There Is No Arizona

Laughing a booming laugh that carried throughout the busy TGIFriday’s restaurant, Tim couldn’t keep his composure as his face turned red and tears caused from his laughing filled his eyes. Frowning deeply to myself, I watched the boy that I’ve considered to be the Brother I never had laugh at my situation.

“It’s not that funny, Tim.” I growled.

He cleared his throat then shook his head as he wiped away his tears from his eyes, “No, it’s not,” He agreed with a smile playing his face, “But Dani, you said it like it was the end of the world.” He pointed out then he stared over at me with his bright brown eyes, “Ok, so let me get this straight, you kissed Johno and suddenly you’re second guessing your entire existence?”

I shrugged, “Not that extreme,” I grumbled.

Nodding his head, he sighed before taking a sip of his iced tea, “Do you want my opinion or did you just want to vent to me?”

“Maybe a little bit of both,” I whispered as I stirred my lemonade around in the glass, “Am I making the right choice in moving?”

Tim shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not going to tell you to move or to stay,” He informed me with a serious face, “But as for John, he’ll be here when you get back, I promise you that. The last thing he’s looking for right now is a relationship, unless it’s with you no girl will be stealing his heart, he’s focused on the band, so much that he dropped out of school for it.”

I studied him intently but stayed silent as I let everything sink in.

“He’s waited this long for you, what makes you think that he’ll just stop waiting?” Tim wondered, “If John is keeping you here, then that’s the wrong reason not to move. You have to stay here for your own reasons.”

Nodding slowly, then turned my eyes to the window, surveying the parking lot, “Do you think it’s love?” I wondered.

“Yes,” Tim muttered, “I do think its love, Johno is like a chick when it comes to his emotions, he’s complex and extremely deep. You’re his Mrs. Right and always have been even when AJ was alive, and AJ knew it but you know how he was, he was never one to just let someone win or get something. If Johno wanted you, he had to risk his friendship with AJ and …” Tim just trailed off because we both know that John would’ve never done that, AJ meant the world to him, “He was just hoping that sooner or later you would figure things out and you would decide for yourself.”

“For how long?”

“Since the first day he laid eyes on you and lost a game of rock, paper, scissors to AJ.” Tim smiled then rolled his eyes, “If it makes things better for you, you’re not my type but I do love you.”

“Thanks,” I laughed then shook my head, “I still don’t feel much better, you’re kind of lousy at this cheering me up business.”

“Should’ve called Eric for that,” Tim pointed out then loudly, his cell phone started to ring from within his pocket. Without any hesitation, he pulled it out and answered it without glancing at the ID. “Hey,” He greeted the person as he stared over at me, “I’m at lunch right now with a friend …” He frowned a little, “Dani,” He said simply, “It’s a table for two, you’re not invited, I’ll just swing by after I’m done.” He listened then rolled his eyes, “Pat, you call him stop being such a little bitch, fuck.” He growled and it was then I knew it was his younger Brother on the phone, “I don’t give a fuck, Pat … whatever.” He shook his head then hung up.

“Did you just hang up on him?”

“Yeah,” He muttered as he turned the ringer off on his phone and set it aside, “He’s such a fucking pussy sometimes, it’s almost hard for me to believe we’re related, let alone Brothers.”

“What did he want?” I wondered.

“He wanted me to call Johno and tell him to go to band practice, and he wants me to stop by.”

I nodded slowly, “John’s not at practice?”

Tim shook his head, “Probably won’t be,” He insisted, “He’s just as confused as you are about this, Dani.”

I fell silent and decided to drop this entire conversation with Tim because I know he won’t pick sides, I know he won’t tell me what to do and he’s right, I need to figure this out myself. The rest of the lunch went by fairly quickly as we ate and talking bull shit about everything, it was obvious Tim was trying to pick my spirits up and I played along but at the end of the lunch and we went our separate ways, I was still feeling just as down as I had been before we met up.

After lunch, I went straight home, not having anywhere to stop and not really wanting to talk to any of my friends at the moment. At my house, I walked through the garage door and into the kitchen only to see my little sister standing there. With bright blue eyes, long brown hair and legs for days, she stands at 5’10 and is the reason why the term ‘jailbait’ was invented, “Hey,” She smiled over at me, “How was lunch?” She asked as she opened up the fridge.

“Ok, I guess,” I grumbled as I handed her my white Styrofoam box that had nearly a whole burger in it, “You can have this if you want it, I couldn’t eat it.”

Closing the fridge, Janelle took the box from me and opened it before grinning, “Are you sure you won’t want it later?”

“Yeah, go ahead and eat it.” I insisted as I sat down on a stool at the counter before rubbing my face, “Are you the only one home?”

“No, Mom is in the office talking to my agent,” Janelle muttered with her mouth full of burger, “Apparently my agent wants me to move to Paris for two months for a bunch of stuff but Mom doesn’t want me over there by myself and her and Daddy can’t leave Arizona because of work and Jonas’s little league stuff.” She informed me.

