You Can Only Imagine

Have you ever loved someone and thought you knew them and you'd been together for years and suddenly you don't know them at all, but just the tiniest bit?

Don't get me wrong. I love him to death, more than anything in the world. I'm just really confused. I love who he was and used to be and suddenly I'm finding out all of these things I didn't know before and one actually makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'm not really sure what to do or say to him, but I fear that if I try to confront it he'll get mad at me. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to be us again so badly it's killing me inside.

I miss him so much and even now we're still trying to bridge this gap between us that has evolved over time and mistrust. Many of you would probably consider this ridiculous and stupid and tell me to just end it, but I can't, I don't want to and I won't.

I want to try with everything I have one more time before I do that, but how do I when I'm so scared of chasing him away and pissing him off?

I want him to hold my heart and to hold his so dearly and gently again, but when ever I try to get close he backs away as if I'm some terrible monster. He won't allow himself to be close to me, no matter what I do or try. Is he just scared of me or does he hate me? :/

I don't know what to do anymore, but I know what I want to do, I just don't know how to approach with them and make it right again. I'm so fucking confused to hell and back again. x.x

I'm exasperated and so frustrated with myself I'm driving myself insane little by little, piece by piece I'm killing myself, tearing myself apart.

I don't know how much longer I can take this, but I'll push until I break because I love him. I know what you're thinking. "Damn he's whipped" or something along those lines or "He's so stupid!" or "Hun you can do better" and all that crap. lol I won't hear it. I want him and only him and I want him to be mine again.

How do I make this happen though? :/

I just feel so lost and broken and confused and hurt and shattered. I feel like a pitiful child with no life ranting like this, but it's really how I truly feel.

I want him to love me again and show it like he always did before to prove my fears wrong, but he never seems to. :/ I just want to embrace that love, that bond we had before, once more and this time I'll hold onto it for dear life and never let it go, even if it kills me.

I love him, my angel, my world, my everything. I love him so fucking much, it hurts, it burns me alive from within. I love you so much and I'll never hurt you or let you go, not ever, unless you ask me to.

<3