Well That's Interesting

"I don't like nap time, I don't get tired and they make me lie down," Frankito gibbers as we go home. "And today I said I didn't want to nap, I wanted to look at a book, Miss Mahone got mad at me, and told me to go back to my mat."

"Urgh," I say laughing, "That sucks."

"Yeah," He says crossing his arms as I unlock the door. He takes off his school bag and puts it on the floor, before heading into the living room.

"Hi Angel," He pipes up, as we see her sitting on the couch.

"Hi Frankie," She says softly. "How was school?"

"I don't like nap time," He pouts, as he goes off to play with his toys. I just laugh as I go to sit next to Angel.

"Whatcha watching?" I ask, as I see it's commercials.

"A Baby Story," She says crossing her legs, so she sitting Indian style.

"Uh, not sure what that is," I giggle as I wrap an arm around her.

"Women openly let cameras follow them around the birthing week, including the delivery," She says calmly, "So far this Maria has had some contractions."

"Okay then." I say as I commercial for Preparation H comes to an end. I look down at her pants to see she's wearing black sweats. "Are those mine?" She giggles.

"Yeah. Only two of my pants fit me and they're both in the wash, as we speak."

"Oh, well you should go shopping for maternity clothes," I say kissing her cheek, "I'll go with you if you want."

The show comes back on, it's down to it's last ten minutes. This Maria woman went into labor and everything. As it progressed I see Angel get more and more uneasy.

"I don't think I'll be able to have this baby." She says as the end credits roll. "Not after seeing that."

"I'll get the hospital to give you extra strong drugs if you want." I say, she laughs.

"Drug me up till I'm a slurring mess."

"Anything for you babe," I laugh, "But we should wait till you sober up before we name this kid or else you'll end up naming him some fucked up name like Billie Joe."

"Are you saying-"

"His mom was high on painkillers when she named him," she rests her head on my shoulder. "What's wrong my sweet?"

"Do you wanna know?" she asks rolling her eyes.

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

"We're out of tomatoes, none of my clothes fit, my feet are killing me, my back hurts and this baby made me barf up my lunch, right when I thought morning sickness had run its course."
"That all then?" I say wrapping an arm around her.

"That TV show scared the crap out of me and I think I'm having mood swings." She pouts as I see her eyes well up, "Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing." I say as I stroke her hair and put my lips to her temple. "You want a foot massage?"

"No." she says regaining composure. "That'll make me feel pathetic."
"You're not pathetic." I say laughing.

"Well I don't want a foot massage," She protests.

"How about some tomato soup then?" I ask remembering besides ketchup, that's the only tomato product we have left.
"Soup sounds great," She smiles as I get up and head to the kitchen.

"And now for another episode of A Baby Story," The TV announcer exclaims.
"Change channel Angel," I call out, "It'll just want to make you hold in the baby!"

"What's wrong with that?" she laughs as I hear her change to VH1. I find a couple of cans of tomato soup and dump them in a pot and heat it up. The only reason we actually have tomato soup, is because Frankito went through a faze where he wouldn't eat any vegetables so Claudia came up with the idea that we puree them into soup. I know that's conniving and evil and I never wanted to be such a sneaky parent. but I couldn't let him survive on only pop tarts.

"Babe, you're on TV." She laughs.

"Huh?" I ask slinking back into the living room to see a clip from TRL of Billie and I talking about our 'special relationship.'

"Oh, so you and Billie." She smirks evilly as she looks me over.

"We exaggerate," I say rolling my eyes, "Yes occasionally we get so horny on that tour bus-" she bursts out laughing. "There was some stuff between us, but mostly just messing around. Nothing too arousing." Another clip from another interview starts up.

"Well Tré do you want to explain why you have crutches with you?" the host asks.

"Tre lost his testicle in a unicycle accident," Mike states.

"The stage just ended but he kept going," Billie adds in. Angel stares at me in awe.

"What you thought I was born like this?" I laugh.

"Well," She says embarrassed, "I didn't know unicycles could be so dangerous."

"Well they are." I say crossing my arms. I turn to head back into the kitchen.

"Frankie! Do you want soup?"

"Yup, yup," He says running into the kitchen. He goes into the cupboard and gets out the box of Goldfish crackers as I pour the soup into three bowls. "Do we have pepperoni?"

"Nope," I say as I look though a cupboard for a tray.

"Gar!" he says opening the fridge, "Can I put.....nothing," He mumbles as he realizes there's nothing much you can put in tomato soup. "Just Goldfish then."

"Yeah," I say finally locating the tray. I place the bowls and spoons on the tray as Frankito grabs the box of crackers.

We get into the living room and I find that Angel put the TV back on A Baby Story.
"I told you not to watch that, you're going to get over-paranoid." I say as I hand her a bowl and spoon.

"No, no, this woman seems to be having an easier time."

"Oh really, what's her secret?" I laugh as Frankito grabs his bowl from the tray and dumps a shit load of crackers in it. I take my bowl and sit next to Angel.

"Frankie, pass me those." She says as he hands her the box of crackers. She puts a little less than a handful in hers, I do the same before handing them back to my son, who adds yet another handful to his own.

"Apparently she's been going to Lamaze class." She says sipping her soup, "I'm now considering doing the same." Frankito finishes off his soup and finally realizes what we're watching.

"Ew! This is gross," He yelps as he scampers off.
"It really is," Angel laughs as she changes channel.