I Won't Be Home for Christmas

Jared woke to the sound of running feet and joyous squealing. He was rolling over, a hand over his eyes to shield them from the stream of light that shone through the curtains, when a little boy jumped up on the bed, landing right on his stomach and causing him to jack-knife up into a sitting position.

“It Chrismas!” Dean grinned wide, his eyes full of excitement as he jumped around on the bed. Jared looked around, stunned momentarily before he caught on and wrapped his arms around Dean and wrestled him on the bed. Dean squealed and wiggled and got the upper hand before he perched himself on Jared’s defeated back and gripped Jared’s shaggy hair like reins and gave a quick tug. “Mush uncal Jayed. Mush!”

“Hang on buster. Where’s your auntie Emily?” Jared shuffled to the edge of the bed, his hands gripping Dean’s feet so the little boy didn’t slip off his back.

“She in shower. She told me to go wake you up. Said you sleep enough.” To get Jared moving, Dean tugged his hair again and wriggled against his back.

“Alright, alright. I’m up. Where are we going?” Jared stood, grinning as Dean cheered.

“Kitchen!” He skipped, as much as he could with a little boy on his back, down the hall to the stairs. Once down them, he spun and made airplane noises as he moved in circles, causing Dean to shout approval and jump around. When he got to the kitchen he stopped, stunned and wide eyed, when he spotted Jess hurrying around the kitchen, apron on and hair messily piled on top of her head. When she made for the fridge and spotted him, he grinned wide at the flour that streaked her cheek and forehead. Dean wiggled off of his back before rushing into the kitchen and wrapping his arms around his mother’s hips and looking up at her with a smile. “Merry Chrismas mommy.”

“Merry Christmas baby.” She bent down low enough to press a kiss to the top of his head before she straightened and stared at Jared.

“Quickly, before my wife comes in and finds us staring madly in love at each other.” Jared wrapped his arms around Jess, cuddling her to his broad chest and rocking side to side before letting her step back. Her eyes widened when he swooped in and planted a cheerful kiss on her lips. When he pulled away she was blushing. He wiggled his eyebrows at her before ruffling her already messy hair and stepping into the kitchen fully. “Merry Christmas gorgeous.”

“Merry Christmas. Aren’t you chipper this morning?” Jess smirked at him as she crossed her arms over her chest and stood hip-shot.

“I have hopes that Santa has not ripped me off this year. I’ve been good; I’m hoping I’ll get a Ben Ten bike.” Jared stared slyly over at Dean when his head shot up and he let his mouth drop open.

“Santa get me Ben Ten bike! I be good!” He jumped off his seat and ran to his mother’s side before he tugged at her apron. “I be good all year mommy! Santa has to get me Ben Ten bike, not uncal Jayed! He to big!”

“Yeah, but I’ve been super amazing, that bike is mine.” Jared laughed when Dean turned to face him with wide eyes.

“To late boys, that Ben Ten bike has my name all over it. It’s as good as mine.” Emily walked into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face. Dean looked to the ground, his tiny eyebrows pulled together before he turned to his mother and pushed his face into her leg, his hands gripped in her pants, and cried.

“Oh baby,” Jess knelt and wrapped her arms around her little boy.

“Why does Santa give tem my bike? I wat good.” Dean sobbed, his cheeks rosy.

“Hey,” Jess pulled his hands away from his face and cupped his cheeks. “I know for a fact they aren’t getting that Bike. I told Santa how good you were and he said he knew and that you’d be getting something very special.”

“My Ben Ten bike?” Dean perked up instantly.

“Maybe.” Jess tapped her finger against his nose and kissed his cheek. “But you can’t open any presents until after breakfast.”

“Otay!” Dean laughed and ran from the room to go and sit on the floor in front of the TV to watch the morning cartoons. She watched him go, smiling, before she turned back to the stove and flicked the gas on to heat a pan.

“Pancakes with the lot good for everyone?”

“The lot being?” Jared inquired.

“Bacon, scrambled eggs, hash browns, mushrooms and onions, uh,” Jess went over to the fridge and checked it over before going to the pantry. “Baked beans, spaghetti and obviously toast if you want it.”

“Sounds perfect!” Jared was grinning ear to ear, his dimples popping before Emily shook her head.

“No baked beans or onions for him.”

“What?” Jared protested.

“I’m the one that’ll have to live with what those do to your body.” Emily waved his objection off before she stepped up to Jess and placed a hand on her arm. “Need any help honey?”

“No, I’m okay.” Jess smiled as she turned her head to look at her best friend before she looked back to the counter and broke eggs into a clean bowl.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m fine if I’m doing.” Jess nodded to herself and took a deep breath. “Its Christmas, I need to do, I can’t think about it, not now.”

“Alright, if you need anything, I’m right here.”

“Toast.” Jess muttered. “You can start on the toast if you want.”

“On it!”

“What about me?” Jared asked as he stepped closer and looked over Jess’s shoulder.

“You can cut up the onion if you want.”

“Well I was thinking more along the lines of ‘what can I eat?’ but onions, I’m on it.”

