Sweet, Sweet Superstar

I twirled a strand of my brunette hair around my fingers, the silk of the strands helping my eyes stay focused on my notes. I ran my finger along the words, not letting my gaze stray. My tongue traveled over my top lip and then my bottom before I began chewing on the flesh as if it was a candy bar. I sighed, setting my elbows on the table and putting my head in my hands. I scrubbed at my face as Kara threw her pen on the table with a loud clack that vibrated off the walls of the library.

"I don't know about you, but I'd rather be at a hockey game." She mumbled, giving me a look.

"You could have gone." I told her, pointing my finger. "I wouldn't have stopped you."

"I wasn't invited. Plus, how would he feel if I showed up without you. Hey Tony, I know you were hoping for Brianna, but hopefully I'm enough." She snorted out a laugh.

"He obviously wouldn't give a shit since he hasn't bothered to call in, oh you know, a year!" I slammed my hand on the table, earning a glare from the girl next to me. I gave her the same look back, not willing to take anyones crap tonight.

"Brianna..."

"Don't take his side, Kara. He lied to me. Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie." Kara pursed her lips and nodded as I set my face in my hands.

"Has he called since he got into town?"

"Yes." I mumbled into my hands, thinking back to our conversation just hours before this moment.

Just one more page. Then you can take a break. I pushed myself through the second hour of studying, barely able to repeat my mantra any longer. I squeezed my eyes shut to get a moment of relief before snapping them open once again. I read through the page quickly, not absorbing any of the information. I read the last line, pushing the book off of my lap letting it hit the floor with a thud. I heaved myself off the bed next, not the best place to study, and went into the kitchen of mine and Kara's apartment.

I yawned, pulling out the coffee from the fridge and going through the motions of making a pot of the liquid relief. I leaned against the counter, staring at the clock as it ticked down the remaining minutes of the day. From the minute I woke up today, something felt different. I wasn't able to put my finger on the difference, or maybe even the importance of the day, and it had been eating away at me, denting my concentration.

I practically jumped out of my skin when my iPhone went off. The sound of Taylor Swift's Super Star, making my skin break out in goosebumps. It had been a long time, almost a year if we wanted to get technical, since I had rejoiced in the sounds of Taylor Swift telling me my boyfriend was on the phone. It had been so long since he called, that I wasn't even sure if I could consider him my boyfriend anymore.

I hesitantly looked at my phone, seeing Tony's name and the picture I took of him sleeping one of the summer nights before he left. I closed my eyes and I could practically feel him pressing me into the mattress after I had burst out giggling. He tried to delete the picture, but I was able to salvage it. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that my vision began to swim. I reached down, pressing send and listening to his steady breathing. How could he be so calm while I was a wreck?

"Brianna?" His deep voice called out to me, making me shake harder in my socks.

"Tony." I pushed out through gritted teeth. I was shaking so much that if I released the pressure on my teeth, they would begin to chatter.

"Hey, how are you?" He asked me. I scoffed at him, rolling my eyes at my reflection in the window I was looking out of. The nonchalant of his voice and his words made the annoyance and anger rise to the surface.

"I'm great." I muttered sarcastically. Tony was silent, probably trying to figure out by my voice inflection if I was serious or not.

"That's good." He spoke meekly. "Look, I'm sorry I haven't called. Things have been crazy, but I'm in town and I wanted to invite you to the game."

"I'm busy." I replied immediately. My anger took over my shock and it showed in my voice as it held an undeniable snap to it. I glared at the people walking along the sidewalk, steam building up pressure in my head.

"Oh. Okay, that's cool." I could hear how nervous he sounded and I could practically see him running his fingers through his hair nervously. His teeth would be digging into his bottom lip as he tried to think of something to say.

"Yep."

"Brianna, I'm sor-"

"Save your useless apology for someone who gives a shit because I don't anymore." I snapped, pressing end before he could even process what I just said.

"So it didn't go well." Kara widened her eyes, looking away from me.

"Was it supposed to?" I chuckled without humor. I closed my book, looking at the clock to see that the first period must have just ended.

"No, but it probably could have been better." She gave me a look and I stared back, blinking with my eyes narrowed.

"I'm not going to let him think what he is doing is okay because it's not." I snapped at Kara, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. I began to pack my stuff up, deciding that studying was useless when my mind was currently at the Xcel Energy Center. I just wanted to go home and sleep until I woke up tomorrow morning when Tony would be gone. I hoisted my bag over my shoulder, looking down at Kara as she sighed, running a hand through her hair. There was an obvious rift between the two of us and it made me shift awkwardly from foot to foot.

