Ghosts We Carry Home.

It rained. The weather showed exactly how I felt. Rainy and grey. I couldn’t figure it out. Why had I been so mean to Jack? I loved him so much, he was one of my best friends. He was the only one who could understand me. I had hurt him on such a mean way. I didn’t deserve to go to the Light. Not after what I’d done. My chin was resting on my knees while I was looking at my own picture. The picture on my grave. I will dance on your fucking grave. That line popped in my head the entire time. I wondered what it would be like, dancing on someone’s grave. Or dancing on my own grave. Nobody would notice if I started to dance on my grave, nobody would see it. I stood up and started to sing the song I heard Alex sing so many times.

“Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book half unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because
I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough
But I'm stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And I'm over, getting older
If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old.”

I twirled, I jumped, I made a complete fool of myself. I had so much fun. I danced on my own grave, and there was nobody around to tell me it was wrong, nobody around who could laugh at me. I let myself fall on the ground and smiled. I had never felt so free. The rain was crashing around me, but it didn’t even make me wet. I felt alive again.

“Dancing on your grave? Looks like fun.”

I heard the voice that told me so many jokes, that forbid me things, and that learned me so much. I smiled.

“It was nice, you should try it, too.”

“I will when I’m dead.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean it, none of it.”

“I know.”

I turned around and saw Jack standing behind me. He was soaked, and his hair stuck to his face.

“You look like you fell in a pool,” I said.

“You look gorgeous, as always.”

I was flattered, honestly. I might even have blushed.

“I really am sorry,” I said again. “I’m such a fool. I say things I don’t mean, and I really regret them.”

“It’s okay, Mel, really.”

“No it’s not. I hurt you. I hurt you so much.”

“I’m a tough guy, remember?”

“I remember,” I said. “But, Jack, what can I do now? I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so lost.”

“You will never be lost while I’m around,” Jack promised me.

“Really?”

“Yes, and you might want to start with talking to Alex?”

“We might start with getting you out of the cold before you get ill,” I corrected him.

“And then talk to Alex?”

“How?” I asked him.

“I will help you.”

“I’m afraid,” I whispered.

“You don’t have to be. It’ll work out fine.”

“Are you sure about that? ‘Cause I’m absolutely not.”

“Trust me, Mel,” Jack smiled. I stood up and walked towards Jack.

“Thank you,” I said. I wrapped my arms around him and tried to protect him from the rain which seemed to be crashing harder and harder.

“How did you find me?” I wondered.

“I first went to the place I met you,” Jack answered. “And when I didn’t find you there, I tried to think of other places where you could be. This was the only one that popped in my mind.”

“But we’ve never been here before.”

“That’s the weirdest part about it,” Jack grinned.

“This whole story is weird,” I mentioned.

“One worth remembering,” Jack said.

“One worth telling,” I smiled.

“The world wouldn’t believe it,” Jack told me. “There’s no point in telling strangers.”

“I didn’t mean strangers,” I said. “I meant someone else.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jack mumbled.
Jack and I walked out of the cemetery in silence. For everyone else it would look like Jack walked alone.

“You will never walk alone, Jack,” I said. “I will stay with you forever.”

“I hope you mean this figuratively?” Jack asked unsure.

“Of course,” I said. “But as long as I’m still here, know that I will never let you walk alone. I will always be there.”

Jack would never walk alone. I would stay by his side forever, even when I got to the Light. I would always walk beside Jack. In his heart, in his mind, in his soul.