*~*~*

Breakfast was finished; the dishes cleaned and stacked to dry in the strainer. Jess moved around the kitchen, getting everything set and ready for what would be the ‘main event’. Dean was buzzing, bouncing around on his feet as he begged her to hurry up. She laughed as she finished sprinkling the bacon pieces over the potatoes before she grabbed the shredded cheese and dumped a huge handful over it. When she was satisfied with it she covered it with cling wrap and placed it in the fridge.

“Come on mom!” Dean gripped her pants and pulled, trying to drag her from the kitchen. She just shook her head in amusement and wiped her hands clean on a cloth before allowing Dean to pull her into the living room where Jared and Emily sat waiting on the couch, sharing a passionate kiss. Jess just blinked, before Dean made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “Yuk! How can you does that?”

“Oh shit, sorry.” Jared jumped back away from Emily as if he was a teenager sprung by his parents for making out when he was meant to be doing homework. Emily covered her mouth, blushing, and giggled. “Sorry.”

“Does ony Em-em have a baby now mommy?” Dean asked as he stared up at his mother’s pregnant stomach before he rested his ear against it. He would never tell anyone, but he loved listening to his little brother moving.

“No honey, maybe when you’re older I’ll tell you. But right now, why don’t you go and find everyone a present from Santa so we can all open one at the same time?”

“Otay!” Dean grinned and ran to the tree before falling to his knees, lying over a huge box that had his name on it. “It mine!”

“Sorry about that.” Jared motioned to Emily before he cleared his throat.

“She’s your wife and its Christmas, I’m not a nun Jared, as you can see.” Jess pointed to her little boy who had stacked all his presents in a pile and was now setting about doing the same with all of Jared’s.

“Yeah, I just, we didn’t, you know.” Jared stammered before exhaling and rubbing his neck. “Sorry.”

“I understand. I’m dealing with it. But you shouldn’t feel the need to hold back with your woman just because of me.” Jess smiled weakly as she rubbed her belly, the child inside her moving in somersaults. “What’s he doing in there, practicing for the Olympics dive team?”

“Let me feel mommy!” Dean hurried away from the tree and placed his hands on either side of her stomach before pressing his ear to the middle. “Its sound funny.”

“You used to sound the same bucko.” After Dean shook his head and disagreed he went back to handing out the presents.

“Mommy, I can’t move it!” Dean was pressed against one of the larger boxes, his hands struggling to shove at it.

“Who’s it too baby?”

“You mommy.” He smiled after he looked at the tag. “From uncal Jayed and ony Em-em.”

“Alright baby, just leave it there, I’ll get it when I’m finished these.”

“Can I open tem now? Please!” Dean was standing in front of his pile of presents with a hopeful grin on his face. Jess stalled her answer, pretending to think about it, causing Dean to bounce on the balls of his feet and giggle loudly.

“Well I don’t know, what do you two think?” Jess asked.

“I think we should make him clean his room first. Maybe mow the lawn.” Emily added with a smirk. Dean squealed amongst giggles as he all but launched himself at his auntie. She was ready for him and wrapped her arms around him as he jumped onto her lap. “Yeah, along with the weeding. What do you think Jared?”

“I think he should give me a foot massage. Along with my back and shoulders. Then he can clean my room.” Dean leaped to Jared in one joyous bound and giggled as Jared ruffled his hair and pretended to ‘eat’ his stomach.

“Alright, alright, come on you guys, I’m getting over excited.” Jess shook her head before smiling. “Go on honey, open your presents.”

Dean was on his pile in seconds, shifting the smaller boxes and packages out of the way so he could get to the biggest box. He ripped at the paper, his heart racing before he cheered as the image of Ben Ten showed through the tears. He took the rest of the paper off to make sure before he rushed back to his mommy and grinned triumphantly.

“I did got it!” Dean beamed. “Ben Ten bike, it mine!” He cheered as he ran around the room before he set about unwrapping the rest of his things. Jess watched, her face soft with love at her little boys merriment. Through all the joy, she was breaking inside. Her mind raced a mile a minute, trying to formulate a possible answer, a reason, anything that could make her believe that he wasn’t gone, that he was still fighting, still there trying to get home to her. She was staring out the window at the snow, unseeing, as she bit at her nails before slowly blinking out of it and looking down to see Dean pressed in her arms.

“All finished baby?” Dean was silent a moment before he snuggled in closer and pressed his ear to his mothers chest to listen to her heart beat.

“You sad mommy.” He muttered. He wrapped his arms around her and held on, not understand why she was sad but just knowing that she was. She had to be sad, she wasn’t excited over Christmas. “Did Santa not bring you what you wanted?”

“Every Christmas I look at you, that’s the best present anyone could ever have.” Her throat tightened as she looked at him, his eyes the perfect reflection of his fathers. She knew, just deep inside her that when he was older, he’d be exactly like Jensen. Because the thought made her heart ache, made her eyes well, she wrapped her arms around him and shut her eyes, shut her mind off and just held her little boy.

And holding her little boy, let out her grief.