jealous of.
She passed me a bottle of water and I placed it onto my tray.

“Why aren’t you eating anything – Again?!” Keshas voice was ringing in my ears as I walked towards our table.
“You haven’t eaten anything serious in a whole week. Come on! You can’t just be like that!”
“I’m not hungry.”
“I know. I don’t care. Eat.” She seemed to be a bit upset, but as always she was just overreacting.
“Kesh. I eat at home.”
“That’s the thing. You don’t!”
I rolled my eyes. “I dooo! I ate.. many things!”
She stood up and shook me, strong.
“Youuu are living at MY house, darling. I know, what you usually eat.”

I couldn’t take this anymore. It’s not as if I wouldn’t eat anything. I still eat. Like chocolate, cookies, ice-cream.

I sight. “Kesh! This is none of your business.”
I took my water and started walking away.
“IT IS MY BUSINESS WHEN YOU ARE HAVING HEARTACHE!”
I turned, and gave her a ‘
Say-that-again-and-I’ll-kill-you’-stare.
Not that it wasn’t embarrassing enough - the whole cafeteria heard.
And so did Jace, who was standing with some friends just five feet away.
Staring at me now. The first time since that day. Most likely now totally satisfied because I was having heart-trouble.

I made my way outside and walked to the backyard, sitting under a tree.
I couldn’t stand the whole ‘I’m-like-your-mother’-behaviour that Kesha was putting up. I couldn’t stand the whole puppy behaviour that Nate was putting of for dumping him. And mostly I couldn’t stand the whole ‘I’m so popular, I could have tons of girls, I have so many friends’-attitude this very annoying guy was pulling off.

I took out a sketchbook and started to learn for history class.
Because somehow, since that day my tests got better. I paid more attention to class, I welcomed everything distracting.
I had two more spare periods until history and I wasn’t sure what to do next so I plugged in my earpods and laid back.

I didn’t take me long to get tried, so I closed my eyes and laid my scarf over my eyes.

I feel like giving in
But you're my second wind

I started humming along, hooked my this song.

Oh, my friend, you're holding out your hand
I take it like an oar from the depth

The music blasted through my ear. My body tensed, feeling every word.
Making me want to stand on a big stage, singing everything off my soul.
Mom, Kesha, Jace – I couldn’t take it anymore. So I … sag. First only barely audible.

Hey, Lifesaver, I'm drowning in despair
But you're fighting for me right until the end.
You pull me back to land and save me once again

And because I never – ever expected anyone to hear I sag on, louder as the next song began.

Welcome to my wonderland
It'll take time to find out where we stand
In all this mess
There was the first day for me too
And I had no guide and I was lost like you
I still am

I wasn’t sure what to do anymore. I clearly made a fool out of myself.
I made a fool in front of my friends brother, in front of the only guy I ever had the slightest interest in, but mostly in front of myself.
I had told myself SO many times, that I wasn’t going to get into a situation like this anymore. Not even close, and especially not because of a guy. And now I wasn’t even sure how I got into it. Sadly, I wasn’t sure how to get out either.

____

After quite a while I sat up and packed all my books, intending to get to the classroom. I didn’t feel prepared for history class. To tell the truth I didn’t feel prepared for most of the classes.
I barely couldn’t stand being in the same room with him. It was hard. It was painful. And it was sobering.

I put on my bag and started walking towards the building.

“You have a pretty voice” someone said, right beside me. And I nearly had a hart attack, jumping two feet away from the guy.
“W-Wha-t?” I stuttered, deadly scared.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you. I heard you sing, it sounded pretty, but I didn’t know the song, so I wanted to talk to you.”

“Which song?” I asked, still scared as hell.

“The one about the one that rescues the singer, pulling him to the shore, like.. he’s your ..” he raised his brows, looking towards the sky as if he was thinking of something hard. “Lifesaver!” he shouted, smiling.

The sun was shinging and made his blonde, curly hair shine like a thousand diamonds. It looked so fascinating that I instantly had the with to touch it.
“Wasn’t it.. Something with Lifesaver?” he asked again, grinning really nice.
“What’s your name?” I blurred out, not able to control my mouth.

It made him smile again and his dark turquoise eyes light up.

“I’m Luca. And you?”
I had to smile too.

Luca. Strangely I had never seen him anywhere. But he even seemed to be a bit older than me. Maybe he was a grade above me.
Still, I couldn’t have ignored him before. This type of guy was never overlooked.
I looked at the time and realized I was already late for class.

“Lifesavor from Sunrise Avenue” I smiled and stared to run towards my classroom.

“Hey! Wait! Where are you going?” he shouted, running after me.
“Historyclass!” I shouted back, opening the door towards an other part of the building. “Bye Luca” I said smiling one last time at him.

I liked the name Luca. I was so interesting to pronounce.