Nevermind Me

What is this game we’re playing?

Aven Leigh found herself asking that exact same question more than once a day, and there wasn’t any answer she could find. Because she could hardly call this - whatever it is they were doing - a relationship. Even if that was the desired title, she knew it could never fit. Yet fitting was exactly what she wanted, what she asked for every night before her head hit the pillow. Followed mostly by sighs. Or tears, even worse. Because Aven was in love, as in love as any sensitive, adoring 19-year-old could be with someone else.

Should I stick around for more?

Now she was curled up on her bed, leaning against the headboard with her chin on her knees. Every few minutes she would look over at the night-stand where her phone sat with its screen blank fitfully. Met by disappointment each and every time and she felt like crying, but she wasn’t going to give into her feelings so easily. At least not when it was only fifteen after eleven. She admonished herself for even thinking the little phone would ring, bringing an end to her misery, at such an early time. “Stupid.”

Snap your fingers I’ll come running

It took ten extra minutes - ten painstaking minutes full of longing looks - for the phone to sound off. And Aven almost broke her neck to answer it, even though it wasn’t a foot away from her. “Hello,” she had whispered breathlessly excited, and the response wasn’t nearly as amazing but it was something. She supposed so, anyway.

“I can’t talk right now. Call you back later. Be up,” and that was it. Not one single admittance of affection, and she was crushed. Yet somehow still hopeful. The tears then decided to come, Aven didn’t make any effort - not even a tiny one - to stop them the second time.

An hour later, Aven was sure of it as she had watched the clock relentlessly with tears rolling down her face, the phone rang again. She wasn’t so quick to answer this time but she answered none the less. This time wasn’t much better, she admitted to herself, because she had instructions to get dressed and meet the one she pined for at a Motel 6. Because she would never say no - known to both parties - this wasn’t asked. But told. And not too nicely. Despite the disrespectful tone and harsh words used Aven did just as she was told, because this was better than nothing. She would make herself believe that at all costs.

Leave again when you’re bored

The Motel 6 - room 112 - had seen many of these stolen moments between Aven and her hearts true destroyer. This night would see one more. “Hey baby,” she would say, her voice seducing Aven’s every fiber. “Did you miss me?” to this the beautiful girl would nod and stammer ‘of course’ over and over. “I thought so,” she would reply cockily from the rented bed they had shared so many times, beckoning Aven over with one quick, sly finger motion. Aven would go to her as she always did, forgetting her emotions for the time being. Giving in to the temptation that she was - had always been to the girls senses. Enslaving Aven, she would, in tantalizing kisses, touches and words. The words she searched for in vain would not elude her in the darkness of room 112. And they would keep her coming back.

With me

The event she felt should take hours would be over in one, two at most, and Aven would say, “Stay.” One word, simple enough for anyone to understand, and the girl would give her a simple reply.

“Can’t.” and that would be the end of it. Because Aven h/ad argued once, and only once, resulting in nights at the Motel 6 - room 112 - all by her lonesome. She had solemnly vowed that last night, when her Sweet forgave her, to never make trouble again. It was too much.

“I love you, Dana,” she would swear, getting up to massage the girls shoulders from behind, on the edge of their rented bed. “I love you so much, do you know that.” it wasn’t a question, but rather an assurance. An unneeded one, it seemed, because Dana would give the same answer each and every time.

“I know.” just like that, because it was so easy for her to accept the love willingly given. Giving, though, was harder for her but Aven knew, somehow. When Dana got up from the bed, completely dressed, she would look down at the undressed Aven staring up at her, the expression of a homeless puppy in her eyes, and smirk. This always threw Aven off kilter, led her to doubt, but Dana knew just how to clear it up. Two words, “Me, too,” was all it ever took.

Aven would give Dana her best smile, for the girls benefit, to keep her from seeing how her heart was breaking. But she had said “Me, too,” and Aven took that to mean all this skirting around wasn’t for nothing. Their time was coming, she just felt it in her bones, and she would let Dana walk away with no other words needing to be said. From that moment on she would wait for the next stolen moment. Even as she lay there in their rented bed with nothing but the disastrously loud air-conditioner for company, with tears falling from her eyes onto the flattened, worn pillow. She would wait.

I’ll Make It Easy

The next morning, when the twelve hour rental was closer to passing, Aven would leave the night behind, keeping only the scars of it all. Because she was nothing more, of this she was sure, than another secret these walls had to keep. Because walls couldn’t talk, and neither would she.

Nevermind me, nevermind me
I’ll just cast shadows on your walls
Nevermind me, nevermind me
My God I feel so small
Nevermind me, nevermind me
I’ll just cast shadows on your walls
Nevermind me, nevermind me
I’ll let myself out