“Where is Jonas?” I spoke of our seven year old brother.

“Down the street with his friend, Dylan.”

“Do you want to go to Paris?” I asked the brunette beauty.

“I don’t know,” She put the burger down and grabbed a water from the fridge, “There’s this camping trip that a bunch of my friends are going on that I really want to go on but my agent says that this Paris thing would be a good career move,” She shrugged her shoulders, “I’m sixteen, I don’t really want to be working all summer, plus, why talk Mom and Dad into it then ruin Jonas’s summer too?”

“Why not just tell your agent that?” I whispered.

“Because, I’m a Wellington sister and we’re ‘famous’ in the modeling community,” She said with a frown and stern voice, “Never has a Wellington turned down a good modeling offer.” She rolled her eyes.

I nodded a little bit thinking about my two older sisters and my other younger sister who is only a year younger than me. There are six Wellington kids altogether; Chloe who is twenty four, Lacy who is twenty two, myself and I’ll be turning nineteen soon, Kayla who is seventeen almost eighteen, Janelle and Jonas. My four sisters take after our Mother who used to be a model but retired when she found out she was pregnant with me because she wanted to focus on being a good Mother. I guess I never did get into modeling and it’s not because I’m ugly but compared to my sisters I’m a diamond in the rough, it doesn’t bother me though, for as busy as we are and for as big of a family that we are, we’re all very close and get along quite well.

“Mom might not agree to Paris though,” Janelle said with a hopeful voice then she eyed me curiously, “What did Tim have to say?”

“What makes you think I went to lunch with Tim?” I questioned.

She smiled, “Pat called me,” She said simply, “He was looking for Johno and said that you were at lunch with Tim.”

“Why didn’t he just call John himself?” I rolled my eyes.

“It was just an excuse to talk to me,” Janelle joked playfully before batting her eyes, “He loves me.”

“Yeah, well, that’s something to be proud of,” I teased then I slid off of the stool slowly, “I’m going upstairs to take a nap,” I muttered then walked away before Janelle could say anything else to me.

On the way up to my room, my Mother stopped me as she came down from upstairs, “Hey you,” She greeted then pushed some of my hair back behind my ear, “Did you figure out what you’re going to do yet?”

I shook my head, “Daddy tell you?” I asked.

“Of course he did,” She laughed, “He doesn’t keep this kind thing from me,” She informed me then inhaled deeply, “Listen, if you don’t want to go to Australia but don’t want to stay here, how about going to Paris with Janelle for two months, just for the summer. I can’t go, I have Kayla I need to deal with and Jonas’s little league games, plus Chloe is bringing home a new boyfriend whom she thinks is ‘the one’.”

“I don’t think Janelle wants to go,” I muttered.

“I know but I’m going to go talk to her now and make her a deal,”

“You’re bribing your Daughter to work?” I smirked.

“Just for this trip, it truly is a great opportunity and I can’t let her pass this up, even if this is the last thing she ever does in the modeling world, it’s just too good.”

“If she wants to go, I’ll chaperone,” I agreed, “But right now, I’m going to go lie down and wallow in my sorrow.”

My Mom laughed, “Honey, it’s not the end of the world, you either love him or you don’t, it’s that simple. It’s very black and white, there’s no gray area with love.” She nodded a little bit, “You don’t have to move away from Arizona to find yourself, and if Janelle agrees to Paris, it’ll be a nice getaway for you.”

“I already told Lacy I’d move in with her though,” I pointed out.

“She’s on cloud nine right now and she was just trying to get you out of your rut, I’m sure she’ll understand if you don’t go, plus, your little sisters need you.” She whispered.

“Why?” I laughed, “They have thriving careers and I haven't even decided what to major in.”

“Because, they need someone to keep them grounded, Chloe and Lacy, they were easy, they never really lost their way but Kayla and Janelle, they want it all and when they don’t listen to me or Daddy they listen to you, they look up to you.” She nudged me, “And Jonas, he would be heartbroken if he didn’t get to see his favorite sister every day.”

I laughed as I thought about my little Brother and how he’s always saying he like me more because I’m the only one who will play baseball with him and it’s not that my other sisters don’t want to but they have an image to keep up, “Yeah,” I agreed.

My Mother stared at me with bright blue eyes, “Go take your nap,” She insisted, “I’ll wake you up when it’s dinner time.”

“Ok,” I muttered then I climbed the remaining stairs and went into my room. Shutting the door quietly, I looked around at all of my boxes then crawled onto my bed wishing I could see this like my Mother does but for some reason, it doesn’t feel like an easy decision to me.

Maybe I’m just over thinking this entire situation. I think Paris or Australia is a good choice for me right about now, I just need to get away to find my head but maybe moving is the wrong answer, I just need a vacation; that’s all.

Just a vacation.