Blue Paint & Red Lights

I stared out the window at the cars that we were passing on the freeway. Antti was capable at the wheel and I felt cold. It was August, but I still had a chill. He held my hand inbetween us, using his other to steer the wheel.
We were driving directly back into the city and to the hospital where my dad would stay overnight to be watched, then in the morning put under the knife.
"Se on okei." Antti said to me softly in Finnish.
I looked away from the lights puncturing the night and saw his profile.
"What?" I asked him, visually tracing the slant of his nose and the curve of his chin with my eyes.
"It will be okay." He promised me, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I hope so. It's just so..surreal. These things aren't supposed to happen to the people close to you." I replied, leaning my head against the window and still watching him.
"I'll be here. Minä rakastan sinua." His thumb rubbed my knuckles and I managed a small smile. I knew what he said and I didn't require a translation this time. The combination of the English and Finnish words he spoke warmed the chill that was settling in.
"Thank you."

He asked me quietly for directions once we had gotten off the expressway. I quickly found my bearings and told him how to find St. Joseph's.
"I was born in this hospital, did you know?" I asked him while we stepped onto the elevator inside the gold lobby.
"Really?"
I just nodded and pressed the second floor. My hands shook and I held them together behind my back. Antti bumped his shoulder into mine and smiled a small smile down at me. The corner of my lip twitched and I couldn't believe that just yesterday I was standing up in a wedding in a dark blue dress in a beautiful chapel. When Angelina and Troy said 'I do', I couldn't help but blubber a little bit, happy for my friend and overwhelmed by such a sweet, fantastic moment for the two of them. I had caught Antti's eye from where he sat in the crowd and he smiled brightly at me, brushing his hair back with his hand. I had smiled back at him and now, as we stepped out of the elevator, Antti brushed his hair back again and grabbed one of my hands and we set out down the hallway.
I had interned one time at St. Joseph's, but I never had to find the heart ward. Finally we found it and I dropped Antti's hand, quickly jogging past the doors and reading the names next to them. I read my father's name and back-pedaled into the room, Antti on my heels.
"Dad!" I said, rushing to where he was sitting on the hospital bed.
"I'm not dead yet. Hell, I'm not even recovering. Let go!" He tried squirming out of the tight hug I had engulfed him in. I let go of him and he added, "I love you too, Sam."
I went over to hug my mom just as tightly and said, "We came as soon as possible."
"I can tell." My mother touched the tiny ponytail I had pulled my hair up into. "It's still stiff from the dust and dirt."
"You didn't wear your helmet?" My dad asked, looking at me with the 'parent look'.
I was about to make up a quick lie, feeling like I was in high school again but Antti said something before I could speak.
"She started off wearing a helmet, but she took it off half-way through."
"Good man for telling me." My dad nodded, grabbing the remote off of the little stand next to him.
Seeing my dad click to the Chicago Cubs game lightened my mood a bit, but I sat next to my mom on the heater after Antti sat in the only open chair and started to talk about baseball with my dad.

"So what's going to happen?" I asked her, toying with the bottom of my tee shirt.
"Well, he's going into surgery tomorrow, he'll be in the hospital for a week, then he's on bed rest for three months, basically. He can do heavy lifting after five months, and work after seven." She took it all very calmly, and it worried me a bit. I pulled her into another hug and mustered up the only Gaelic I remembered from when she used to teach it to me. "Grá mo chroí."
"You remembered!" She said, smiling a large smile.
"Of course I did. I heard it enough from you."
She just patted my hand and I felt the need to add, "Se on okei."
"Hmm?" My mom looked at me with the question written on her face.
"It's Finnish for 'it will be okay'." Was all I needed to say and she smiled at me again before casting her gaze over at Antti, who was still asking my dad questions about baseball, keeping his mind off of the surgery for now.
"He's a good kid. I like him." She lightly touched the band that sat on my ring finger. It was a claddagh, a traditional Irish wedding ring. I told him I didn't want a real diamond, but he had my birthstone put into the heart, and his birthstone put into the crown. The hands still sparkled silver- meaning friendship, the heart meaning love, and the crown meaning loyalty. I just nodded to my mother and looked back over at Antti.

My brother entered the room, dropping his brown messenger bag on the floor and called, "Sammy!" I cringed from the nickname he always used and accepted the hug before he moved on to mom and ruffled the blond buzz cut my father had, and offered a handshake to Antti.
"Hey old man." He greeted our dad, sitting down on the heater next to me.
It was nice, having the family together and having Antti there with me, but whenever I took in my surroundings, I was reminded why we were here.
Three hours later, a nurse knocked on the door jamb and said, "Visiting hours are over. The misses can stay." My brother Alden and I nodded, accepted the inevitable.
"I have to work tomorrow, Ma, but I'll come around for my lunch break." Alden said, and my mother understood. He had worked multiple part time jobs to make ends meet, but lately he's been getting on the right track, and he was now a licensed EMT. We were all very proud that he could finally stick to something and see it through.

"What time will you two be here?" I asked my mom when she went in for a parting hug.
"Five in the morning."
"I'll meet you in the waiting room with coffee at four fifty, okay?" I knew they would be here earlier- they would get no sleep, just like I was in for once I got into my bed. We made our plans and Antti drove us home.
"I can come after practice. Around one?" He confirmed and I replied quickly, "You don't have to be there if it's uncomfortable for you."
"No no, I'm getting better at this. I want to be there for you and your family. Our family."
I couldn't help but smile at his words and the infliction he added into them. He really did care and I had to admire that.

I took a shower when we got back to the apartment, scrubbing all the dirt out of my hair and finally, I slid into the bed next to Antti and his arms wrapped around me, pulling me into the side of his body.
"Sleep, Sam. Don't stay up all night. You need your rest." He said into my neck.
"I know." Was all I could reply.