"Do me a favor even though you're obviously team Tony? Don't help him find me if he bothers looking." She nodded, but it wasn't enough for me. "Kara, if you do one thing for me, keep him away from me so I can get through the rest of the year and focus on my upcoming senior year."

"I won't tell." She whispered softly, her top lip sucked into her mouth. Her grey eyes looked into mine and I nodded in acknowledgment.

"Thank you." I gave her a small smile before I turned and walked out of the library.

Later that night, I laid in my bed as the clock struck midnight, unable to sleep. It was officially tomorrow, but Tony was still on my mind. All the weeks and days I spent missing him so bad that it hurt. The nights where I would lay awake and imagine him with someone else, how he would hold her, if he loved her, if she was prettier than me. So many questions plagued my mind until I was sure that Tony hadn't called because he realized he could do better. But Kara talked me out of that, making me see the light that Tony was in the NHL. The Pros change people, she had told me with a shrug as if it was that simple. But it wasn't; anything with Tony would never be that simple.

I tried to play off my inability to sleep by telling myself I was nervous for the two tests I had on Thursday, two days away, but that was far from it. No, I couldn't sleep because of the soft knocking on the apartment door that had been repeating for the past couple minutes. I cursed Kara as I crawled out of my bed, flicking off her door as I blindly made my way around our apartment. I chomped down on my bottom lip, my hand meeting the cool metal of the gold knob. I took a deep breath and turned it, squinting at the light that flooded in from the hall. Once the burning subsided, I looked across the hall at where Tony was leaning against the wall.

He took my breath away when he gave me a soft smile, pushing off the wall. I whimpered as his hands came to my hips, pulling me roughly into his body. He lifted me by the backs of my thighs, his lips hovering above mine.

"Why are you doing this to me? You're making me spin out of control." He was so close that each time my lips move, they teasingly brushed against his.

"Because I love you." Was all he said before he put an end to all talking.

His lips pressed to mine and I melted into a puddle in his arms. I gripped his shoulders tightly as he carried me to my room. He pushed the door open, shutting it behind him all the while keeping his lips on mine. I didn't know how he knew which one my room was or how he was able to navigate the place in the dark, but I didn't care.

I trailed my tongue along his bottom lip, making him emit a low moan from his chest. His hands gripped the back of my thighs tightly, making my stomach drop as he ground his hips into me. I let my head fall to my shoulder as he pushed off of the closed door and moved to the bed. He set me on the end before helping me crawl to the top, scooping me up and scotching me to the top.

Our lips never wandered from each other, not even pausing to trail down parts of our bodies. They felt too good pressed together, too right to break the bond. The feel of our tongues touching sent waves of pleasure straight down my body where it pool between my legs. My fingers dug into his back as he shed his shirt along with mine. I was beyond thinking rational, too intoxicated by his scent and touch to think about what this would do to me in the morning. Sex wasn't going to change the fact that Tony had a plane to be on in the morning, or that he would fall back into his old ways. No, but it would comfort both of us enough to make it through the rest of my junior and my senior year of college.

Tony paused suddenly, pulling away from me as his thumbs stroked against my cheek bones. He leaned down softly setting his lips under my eyelids. My lids fluttered shut as my grip on his back loosened. I sighed before taking in another deep breath. My fingers threaded through his long hair. I had missed the feel of his fine hairs stroking against my fingers. Tony let out a content sigh before he moved his lips back to mine, picking up where we left off.

I tugged the fist fulls of his hair. He groaned, his fingers rubbing circles into my hips bare since my sweatpants had joined the pile of clothes on the floor. I laid beneath him in my matching black bra and panties. I refused to mention that they weren't what I was wearing before I went to bed. I undid his belt, my fingers brushing against the bulge in his pants. He hissed, my fingers teasingly sliding his zipper down. This was my way of killing him with pleasure.

I pushed the black fabric of his dress pants down his hips, leaving him in his black boxer briefs. My tongue slid across his bottom lip, grinning at how turned on he was. His green eyes met mine, our colors the same shade. I dipped my hands passed the elastic waistband, gathering him in my hands as he gripped my hips for a grasp of reality. I ran my fingers over his length, wondering if anyone else had touched him like this. I said no, but subconsciously I knew the answer was yes.

"Mmm," He moaned into my mouth, our lips parting to accommodate our tongues.

