You Can Only Imagine

“Alright, alright, everyone. That is enough. Get to your seats.”, she instructed the students. Tori and I let go of each other and I followed him, sitting down next to him on his left. I saw Mrs. Yates look at me, and I quickly started hoping and praying that she would not give me the same questionnaire that I had only just received in Tori’s previous class this morning, but deep down I knew that I was not going to be that lucky and that it would happen once again.
“Well then…as you can all see we have a guest amongst us today. So why not let him tell us a little bit about himself?”, she said directing the statement at me.
I sighed, but heard Tori giggle quietly, which made me feel a little less nervous about speaking about myself once again.
“My name is Skylar. I am 17. I graduated from high school when I was 16. I am in my third year of college working towards a degree in Criminal Psychology and Criminal Investigations. I’m originally from Bonn, Germany, but moved to the U.S. about three years ago to be closer to my sister.”, I stated plainly and in a somewhat monotone voice.
Mrs. Yates nodded her head, a slightly surprised expression upon her face.
“What brings you here if you have already graduated? I have never seen you around here before.”, she asked me curiously.
“I’m here to spend time with my fiancé and just kind of see what it is like here. (lol)”, I said to her.
“You’re 17 and engaged?”, she asked me, glancing at Tori.
“Your fiancé wouldn’t happen to be Tori now would it?”, she asked me, a hint of excitement in her voice.
She also had that creepy, happy glimmer in her eyes, that one that makes you wonder, but not really want to know just what is going on in her mind at the moment. I glanced at Tori who nodded his head ever so slightly, letting me know that it was ok for me to tell her that he was indeed my fiancé. A blush slowly crept its way across his face. I smiled gently at him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it softly and reassuringly.
“Yes Tori is my fiancé.”, I told her grinning from ear to ear.
Mrs. Yates looked even more excited now, creeping me out ever so slightly.
“Tori!, did you get a ring? How long have you two been together? How did the two of you meet? How often do you two get to see each other?”, she rattled off all in one breath in a boisterous and extremely nosey tone.
It made me wish I had not said anything and that I could just melt into the chair I was seated in and disappear. I saw Tori start to grow tense, making me frown, worried and wondering if he would be ok. I glanced at Mrs. Yates, then to Tori, sighing inwardly.
“Yes Tori has a ring.”, I randomly stated, holding up his left hand in my own for everyone to catch a glimpse of the engagement ring I had gotten for him.
Tori turned his head down, trying to hide his blush and embarrassment. I gently squeezed his hand once again in reassurance and to try to comfort him even if it was only barely.
“And…?”, Mrs. Yates drew, waiting in anticipation and impatiently to hear the rest of her questions answered.
Tori looked at me and just nodded his head telling me to just get it over with and answer her questions so that he could go back to being invisible. I felt really bad for dragging all of this attention towards him, looking at him sympathetically. I turned my attention back to Mrs. Yates.
“I met Tori online and through my sister. We have been together three years now. This is actually our first time meeting in person and it’s most definitely been worth it.”, I said looking at Tori smiling warmly and lovingly at him.
Tori smiled back at me, bright red, yet still grinning at the fact that I was not afraid to tell everyone about us. Mrs. Yates looked at us with great interest, as well as his rest of the students, all of their stares upon us. I started to feel nervous and extremely uncomfortable once again. Tori was the one squeezing my hand in an attempt to comfort me and to get me to calm down this time.
“That’s quite fascinating!”, Mrs. Yates piped up, causing me to glance up at her with my eyebrow arched at her idiotic way or wording things.
“It’s a pretty rare thing these days to see two people as close, as deeply in love, and as devoted as the two of you seem to be towards each other. I’m honestly a bit lost for words.”, she said.

“Good then maybe you’ll do us a favor and shut the fuck up. You are annoying me. -.-’”, I thought to my self.

“To see the two of you in front of me as living proof that online/long distance relationships can actually work and can honestly and truly, transcend all difficulties and road blocks when you’re so deeply in love.”, she gushed to us.

“You don’t even know the half of it. (lol) He is still afraid I am going to leave even though I have stayed after all of the shit we have been through together. It leaves me worried he is just trying to push me away so he can go and find someone else, but then again it also leaves me feeling like a monster. He will not open up to me at all. Should it not be the other way around? He’s the one who’s been hurting me, breaking his promises, blocking me out of his life, going behind my back, keeping secrets, not being honest, yet I still love him to death. I do not want to lose him. I do not want to be with anyone else. I should be the one shoving him away not the other way around. It honestly pisses me off that he does this to me. I am always trying to fix him, to make him feel better, yet he never does that for me. I guess that would make me whipped beyond belief. So many people keep telling me that I deserve better, that he is just using me, but I do not believe them. I know he has been through so much, but I have been through so much more than he has and he cannot seem to understand that he needs to man up and help me fix us and stop dwelling on his past. You cannot change what has happened. I know that all too well, but if you want to secure your future with someone, you cannot be a coward and just run away from everything. I cannot blame him, but I am angry that sometimes he will not really even try to fix what he has done or repair the damage. He just sits there and says I am sorry. I hope that things will get better now that we are together though. “, I thought to myself.

