Faith Maria Winter

He kissed me lightly, and I did nothing. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. I wanted to kiss him back. I couldn’t do any of it. My mind raced. I had to stop him soon, or I’d just end up hurting him.

“My dear, what are you doing?”

My eyes shot open. I just heard Logan’s voice. A pain erupted in my chest, and I pushed Blake away, collapsing to the floor. I covered my ears, trying to stop the mocking laughter from Logan. I couldn’t; the sounds were inside me.

“Faith? Are you okay?” Blake shook me, and then stood up, “Isaac! Come here!”

Isaac was there in an instant. He bent down to examine me. I didn’t even pay attention to him, I barely noticed him. I could only hear Logan.

“Where are you going?” Logan asked me.

“America,” I whispered. Blake asked me a question, but I didn’t hear it.

“Why?”

“To avoid the war,” Blake shook me, trying to get me to pay attention to him.

“Are you running from me, Faith? I’ll find you, you know that, right?”

“I know…” the pain in my chest greatened, and I screamed. It felt like I was exploding into myself.

“I love you, and can’t share you, Faith. Don’t start thinking about Blake that way, or you’ll pay,”

“Logan!” I shouted. Isaac stood up and backed away. I sat up as the pain faded.

“Faith?” Blake had his hand on my shoulder, “Are you well?”

I stared at him in horror, and then pushed him away violently. I jumped to my feet and backed away from my friends.

“Faith!” Blake walked to me.

“Stay away from me!” I screamed, fearful that Logan might hurt me again.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” Isaac asked me, walking toward me, “Logan’s memory?”

“It wasn’t a memory!” I told him, clenching my hands into fists, “He was yelling at me right now!”

“It’s just the poison,” Isaac told me, “I told you. You will only feel complete peace when you’re with Logan. His personality is in your subconscious. Logan himself doesn’t know what’s happening, though it feels he might, to you,”

“It was him!” I demanded, “His voice...it was crystal in my ears. There was no way I imagined it!”

“But...you did,” Blake’s voice was quiet. He looked at me with sad eyes.

“Oh...Blake…” I wanted to hug him. To apologize for my rude behavior. He’s been so kind to me, and I had to go and mention Logan in front of him, “I...I’m sorry,” I turned away, unable to look at his sad face any longer.

“It gets easier,” Isaac assured me. He and Marcus left again, leaving Blake alone with me.

I looked over at him quickly, seeing the pain in his eyes. Blake looked away before I could see the tears I knew were there.

“Blake, this is hard for me,” I told him, my voice had no emotion in it at all, “If I hurt you, I’m sorry, but try to understand,”

“I understand that you’re in love with Logan, even though he used you,” Blake spat, turning to face me again.

“Shut up!” I yelled, clenching my hands into tighter fists. My nails poked through my skin, making my hands bleed. The blood dripped onto the floor in even drops. Blake’s eyes looked at the blood for just a moment, before he lunged at me. He grabbed my upper arms, pinning me against the wall of the ship with immense force.

“Look at what Logan’s done to you…” Blake said with calm sympathy, “You hurt yourself for him,”

“You can’t understand what I’m going through!”

“You think I don’t? I watch you, Faith! Today proved that the poison’s had a stronger effect on you than it did Isaac. He’s over it, he’s gotten though it! Why can’t you?”

I looked away, I couldn’t bear to see the pain in Blake’s eyes a moment longer. I caused him so much wrong, and yet he still tried. Blake let go of my arms and took a step back. A sigh escaped his lips and he walked away.

“I’m sorry for snapping. You’re going through a lot, I should respect that,” he turned to look at me briefly, before showing me his back once more, “It’s been almost 40 years, Faith. I would think that by now, you’d be past all this. Isaac-,”

“I’m not Isaac,” I snapped. I was done with this. I walked out onto the deck of the ship. Many of the men greeted me cheerfully, but I only gave them glares. I walked to the ledge and leaned over, staring at the water as it pushed past us. I had to think, but I couldn’t! I was too afraid that I might hear Logan’s voice again, resulting in more pain.

For the rest of the night, I vented, staring out at the ocean. I stopped thinking altogether. When I saw some light peek over the horizon, I was utterly surprised that night was gone. I walked into the cargo hold, to my coffin, feeling desperately tired. I didn’t even look at Blake when I climbed into my coffin. For the first time, I actually rejoiced in my head that I need not sleep in his coffin again.

I had a dream that sleep, an unusual feat for myself.

I was alone. There was nothing. My arms and legs bled. I felt a great pain in my entire body. My heart ached, as if it where falling apart in my chest. I fell to my knees, looking about the dark that surrounded me, but would not hide me. I wanted to cry. I could not. I wanted to shout. I could not.

Wicked laughter surrounded me, but no matter how hard I looked, I could not find the owner of the voice. The voice was right beside my ear, and it was far away, all at once.

“Who are you?” I asked. As fearful as I was, my voice was still disturbingly calm.

The laughter ceased, and the dark lifted. I stood to my feet, and saw Logan. He smiled at me, and a calm swept over my entire body. My wounds healed and my heart felt whole. I walked to him. Logan’s arms opened for me, and I did not refuse them. He collected me in his cold hug, and I felt tears in my eyes.

“Logan…” I began, but he stopped me from speaking. I saw him lift a sword from the corner of my eye. I turned my head to get a better look, and I gasped slightly. It was covered in blood, but who’s?

The realization hit me painfully.

