Breaking Their Hold

“Jimmy, she’s going to be okay. You know that, don’t you?” Matt asked Jimmy later that day as the two of them walked along an old and probably forgotten dirt path towards their destination—a place they were still uncertain of where they would be going.

“Huh?” Jimmy asked as he looked up.

The truth was, he wasn’t able to pay attention to much of anything right now. All he could do at the moment was think about Mel and where she was at this moment. He had no idea where he was going and he had no idea where she was at, either. It really worried him. He was so used to having her right there with him in his arms or at least in the near vicinity so that he could get to her if he had to.

Matt shook his head and then stopped before grabbing the taller boy’s shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes before he frowned. “Melissa. She’s going to be fine, Jim.”

Jimmy shrugged and then pushed his hand back through his hair before he leaned up against a nearby tree. He heard the words that Matt was saying, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe that they were true. In Jimmy’s mind, he needed to be there with her to make sure nothing happened to her.

He was scared. There hadn’t been a lot of times in his life where he had truly been scared of what could happen to him; he just wasn’t that kind of guy. But he was absolutely terrified of all the possibilities of what could happen to Mel while he wasn’t there. What if Pierre, like Sean, was a traitor of some sort? What if he killed Mel while they were travelling cross country? Or what if Mel somehow got separated from Pierre? What would happen then? Would Government Police find her? Or would she just die out there somewhere, alone and cold?

He didn’t want to think about her dying but he knew that it was a more realistic possibility now that he wasn’t there with her. He had always known it was a possibility, of course; even when he was had been there with her. But he’d also been confident in his ability to keep her safe. He’d thought that he could make sure nothing would ever happen to her—even if it meant sacrificing his own life to do it.

“Pierre will take care of her,” Matt told Jimmy, a reassured smile on his face. “There’s no doubt about it. He’s going to make sure that nothing bad happens to her.”

“What if he fails?”

Jimmy’s voice was barely audible as he spoke. He was absolutely devastated at the fact that he wasn’t around Mel right now. All he wanted was to be able to hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her and that he’d never let anything go…and yet, he couldn’t. He had to put good faith in another person that wasn’t him that they’d keep Mel safe; someone he’d only known for a short time. Someone he wasn’t sure he could trust after what had happened with Sean.

“He won’t fail. Do you realize how long he’s been doing this?” Matt questioned, his eyebrows arching up. “Jimmy, she’s a hell of a lot safer with him alone than she would have been with us. Pierre knows how to get her to Canada safely. He knows the safe places to go, and he knows where to hide her if they do get caught.”

“I don’t care, Matt. I want to be with her. I need to be with her. I love her,” he muttered under his breath before he wiped a hand over his face. “What if she dies and we don’t find out?”

“We would find out,” Matt tried to reassure him before he pushed his hand back over his head. He understood where Jimmy was coming from, however, and he couldn’t fault his logic that something might happen to her. But he also knew that if Pierre could help it, he wouldn’t allow anything to happen to her. He knew that Pierre would sacrifice his own life for her and he knew that the Canadian spy would do whatever it took to make sure he kept his promise to keep her safe.

Jimmy said nothing as he stood there. He didn’t feel like talking anymore about Mel. He knew that Matt would only continue trying to reassure him that everything was going to be fine and he couldn’t shake the feeling that something would happen. He didn’t know when and he didn’t know how, but he knew that something bad was going to happen. It was a thought that truly scared him.

“I just want to make sure that she’s okay, Matt. I made a promise to—”

“And so did I,” Matt cut Jimmy off. “I promised Zack I’d do whatever it took to keep Mel safe. I told him I’d give my life to ensure hers, if I had to. If keeping that promise means that she has to be away from us and only stay with Pierre, then that’s what we have to do. Zack would agree and you know that’s the truth.”

Jimmy bit his tongue as he nodded. He knew that what Matt was telling him was the truth, even if he didn’t agree with it. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he might not be capable of keeping Melissa safe, just the same way he didn’t want to admit that right now, it might be better for the two of them to be apart from each other.

Matt let out an exhale as he sat down on the ground. The sun had started going down, and it remained unspoken between the two of them that they would be staying here tonight. It was a fairly well-guarded place and they were both exhausted.

Jimmy allowed his mind to travel back to a time when things had been more innocent than they were now. He’d been about eleven, he guessed; Melissa had been younger. They’d been lying in his backyard looking up at the sky, watching the clouds. It was one of his most treasured memories of himself and Melissa, and he wanted nothing more than to go back to that hazy September day.



“Look at this one, Jimmy! It’s a bunny rabbit!” An excited Melissa Baker told her friend Jimmy as she pointed one of her small fingers up to the sky.

Jimmy’s blue eyes traveled over to the cloud formation that Mel was looking at and smiled when he saw that she was right. It did look like a little bunny rabbit, with two long ears, the face strewn together in shadowed parts of the cloud.

“You’re right, Mel. Oh, look at that one! It’s me! I’m a cloud, Mel!”

She let out a loud giggle before she turned to face Jimmy. He had a huge grin on his face as he pointed at a long, thin could in the sky. It was one that didn’t resemble him in the least, but she wasn’t going to argue with him. She liked doing little things like this with him. Being so carefree was a luxury in times like this; times when they both knew that within a short period of time, the world would be a much darker and scarier place.

Jimmy turned his head to look at her and then smiled when her hand reached over to grab his. He loved being this close to her; loved it in ways the younger girl didn’t yet understand. He already knew he loved Melissa Baker, even though he was only eleven years old. He loved her so much already and he strived to make sure she was always as happy and as peaceful as she was right now.

He wanted to tell her, but he knew that now wasn’t the time. He couldn’t tell Melissa that he loved her right now because the truth was, he wasn’t sure how she’d handle it. He knew that she understood what love was, but she was still a lot younger than he was; even if it was only two years that separated them. She’d gone through different life experiences than he had and he didn’t want her to think that his love was something she didn’t want. No, he thought. If he ever told Melissa that he loved her, he’d do it when she was old enough to understand it a little better.



Jimmy sighed sadly as the memory faded in his mind. He remembered that day as though it had just happened a week ago. He should have told her then that he loved her. Even now that she knew how he felt; how she felt, he couldn’t help but wish that he’d told her a little bit sooner than he had. Maybe if he’d told her, they could have been spared what had happened recently. All he could hope for was that they reached Canada safely. He knew he’d die inside if something happened to Mel and he didn’t want to know what life without her was like.