“I’m so very happy or you both. You have my well wishes, congratulations, and support.”, she told us genuinely and honestly.
Tori and I glanced at each other, both of our expressions grateful, yet slightly weirded out.
“Thank you ma’am. It means a lot to us.”, I said to her as sincerely as I possibly could.

“I am honestly quite shocked that she’s that supportive of us and as understanding as she is towards Tori and I, but at the same time I feel relieved that she does accept it though her comment to Tori about ‘being gay means he’s more likely to die and get AIDS’ pisses me off. I really, honestly, and truly love Tori more than anything in the world and I’ll do what ever it takes to keep him safe and to make sure he’s happy. If I did not love him as much as I do I would have left him long ago, but he does not seem to understand that very well. (lol) I wonder if I should tell her that he’s with an over protective completely clean guy who lost his virginity to a clean guy so obviously he’s not going to get AIDS. I will not go sleeping around and he will not either. We’ve already dealt with something along those lines and I’m quite sure we never will again.”, I thought to myself, remembering the horrifyingly painful experience.

I could feel my body growing cold and my heart starting to wrench and twist. Tori looked at me worried as he saw my expression just fall to that of sheer pain even though I tried my best to mask it. I was snapped out of my thoughts though at the sound of Mrs. Yates voice, thankfully. I did not want to keep remembering that.
“It’s a refreshing image from all of the dramatic relationships that we normally see today. I am also quite impressed Skylar, that you were not afraid to stand up to someone you barely know when they attacked you and Tori. You are quite the forward young man and do not really seem at all afraid to speak your mind and how you feel about situations that present themselves to you. That was shocking, yet so interesting. I really should not be saying this, but good job Skylar, well done.”, Mrs. Yates praised me for my actions against Hannah’s approach.
Again, an ear-to-ear grin spread across my face. I glanced at Tori out of the corner of my eye and saw him trying so hard to hold back his giggles. He could more than likely tell I was tired of her interrogating us, but it made me feel so good inside to see him so happy now versus the mood in he was in only a short while ago. Tori looked over at me then quickly looked glanced down at his lap to try to hide the blush that I saw creeping across his face.
“Awwwww! Boo! You’re so cute!”, I tried to whisper as quietly as I could to him, making him blush an even deeper shade of crimson and quietly groan in embarrassment.
“Alright class, let’s settle down and get back on track and go over today’s topic, which is conflict-resolution…”, Mrs. Yates started speaking to the class.
I started tuning her out on the other hand fairly quickly and opened up my notebook and pulled out a sheet that had all of the instructions I needed for writing a paper for my Psychology of Human Relations class back at the college. I started to work on it and after a bit I felt someone poking my right side and quickly looked over to see Tori staring at me. I gave him a questioning look and then heard someone clear his or her throat. I quickly looked around trying to locate the source and ended up locking eyes with Mrs. Yates only to avert my eyes quickly. I felt my face flush out of embarrassment and quickly tried to hide my blush by looking at me lap.
“Well Skylar…what could possibly have you so distracted that you didn’t hear me?”, she asked my intrigued.
“I was working on my Psychology of Human Relations paper ma’am.”, I said to her, my voice a bit unsteady because I was still embarrassed that I didn’t hear her trying to speak to me.
“You’re taking a psychology class? What psychology classes have you taken may I inquire?”, she asked me inquisitively.
“I’ve taken Introduction to Psychology, Abnormal Psychology, Developmental Psychology, Psychology of Human Relations, Living with Death, Cultural Anthropology, and Sociology ma’am.”, I told her in a somewhat rushed manner, just wishing to be taken out of the spotlight.
“I’m impressed. That’s quite the number of Psychology classes.”, she told me, a small overlying hint of surprise in her voice.

“Can’t you just leave me alone and shut the fuck up woman. x.x You’re driving me absolutely insane.”, I mentally grumbled to myself.