I backed away from him and looked at my own chest. A large gap in my chest, at my heart. I looked at him, horrified, and he just smiled. I took another step away from him, and the pain in my chest started to grow. I took a step towards him, and the pain died.

“What is the meaning of this?” I demanded, taking another step to him. He didn’t answer me, “Logan!”

The darkness engulfed me again, and I fell to my knees once more, covering my head, begging for it to end. Logan’s laugh echoed in my mind. I wanted no more of this. The pain in my body came to me in a jolt, causing me to fall to the ground. My head hit the hard floor, and I felt another gash, but still, I could not cry.

I wished for death. I prayed for death.

“Faith?” a kind voice called out. I raised my head to the voice, and through the darkness, there was a yellow glow. I reached toward it, wanting it to take me. Blake emerged from the light, and took me in his arms. Immediately, the darkness faded to the warm yellow glow. He could not heal me. He could not help me to finally cry the tears I wanted. Still, I felt at peace.

“Blake,” I whispered, “Thank you for saving me,” my voice still held no emotion.

“I haven’t saved you,” he told me, sadly.

“You have,” I told him quietly, “I couldn’t stand that dark. You took it away. You gave me light,”

“But you are bleeding! You are hurt, and I can’t help you,”

“You’ve done enough,” I looked up, and tried to smile. I managed the smallest smile, and it lit up Blake’s face.

“I love you,” he told me.

“And I you,”

I awoke slowly and pushed the lid of my coffin off. I was surprised that I no longer felt the swaying of the ship. Perhaps we’ve stopped for some fishing?

I looked around, expecting to see Blake’s sad face upon me. I did not see him, or anything else I recognized. I was in a crypt, but there were no other coffins. I slipped out and to the floor, looking around. The crypt was made of pure, gorgeous marble. The floor had a red carpet extending from the door to my coffin. There were torches hanging on the walls, bringing light into the small room.

I wondered what was going on. Where were Blake, Isaac and Marcus? Where was I? I walked to the door, but I could already tell it was locked.

Locked in, I thought miserably.

I walked back to my coffin; I had not the energy to break down the door. I hadn’t eaten in a while, and felt completely worn.

Why would Blake leave me? I wondered, slightly full of hate. I thought of my dream, where I had confessed my love to him. Maybe I had talked in my sleep, and that’s what I said. Maybe he heard me say I loved him, and it hurt him. Maybe he’s locked me in here for death!

Calm down! I ordered myself; Blake would never leave me...he’s the only one I can trust in this entire, sad world!

“Then why did he leave you?” Logan’s voice asked me.

“No…” I whispered. I felt the pain come, and a small scream came from my tired throat. I fell to my hands and knees, gasping as the pain increased, “Please…”

“I told you to stop thinking about Blake!”

“I love him!” I cried out, screaming again, louder this time. The pain in my chest became more. I held myself up with one arm, while my other arm grasped at my chest.

“You do not!” the pain became too much. I fell to the floor and curled into a ball, wishing I was able to weep.

“You’ve ruined me,” I whispered, “Let me go. Please, let me be happy,”

The door to the crypt opened, and Blake, Isaac and Marcus quickly filed in. Blake ran to my side while the other two boys brought in three coffins.

“Faith, what’s wrong?” Blake asked, fear in his voice.

“Make Logan go away,” I begged, closing my eyes, “I can take no more of this!”

Blake took me in his arms, holding me close to him. This only made the pain grow. I screamed.

“Make him let you go!” Logan ordered.

“Blake...please let me go!”

“No!” Isaac yelled, kneeling beside me, “Faith, endure the pain a while longer. Don’t let Logan’s poison effect you any longer. If you ignore him, he’ll leave. Trust me,”

“Make him let you go!”

“Blake, please!” I shrieked. Blake started to sob, but he wouldn’t let me go. I struggled away from him, but I was too weak.

“Dammit, Faith! Get away from him!”

I looked up at Blake, slowly. It took quite a bit of effort to move my head. When I saw the tears on his face, it made me realized just how much Blake loved me. He wanted to let me go, but Isaac wouldn’t let him. Blake wanted to stop my pain, he wanted to do what I asked of him. Isaac wouldn’t let him.

“No…” I whispered. Isaac stood up and studied at my face, and Blake looked away.

“Faith!” Logan’s voice calmed down, “I love you, I just can’t stand to see you with another. For me, will you move away from him?” the pain started to fade. At first, I thought that maybe Logan was trying to be kind. Then, Isaac’s words came to mind. If I ignore him, he’ll leave!

“You don’t love me,” I whispered coldly. Isaac’s tiny smile came to his face, and Blake looked back down at me, his tears slowly coming to an end, “...and...I realize that I don’t love you,”

The pain disappeared altogether. I started to breathe hard, and I buried myself in Blake’s shirt. I still couldn’t cry, but I didn’t care.

“Faith…” Blake voice was loud in my ear. I looked up and smiled at him.

“I feel much better,” I told him. I lifted my hands to his face, gently bringing him closer to me, “Much better,” I pressed my lips against his. At first, he tried to pull away, expecting me to feel pain again. I held him there, not letting this end. Blake’s hands pressed against my back, as he kissed me back.

My head cleared. I felt tears in my eyes, and that feeling brought even more tears. Blake pulled away, wondering why I was crying. Isaac and Marcus were beaming with happiness, and then Blake understood.

“Faith! You’re crying!” He hugged me tighter. I could hear his smile in his voice.

I couldn’t say anything. I was too happy, and scared that if I spoke, I’d break again, causing my emotions to disappear once again.