"Tony." I breathed out to him as I squeezed him tightly in my hand. My thumb dipped into the slit of his head, his eyes dilating, pupils huge. His eyes slid shut, breaking our eye contact while his mouth moved from mine because he couldn't hold the kiss due to the sting of moans that were coming from his throat. One of his large hands slid between my legs, rubbing my clit in fast circles his urgency immediately transferring to me. My head tilted back and I let out a long, moan of approval.

"I need you." He whispered, his hands ripping my panties from my legs. The rough skin of his hands ran over my slick flesh before his hand slid beneath my hips lifting them off the bed and to his mouth. I gasped, my hands flying to his head threading through his hair.

"Fuck!" I screamed not even being considerate of Kara in the other room. She asked for this when she broke her promise. Tony's tongue slid over my wet lips adding his own wetness as he lapped at the sensitive bead. I gripped his hair with one hand, my other slapping against the comforter before pulling it into a tight ball. "Holy shit." I muttered repeating the same two words over and over until the whole world slammed to a stop, and I began free falling.

I screamed as Tony stayed with me, my body landing in a bed of white hot liquid. My muscles convulsed, squeezing and grasping, concaving in on Tony's fingers. I shook as Tony set my hips back against the bed.

"Plenty more where that came from," he grinned down at me, pushing his boxer briefs off the lower part of his body.

We lunged at each other at the same time, our lips and bodies tangling together. Tony held my hips against the bed as he thrust into me. I squeaked at the sudden invasion, grasping the back of his neck tightly as he squeezed my hips, asking if I was alright. I panted out my answer as he built a temp that made me want to sing along to it. But I couldn't breathe, think, or function as he pushed us towards the sweet release. I grasped his back, clinging to him, a thin sheen of sweat coating our bodies. My head tilted back, arching off the bed as our chests stuck together like glue.

Tony laughed as I bit my lip, breaking our kiss and opting to control the sounds of pleasure that I had let flow freely from my mouth. The pressure inside of me began to build, Tony pounding into me with a quick tempo, his hands firmly grasping my hips using them as an anchor. I moaned out loudly as the muscles inside of me began to quiver. Tony's grip on my hips tightened as they lifted off the bed for a brief moment. He pinned them there with his hips, his hands wrapping around my wrists and keeping them above my head.

As if something inside of me came loose, my muscles coiled into a tight ball, making me sit up and pressing myself firmly to Tony. They released all at once. A hot fire licked at my skin and slid through my body as the breath was taken from my lungs. I tried to call out, to tell Tony how incredible the feeling was, but I couldn't talk. My voice was taken from my body as my brain buzzed from the sensory overload. I fell back against the bed as Tony's release began, his breath audible as it whooshed from his lungs. He let out a loud groan, his head tilting back as he pushed in once more, burying deep as I gripped him tightly. He let out a string of curses before he collapsed on the bed, rolling over so I was laying on his chest.

I listened to the rapid pattering of his heart. I ran my hands over his chest, tracing designs into his skin. I kissed his chest as our breathing began to descend back to a normal rate. Tony's hands ran over my back, dipping in the curve of my spine and making my skin tinge in his fingers' wake. I took a deep breath, the familiar smell of his body wash tickling my nostrils.

The silence that swam around us made me wish I had something to say. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him while he was gone, and how having him wrapped in my arms felt so right. Right enough that he should stay here with me. But the majority of my mind told me how much of a moron I was. How could I let this happen? Tony heaved a sigh as he shifted me around on his chest. He turned my face, our eyes meeting and filled with several emotions.

"Why didn't you call? Why didn't you ever return my phone calls? Why did you show up here expecting everything to be okay?" The questions spilled out one after another, the walls within myself bursting after holding them in for so long. Tony sighed after each question, shaking his head and fluttering his eyelashes. "I gave you what you came here for. Give me what I want."

"This wasn't about sex." He told me, motioning to our naked bodies. "This was about how much I missed you."

"Whatever. I want my answers."

"I told you, Brianna; I've been busy."

"Bullshit. I love you Tony; I know when you are lying."

"What do you want me to say then?" He asked, irritation on his face while a different emotion, pain, surged through his eyes.

"I want you to tell me you missed me. I want you to tell me why you didn't care enough to call." I sat up, rolling off of him. I wrapped the sheet around my body, crossing my arms over my chest.

"That wasn't what it was about. It was never about not caring." He insisted.

"Then what was it about!?" I snapped at him, angry tears pooling in my eyes.

"I don't know, okay!? I don't fucking know. All I do know is that I woke up every morning missing you so bad it hurt. And every time I picked up the phone to call, I could picture you with another guy, happy and not thinking about me. If you were happy, I couldn't ruin that for you."