“Well then, I suppose I’ll let you get back to your work.”, she told me nodding her head at me.
I nodded my head ever so slightly turning my attention back to my notebook, as she continued teaching the class before she had once again picked on me. I glanced at Tori out of the corner of my eye, catching his and smiled warmly at him. I switched my pencil to my left hand and reached for his left hand with my right one, lacing my fingers gently with his, getting him to smile at me. I grinned at him and then turned my attention back to my paper once again. When I was finished with my paper, I packed my stuff up and glanced at Tori, gently tugging on his hand to get his attention. He quickly looked over at me, a questioning look upon his face.
“How much longer is class?”, I asked him in a hushed tone.
Tori glanced at the clock and then back at me.
“Like 45 minutes. Why?”, he asked me curiously.
“I’m getting a little bored and antsy sorry.”, I told him, doing a small yet not really noticeable impatient dance in my seat for him to see what I meant.
“Ah. Well I do not know. Do you want to go to my locker and get the laptop and go to the library and do some of your homework?”, he asked me.
“I’ll just come find you after class.”, Tori told me, smiling softly.
“Is it ok if I do? I’ll stay here if you want me to Boo.”, I whispered to Tori softly.
“It’s fine. (lol) It’s ok honestly.”, Tori told me.
“I won’t make you suffer through this and you probably already know all of this anyways, soooo…(lol) It’s ok.”, Tori told me sincerely, smiling at me warmly.
I melted inside at the sight of that gorgeous smile. I love it so much! ^o^ I gathered my materials and turned to Tori.
“How do I get to your locker from here and then to the library?”, I asked him, realizing I could not just get up and leave.
I had no idea how to find my way away around the school just yet. Tori just gave me an “omg uhm……..” look, flipped to a blank page in his notebook, sketched something out for me, and then tore it out of his notebook, quickly handing it to me.
“I hope this makes sense. ^.^’ “, he whispered to me quietly.
If he could have, Tori probably would have been pulling one of those famous “omg anime sweat drop” moments right now. XD I looked over the map he drew for me quickly.
“I think I can find my way around with this. Thank you. :]”, I said to him, smiling softly.
“If I get lost I’ll text you. XD “, I told him chuckling as quietly as I possibly could, grinning like an idiot.
I stood up and headed over towards the door praying that she would just leave me alone, but my attempt was a bust and pretty sad one at that. I knew all too well my chances of just slipping out were slim to none, but we can dream and pray right? (lol) I just have horribly luck. T_T
“Is there something wrong? Where are you going?”, Mrs. Yates questioned me.
I turned to face her, once again turning bright red in embarrassment, growing tired of always being called on and being put in the spotlight.
“There’s nothing wrong ma’am. I just have something that I need to take care of.”, I said to her, turning back towards the door and heading towards it.
“Well it was nice to meet you Skylar. Good luck to you.”, she said to me sincerely.
I glanced back at her and saw her smiling at me.
"Thank you ma’am and same to you.”, I said to her giving her a small smile as I walked out of the room, glancing one last time at Tori grinning at him, getting the “you suck” look as I closed the door behind me quietly and gently.
I grabbed out my phone and sent him “I know I do”. xD
I glanced at the map in my hand that Tori had drawn for me and admired his cute drawing style for a moment imagining him blushing had I told him how cute it was and how much more adorable it made him. XD I started walking down the hallway on my left. I continued to follow the map, glancing at my wrist where Tori had written his locker number and the combination to it for me. I glanced around looking at the numbers on the lockers on either side of me. I saw that I was fairly close to his locker number and walked a little more, finally spotting it. I turned the dial on his locker and actually managed to get it open on my first try. I grinned inwardly at myself proud of my minimal, kind of pathetic accomplishment. XD I grabbed my bag from his locker and slung it over my shoulder, then closed his locker, spinning the dial out of habit before I started on my way to try finding the library. I looked down at his map once again and headed towards the nearest set of stairs, which was only a little ways down the hallway. I headed up the stairs and stopped at the top of them, looking back at Tori’s map, then walked off to the right, soon finding the library. I walked in glancing around, a bit unsure of what to do.
“Can I help you?”, I heard someone asked me, startling me.
I quickly turned to the direction that I had heard the voice come from and saw an elderly woman staring at me curiously.

“Yay! Great! One more scare to add to my upcoming heart attack due to people scaring the fuck out of me by sneaking up on me or coming out of nowhere!”, I thought to myself exasperated, but sarcastically…somewhat at least anyways. XD

“Uh…I was just wondering if it mattered where I sat , if I could use the internet, and just work on my school work in here ma’am.”, I asked her nervously, fumbling over my words.
She looked at me strangely at first, but then smiled.
“Of course you can work in here. Sit anywhere you would like and yes you can use the internet.”, she told me kindly.
“Thank you ma’am.” I said to her feeling relieved.
“You’re welcome boy. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”, she said to me sweetly, smiling warmly at me.
I was not sure whether to be grateful or creeped out. I walked towards the back of the library and found a few tables with outlets nearby so I could plug in the laptop. I sat down at a table that was placed in a corner and sat in a chair with my back facing towards the wall so that no one could sneak up behind me and scare the shit out of me once again today. I got out Tori’s laptop and turned it on and plugged it in then set everything out in an order so that I could work efficiently and effectively.

“I’m an obsessive compulsive organizer. If things are not in an order that I can follow I get frustrated, flustered, and somewhat just stop functioning all together. I know that this sounds all melodramatic and more than likely really pathetic and lame, but it is just the way that I am. I cannot help it and I know some of you out there completely agree with me right now. It’s impossible to work without organization of some sort right!?”, I thought to myself and glanced at the clock on Tori’s laptop realizing I’d wasted a lot of time just trying to get here and got straight to work on typing up my paper for my Psychology of Human Relations class.
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