Ghosts We Carry Home.

I hadn’t seen Alex for quite a while, and I kind of started to miss him. So I went to visit him again. He had changed. He was smiling and shining like never before. Not that I knew how he was before I came into his life, but the imaginations of it were good enough for me. I guessed Alex was almost the same as he used to be. Jack had ditched Chrissy a week ago, and he was smiling and shining more, too. It was odd, but apparently Chrissy kept Jack from being who he really was.

“Hey Alex, what are you doing?”

I talked to him, even if he couldn’t hear me. It was like talking to someone who’s in a coma. They don’t respond, but in some way, they hear you. And I knew that Alex had heard every word I had said to him in these passed weeks. I sat down next to Alex and read the things that he was writing down.

Manage me, I’m a mess. Turn a page, I’m a book that must be read.

I smiled at Alex, but of course, he didn’t see that. Alex had a great talent as a songwriter, and as a singer, but sometimes I felt like there was a small thing missing in his lyrics.

“Maybe you should change something,” I suggested. “Perhaps you should try ‘I’m a book, half unread’?”

Alex sighed and started to draw circles around the words ‘I’m a book that must be read’. He scratched the words and let his pencil float above them for a few seconds. He wrote ‘I’m a book half unread’ instead.

“Holy shit,” I said. I jumped off my seat and ran out of the room.

“Jack?” I yelled while I was running. “Jack, where are you?”

I started to run harder, and it almost felt like I was flying.

“Melanie, what’s wrong?”

Jack stood behind me. He look worried.

“He can hear me.”

“Who can hear you?” Jack asked unsure.

“Alex,” I said. “Alex can hear me.”

“Mel, I don’t want to discourage you, but he can’t hear you. Only I can.”

“No, that’s not true. I said something to him and he wrote it down. I swear.”

“Tell me what happened,” Jack said after an uncomfortable silence.

“He was writing down some lyrics, and I said that I’d be better if he changed ‘I’m a book that must be read’ into ’I’m a book half unread’, and he did!”

“Mel, this doesn’t mean he heard you.”

“Then what does it mean?” I snapped. Why didn’t he believe me?

“Sit down.”

Jack invited me to sit next to him, but I ignored his invitation.

“Look, this could have been a coincidence,” he said. “No, this was a coincidence. Don’t you think I know how much you have talked to Alex?”

I didn’t say anything. I wished I could walk through walls, so I could escape the truth that was coming. When I figured out I actually could walk through the walls, I didn’t have the guts to do it.

“Did he ever respond to the questions you asked him?” Jack wanted to know.

“No,” I said.

“It was a coincidence,” Jack said again.

“I don’t believe in coincidence,” I whispered.

“What do you believe in, Melanie?” Jack asked me.

It was a simple question. I knew what I believed in, but I could answer. It was like someone taped over my mouth.

“I don’t know,” I said after a minute.

“I’m sorry Melanie,” Jack said.

I knew he meant it. I nodded and walked back to Alex’s room. I looked at Alex and started to ask him a lot of questions, most of them were useless, but I needed to know if he could hear me. Jack was right. He couldn’t, and all of this was a coincidence. I could only wish it wasn’t, but I didn’t believe in wishes, so I didn’t try.

“This sucks, right?” I said. “I really hoped Jack wouldn’t be the only one who could hear me. I mean, I’d like to talk to someone else, too. Someone who’s not a ghost, for example. Ghosts scare me.”

Alex didn’t nod, didn’t move, didn’t respond.

“I wonder how silly this looks. Me talking to someone that doesn’t respond, I mean. At least, I realize you can’t hear me, and I’m not screaming in your ears just in case you’d be deaf.”

Alex started to draw circles round his words again.

“You want to hear something funny?” I asked. I didn’t wait for Alex’s response. Simply, because I would never get one.

“While I was alive, I had never loved someone. Of course, I loved my friends and my family, but I never really, really, really loved someone.”

I stared in Alex’s dark eyes and sighed.

“You have.” I whispered.

I could have easily been talking to a wall. I think I would have gotten more response out of that.

“This is ridiculous. Why do I keep talking to you?” I sighed once more.

“God, I wish you would be able to hear me.”

I just made a wish.