"Tony, you were still my boyfriend." I reminded him. He propped himself up on one arm, throwing his right one over my stomach to grasp my left hip.

"Honey, none of that matters anymore. We're together right now. Can't we just leave that in the past and enjoy our night together?"

"You promised not to forget me." I whispered, a tear slipping down my cheek.

"I never did." He murmured softly as he rolled on top of me, kissing me with the intent of making me forget the past and focus solely on the right now.
***

The sunlight streamed through my white curtains, puncturing the dark that had allowed me to sleep. I wrinkled my nose at the intrusion, yawning as I stretched out along my mattress, toes curling up. Images of last night reeled through my mind, making a soft smile fall across my lips. I rolled over to Tony, wrapping my arms around the pillow he should have been on.

I pursed my lip, sucking in my bottom one and biting down on it hard enough to draw blood. The skin was already irritated from Tony's teeth last night and the puffy skin moaned in protest as my sharp teeth cut through the delicate skin. I used the pain as an excuse for why tears streamed down my cheeks from my sad, green eyes. They hit the paper beneath my cheek with loud pops, the fat drops making the paper stick to my face. I opened my eyes, the harsh sunlight, along with the realization that he was really gone, smacked at my face and heart.

I sat up, taking in a deep breath and pushing it out as if that would some how take away the horrible hollow feeling in my chest. My breath whooshed out of my lungs with a loud sob as I stared down at my name, written in Tony's rough handwriting. My fingers ran over the printing paper, tracing the outline of my name along with the wet circles my tears had made. I kept my bite down on my lip as I scooped up the paper, reading it over as my eyebrows lowered in confusion. More tears flew down my cheeks as I began to curse Tony as if he was a new sworn enemy.

Brianna,
This isn't about not loving you. But this is for the best. I don't expect you to understand, but someday you will. I promise.

I love you,
Tony

I glared down at his signature, something I had seen him sign on countless jerseys of his little fans, my heart breaking into a thousands jagged, rough pieces. I crumpled the note up tossing it towards the trash as I laid back in my bed, sadly still naked. I spent the rest of the day in bed before I feel asleep in a pile of tears, actually believing that when I woke up in the morning; I would be over him.

*** (TONY)

I stared down at Brianna as she slept soundly, her back rising and falling as she gripped the pillow I had placed in her hands tightly to replace myself. I traced her cheek bone softly, the backs of my knuckles barely touching her skin. I hated myself for what I was about to do, and how I was leaving before she even woke up. But duty calls like always, and I was too scared to wake her and officially lose her. I didn't want to, that's why I hadn't been calling. I was scared for what she would have to say to me. I knew that made me a coward, but I wanted to imagine that she would wait for me, stay this way, beautiful and all mine until she graduated from college. Call me delirious, but I had dreams like that every night I was away from her.

I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath as I leaned down to place a kiss on her neck where a red mark was already forming after I bit down too hard, marking her as mine. She smelled so good, like a sweet, flowery scent, mixed with sex. It made me want to stay here with her and have my way with her once again when she finally awoke. But there wasn't time for that.

I had a life to get back to in San Jose, one that had kept me from Brianna for the past handful of months. I kept telling myself this was for her benefit, that keeping my distance was what would give her strength to push on through college. This would help her graduate with good grades and a degree that she had always wanted. This is for her, I told myself when the guilt clawed at my stomach as I held my phone in my hands, the clock telling me I had one minute left before I needed to leave.

I licked my lips thoughtfully as I studied her face, taking a picture in my mind so that I could remember this when times got tough, when I wanted to call her so bad and beg her to come out to see me. I closed my eyes, shaking my head as I looked around the room. I cleared my throat softly, shaking off the sadness that was coursing through my body as the clock finally struck 6:00. I got to her desk, grabbing a sheet of paper from her printer and staring down at it. There was so much I wanted to say. I could fill a whole pack of this paper, front and back, with excuses and reasons as to why I was doing this. But she would never understand, not until she was out of college, not until I could think of what to say to her.

The paper was heavy in my hands as I finally thought of what I wanted to say. I pressed the pen to the paper, pouring my heart out in a couple simple sentences. I folded it, wrote her name on the white surface before walking back to the bed. I looked down at it, frowning deeply because I knew she wouldn't understand any of these words. The sentences I wrote down wouldn't keep her heart together when she woke up, if anything they would break her because, how could you do something like this to someone you love?

I shook my head, not knowing the answer as I slipped the paper next to her head. No, you wouldn't do this to someone you love as much as I love Brianna, but that didn't stop me from grabbing my jacket, and walking out of her life once again.