Ghosts of the Past

Memories haunt me like little girls follow around their big sisters. I’m sitting on top of the picnic table at the park we used to play at when we were little kids. The swings are blowing back and forth in the wind. No one is around; it is very peaceful. But I know I’m in the middle of an eternal resting place for memories, a graveyard of the past.

All I see are ghosts. Ghosts of what we once were. But the ghosts don’t see me even though I’m in the middle of their playground. They trample me but I can’t feel a thing. Three girls and a boy. They are pretending to be superheroes; they will rule the world.

The youngest, a blonde who can be no more than four years old, stops and looks right at me; for a minute I think that she knows I’m here. But she doesn’t because she looks back to her friends and begins to play again. I’m glad they can’t see me; I want to stay in this place forever.

The wind blows my hair around my face and it sticks to my lips. The autumn air is cool and sweet. The end of summer syndrome: You taste the summer, you feel the summer, you are the summer; but in reality you are not.

We use to love the summer. I remember staying out late playing baseball in their backyard. It stayed light until nine o’clock one night and we lied under the clouds and watched them move through the sky. The sand was coating our hair but we didn’t care; we’d grown up on the beach and we weren’t going to stop just because we got dirty.

The girls yell to each other, in their shorts and t-shirts they look as if they are a constant fixture to the summer scene.

“McKenna! McKenna you are not following the rules!” the light brown haired girl says to the other girl her age.

“Well I like my idea better!” The dirty blonde, McKenna argues back to her.

“Kenna.” She warns in a voice only a nine year old could muster.

“Alexis.” They were a match but I watched as Alexis bore her down with her bright eyes.

They went right back to their game as if nothing was wrong in the first place. The boy watching them all with a smile on his face; he looked about eight and the older girls looked nine.

“Cleo, Alexis, Kenna! Come here!” The brown haired boy yelled.

“What Jeremy?” The little blonde whined the way only a sister could do to a brother.

“Cleo don’t be like that.” Jeremy whined back to make her laugh. She did.

I watched as they continued to play their game. A childish game designed by children; I wanted to play. I wanted them to invite me to play. But they couldn’t because they weren’t real. At least they weren’t in that form anymore; they’d grown older. They didn’t talk to each other anymore, didn’t really care to but I wanted to talk to them. I wanted to yell at them to stay friends forever and not let distance be a problem. But I couldn’t because there was no one to listen.

The wind was my only reminder that it wasn’t actually 2004 anymore. But I wish it were. Then I wouldn’t be sitting here on this table in the middle of Carson Park in a blue dress with bare feet. I wouldn’t be fifteen and five foot one. The only thing about me that has stayed the same is my name and eye color. But most of all I’d have those friends back.

I watch as Kenna and Alexis smile at the wind as they hold hands and spin in circles around and around. Cleo is mesmerized by their closeness as she sits with her brother. Together they watch and laugh along with the older girls.

Jeremy starts to talk, “ Lets make up a new game.” He was so confident you couldn’t help but automatically listen to him.

“Okay.” The girls say in unison.

“You are going to be my best friends.” He states as he looks at Kenna and Alexis. “Cleo will be my sister—

“But Jeremy I’m already your sister.”

“I know but I love you too much. You will always play my sister.”

“Oh good.” Cleo smiles at him and looks as if she could fly.

“But anyway it will be like we haven’t seen each other in years and we come back home to find each other. But we all are different. Okay?” He looks for affirmation.

“But how will we be different?” Kenna asks.

Alexis answered for Jeremy, “That is the fun Kenna. We get to decide how we change because it is the future and nothing in the future is the same.”

“Right. Nothing ever stays the same.” Jeremy beams at Alexis.

“Lets play the game now.” Cleo says. They all agree and they become different people; but I recognize those people more than I recognize my present self. The actual me.

I close my eyes and listen to the breeze as it blows through the trees making them whistle. I smile and lean back, stretched out on the picnic table. It is uncomfortable but I don’t care at all. I listen to the imaginary voices of the ghosts that I once knew. I won’t need to look up because I already know the outcomes.

“Cleo is that you?” Alexis says to the little girl who is pretending to be older.
“Yes. Is that you Alexis?” She counters back and they hug each other like they will never see each other again.

Jeremy and Kenna are sitting in the grass pretending that they are so much older and talking in a business like manner.
“Did you hear about the deal?” Jeremy asks with a fake deep voice.

“No.” Kenna says in a deep voice trying to mimic him.

“Kenna,” he whispers as if he isn’t supposed to talk to her like that. “Girls don’t have deep voices. So don’t do one.”

“Hehe,” she laughs. “Okay Jeremy.”

I listen to the fake murmurs of little kid’s voices as I lie in the park still all alone. But I love this story and this is the only place that it can be somewhat real.

The sky is getting darker as it nears six o’clock. The children know that they will have to go home soon; they don’t want it to end.

“Promise me that we will remember this place and each other forever.” Jeremy says as he stares up into the pink, sunset sky.

“Okay.” Both Kenna and Cleo say. But not Alexis; she turns to looks at the three of them while still lying on the ground.

“But Jeremy we will never tell the future. So we can’t really promise each other anything.” She looks at them and both the other girls stare into her blue eyes with their blue eyes.

Jeremy still locked eyes on the sky as he spoke, “that is what we will have to make happen. We can just never forget.”

“That I can promise. Jeremy, Kenna, and Cleo I will always, for the rest of my life, remember you and this moment.”

They lied there until it was too dark to see much of anything but each other and they all ran home. All were carefree like most elementary school kids are; they were in love with life.

They were gone but I could still see them behind my closed eyelids. I could hear them even though they weren’t there. I still pass Kenna in the halls but we barely glance at each other and Cleo and Jeremy have moved away. I will always remember.

“Alexis? Alexis? There you are.” I hear a voice but I don’t want to open my eyes for fear of losing my memory. The memory that I always promised to remember.

But I do. I open my eyes and turn towards the voice. I turn to see two of my very best friends: Rachel and Lacey.

“What the hell are you doing here by yourself?” Lacey asks as she sits on the bench connected to the picnic table.

“It is peaceful here.” I say and I lean up and look at them. I shrug off the memories but I don’t forget. “Ready for the movie? Let’s get us some Zac Efron.” I laugh as I jump of the table and link arms with both of them.

“I love Zac.” Rachel says as she closes her eyes and licks her lips.

“We know!” Lacey and I say together.

I take one last look at the playground and smile. I swear that I could see the children from my memory, just like ghosts, running through the trees of the past summer breezes and they wave to me. It is like they are telling me that they remember me even though they can’t; it’s them thanking me for keeping my promise to never forget.