There Is No Arizona

Cautiously and silently, I walked up the driveway of the O’Callaghan residence. The garage door was open and the person whom I came over to see was digging through the trunk of his car. Stopping a few feet away from him, I shoved my hands into my back pockets nervously while I studied his lanky figure. Finally standing up straight, he shut the trunk then started towards the inside garage door that led into their kitchen.

“John,” I said loudly enough so he could hear me yet it was in soft tone.

Stopping his actions, he glanced over his shoulder at me then turned back around, “What do you want, Danielle?” He wondered, using my full name instead of just ‘Dani’ it’s one of the things I like about him, he’s always used my full name. I had always hated it when people used the entire name until I heard John say it, now he’s the only one I allow to call me Danielle.

“To talk.” I answered shyly.

“I’m kind of busy, I’m running late for band practice and I still have a few other errands I need to run before I go.” He said bluntly.

I just stayed silent as looked into his green eyes, though he sounded annoyed and pissed off all I could see in his eyes was emotional pain.

“Listen, I really do have to get going.” He assured me as he glanced at his car then back at me, “I’ll call you after the practice is over, maybe we can go grab something to eat and you can talk then, deal?”

“Yeah,” I whispered then I forced a small smile, “Call me.”

He nodded then turned his back to me once more, going back to whatever it was that he was doing before I had interrupted him. Walking back down the driveway, I started the five minute walk back towards my parents’ house that’s in the same neighborhood, just on the other end of it.

Once back at my house, I climbed the stairs and locked myself in my room. Sitting in the middle of my boxed up room, I thought about what John said yesterday evening, to be honest, it’s all I’ve been thinking about since. Maybe in some weird way I am running away but it’s hard, even after a year, everywhere I look I’m reminded of the things AJ and I did together and what he had going for him in his life.

No, AJ and I may have not made it through our freshman year of college but I know for a fact that we would always remain friends and still care for one another. He loved me for me, a girl who grew up the ‘ugly duckling’ in a family full obnoxiously beautiful people. Never was I jealous or even mad at my family because they never have treated me like the black sheep but every once in a while it can get to you and when I was with AJ, I forgot about what people said about my family.

Softly, there was a knock on my bedroom door before it pushed open, the person not waiting for me to give them permission. Putting my attention on my visitor, I was surprised when I saw that it was John, “Can I come in?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I answered.

John took a step in then shut the door behind himself, “Wow, you’re really leaving.” He muttered as he glanced at all of my boxes.

“Yeah,” I confirmed, “I’m really leaving.”

He cleared his throat then focused his green eyes upon me, “What was it that you wanted to talk about?”

“Don’t you have practice?”

“They can wait,” He assured me then raised his eyebrows, “So?”

“So,” I mocked, “I just wanted to apologize for getting so mad.” I whispered, “It’s just I wasn’t expecting…”

“Someone to call you out?” He frowned, “Danielle, I don’t know what there is to talk about. You’re leaving and there’s nothing no one can do to change your mind, obviously … and I certainly wouldn’t be able to stop you because apparently you think that I don’t give a shit.”

“I need to go John,” I said sternly, “Call it running away, call it whatever you want but even if it is running away, deep down I know this is what I need to do.” I paused, “I just want you to be happy for me, I’ve lost one best friend and I spent the past year being mad at my other one … I just—“

“I’ll be here when you get back,” John said simply, “Maybe not Arizona, seeing as how I’m leaving for a small tour in a few days, but I’ll be waiting …” He trailed off a little bit, “And don’t worry about losing a friend,” He whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.” With that, he reached for my door.

I quickly stood up and stopped him from opening the door. Staring up into his eyes, it was like everything suddenly dawned on me and I knew why he got so upset with me; he has feelings for me. I frowned softly as I thought back to the very first day I saw those two little boys I would eventually call my best friends. They both had a look of desire in their eyes but John, John caught my attention with his shy smile even though AJ kept my attention with his sweet talking charm. As I started to remember those feelings, I stared up at John as everything started to come together; I’m his Mrs. Right, or so he thinks.

“John,” I whispered softly.

Slowly, his cheeks turned red when he realized that I had figured it out finally, after all of these years.

“AJ knew, didn’t he?”

“How could he not?” John muttered, “Danielle, everyone knew except for you, until now.” He cleared his throat, “I really should get going.”

“Wait,” I ordered as I grabbed his hand, stopping it from turning the door knob. I then reached up and pushed his shaggy hair to the side. Then without any warning, I stood on my tip toes and lightly touched my lips to his, giving him a soft closed mouth kiss, “I’m so sorry,” I whispered against his lips.

He said nothing to me as he nodded slightly while his breath caressed my lips just before he pressed his lips to mine once more. Though it was still a closed mouth kiss, it felt so right to be kissing him, like he’s the one I should’ve been kissing all of these years. Again I was the first to pull away but I stayed close enough so that our lips were still touching. Caressing my face, John spoke softly, “Danielle,” He started, “We don’t need this, not now.”

I frowned, “This is what you wanted.” I pointed out.

He nodded agreeing with me, “But is it what you wanted?” He wondered before stealing another kiss and pulling away from me completely, “I need commitment, Danielle. I need to know that a relationship will last, you know how I am.” He pointed out, “I may be a cocky asshole sometimes but at the end of the day, I’m a romantic.” He reached for the door knob, “I’ll be here when you get back.” With that, he finally left my room.

I took a small step back as I reached up and gently touched my lips.

This changes everything.