There Is No Arizona

“Ok, that’s the last box,” I muttered as I taped up the last box before looking around the house Raylan and I called home.

“Miss Mia?” I called out, “Baby, do you have your shoes on, it’s time to go.”

Walking into the living room wearing a simple sundress and a pair of cowboy boots, her favorite outfit, she looked at me, “Ready,” She answered.

I smiled as I grabbed her pink zip up hoodie and helped her put it on, “We’ll have a good road trip, we’ll stop at all the interesting and fun places, promise.”

Inhaling deeply, she eyed me with a look her Father used to give me, I knew what his look meant but hers is a little bit more complicated to understand, “Are we ever coming back?” She wondered.

I kneeled down to her and took both her hands in mine, “Uncle Scotty is moving in to keep our house safe,” I informed her, “And when you turn twenty one, this will be yours and you can live here then but until then we can only come back to visit.” I smiled a reassuring smile at her, “But right now, I think we need to go find a new home.”

“Where?”

“Phoenix, remember?” I caressed her soft cheek before speaking once again, “When we get there, we’re going to stay with Mima and Pop Pop for a little bit while we look for our new home. And guess what? You can pick it out,” I insisted, “We can look at all the houses for sale over there and you can pick the one we live in. And you’re going to go to the same school as Uncle Jonas,”

Mia cracked a small smile at the sound of my little Brother’s name, “Uncle Jonas will be in my class?”

“No, he’s a few grades higher than you but you’ll get to see him at lunch, pretty cool, huh?”

She nodded, “Yeah,”

“Ok,” I stood up straight and took one last look around at the house, knowing this isn't good bye and that I’ll be here again at some point in time but I’ll never call this house home again, unless something extremely unpredictable happens, “Let’s get going, Mia,”

Nodding her head, she slipped her hand that didn’t have the cast on it into mine, squeezing tightly while we left the house. Outside, I saw my brother in law still packing up boxes into the moving truck for me, “We’re going, Scotty.” I called out.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me, “Are you sure you don’t want to take a plane?” He asked, worried for me and Mia, “That’s a long ass drive, Dani.”

“We’ll be fine, we’re going to spend the night in Dallas, plus I can’t take a plane because I need my rig,” I said, pointing to the Black Ford Expedition.

“At least take someone with you,” He begged.

“Like who?” I wondered.

He thought for a long moment before he held up a finger as if he wanted me to wait for something, “Me, give me ten minutes to make a few calls, I’m going with the two of you whether you like it or not, I don’t want you girls out there alone.”

I smiled softly before looking down at Mia, “Looks like Uncle Scotty is going to escort us to Phoenix.”

She smiled softly but said nothing.

It’s been almost three weeks since Raylan’s death, for the first week I was a nervous wreck, I couldn’t even leave my bed unless it was to use the bathroom. It was so bad that we couldn’t even schedule the funeral until a week after he died. After his funeral, things got better, I had not only the Paxton family around me but my entire family flew in from all over the world. My Parents, Jonas and Janelle came from Phoenix, Kayla came in from Miami, Lacy from her new place in London and Chloe from New York City.

It was then I made the decision to go back to Phoenix not because I really miss it but Raylan was always talking about how it was just a matter of time before I ended up back in Arizona. He was convinced that I was going to make him and Mia pack up and move with me, I didn’t believe him but since his death, this seems right.

The friends I made here aren’t too happy about my decision but they understand and the Paxton’s are very understanding as well. I would never take Mia out of their lives, I told them whenever they want to see her, they can fly out and I told Mia whenever she wanted to see them we’d fly out for a weekend.

So this isn't good bye to Chattanooga, this place will always be my second home but right now, I can’t stay here.

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Pushing the shopping cart through the Target, I let out a tired sigh but I needed tour basics and I really didn’t feel like fighting the crowds at Wal-Mart so I opted for Target but I’m now regretting my decision, I should’ve just waited till midnight and went to Wal-Mart because the crowd here is just as bad.

Making my way back to the Men’s department, I casually glanced at everything as I passed it but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a very familiar face. Reaching up, I rubbed my eyes then focused them again on the girl in question. Standing on the side of the main isle, that I was in as well, she and a little girl were looking at pink children’s bedding. The little girl had a pink cast on her left arm but a smile on her face, Danielle had a matching smile but the spark that’s normally in her eyes was gone, she looked happy but I know on the inside she’s falling apart at the seams.

Pushing my cart towards her, I stopped a few feet away then inhaled nervously, “Well, Looks like Arizona exists again,” I said simply, “If Miss Danielle is back.”

Stopping all of her movements, she hesitated for a moment before turning around and looking at me, “John,” She muttered, surprised to see me, “You’re here?” She asked.

“I live here,” I pointed out, “Well, not in Target, obviously, but when I’m not touring I still live with my parents, it’s easier than having to pay rent for an apartment I’ll only see for maybe three weeks out of the year.” I studied her, “I’m sorry to hear about Raylan,” I mumbled, having heard from Janelle what happened, “That’s truly horrible and I’m really sorry.”

She nodded slowly as her blue eyes locked on the ring hugging my index that she gave me two years ago before she went to Paris. I shyly touched the ring while blushing but said nothing about it Bringing her blue eyes up to my green stare, she smile softly then pointed over to the little girl, “You remember Mia, don’t you John?” she asked.

I nodded a little, “She was quite a bit smaller the last time I saw her but yeah, I remember.” I smiled at the little girl, “You don’t remember me, do you?” I asked her.

Mia studied me then shook her head no, “No,” She answered.

“Well, I’m John but you can call me Johno, everyone does,” I smiled as I held my hand out to her, “Nice to meet you … again.”

She took my hand and shook it lightly before letting it go and pointing to the bedding, “I’m getting princess blankets.”

I looked at the bedding, “Wow,” I nodded my head, “Princess blankets for your princess bed?” I asked.

“Yeah and my room is going to be princess pink too!” She giggled.

I laughed with her, “That’s a lot of princess stuff.”

“Well, I want to be a princess when I grow up.” She informed me.

“Guess what,” I whispered, “Your Mama wanted to be a princess too.” I smirked.

She giggled more but said nothing. I smiled then looked at Danielle, “I’m in town for a few more days, call me sometime, we can go to lunch and talk.” I insisted.

Shaking her head, I could tell that she was about to decline my offer but I reached up and cupped her face with one hand, running my thumb under her eye as if I were wiping away a tear, “We have a lot to talk about, Danielle.” I assured her, “It’s just lunch and I’m a decent listener.”

Leaning into my touch a little bit, Danielle nodded slowly before backing away, “Ok,” She agreed, “How about tomorrow?” She wondered.

“Tomorrow,” I confirmed, “Where at?”

“How about … that small deli we used to go to. That’s still there, right?”

“It is,” I assured, “I’ll see you at eleven thirty?”

“Yeah,” She agreed.

I smiled softly then looked at Mia, “Good luck with picking out your princess blankets for your princess bed.”

Mia smiled widely at me, “Bye,”

“Bye,” I mocked then pushed my cart away, getting back to my shopping.

Though I’m happy to finally see Danielle again, I really wish it wasn’t under such circumstances.