There Is No Arizona

Slowly pulling up the Wellington’s residence, I frowned deeply when I saw an unfamiliar gray four door Ford truck, pulling a U-haul trailer. Putting my car into park then cutting the engine, I stared up at the gorgeous house just in time to see Jonas running out of the house with a cute little girl wearing a white sundress and cowboy boots running after him, both of them laughing happily. Raising my eyebrow, I had no idea who the little toddler was, she looks nothing like the Wellingtons at all, and I’m including Danielle’s Mother’s side of the family as well.

Getting out of my car, I shut my door as quietly as I could but it still seemed like the loudest thing on the face of the planet, “Johno!” Jonas wailed happily as he stopped playing with the little girl to run over to greet me, “Did you bring me anything from tour!?” He wailed happily.

I smiled down at the little boy then nodded my head, “I did,” I confirmed honestly, having promise the boy I’d bring him back something, “But I forgot to bring it with me,” I admitted, “I’m going to see Janelle later today and I’ll give it to her so she can bring it over, ok?”

He nodded, “Ok,” He agreed then he looked over his shoulder, “Dani!?” He screamed, “Dani, Johno is here!”

Soon after he said that I was here, Danielle came out of the open front door looking just as beautiful as ever but something was wrong, I could see it written all over her face. Behind her, a tall man came up and asked her something, as he talked to her his hand rested on the small of her back while he talked with free hand, his left hand. There on his ring finger was a wedding band that he wore proudly.

Shaking my head a little bit, I knew that she met a ‘good ‘ole boy’ from Tennessee over in Paris who was a photographer for Janelle but I honestly thought it was going to be a fling, like I had. She would’ve never even considered seeing someone else if Janelle hadn’t told her about my ‘fling’ and if I would’ve just picked up my phone every once in a while.

Finally, the tall guy glanced out over at me then left Danielle’s side as soon as he left, she cut across the manicured lawn and shoved her hands in her back pockets as she came to a stop about three feet in front, “John,” She muttered, “You’re back.”

“I got back last week,” I informed her, “When did you get back?” I wondered.

“Two days ago, just packin’ up though,” She licked her lips, “Listen…”

“You’re married, aren’t you?”

She looked down at her bare feet then nodded her head, “Raylan and I fell in love in Paris,” She turned her eyes back up to mine, “And life is too short to sit around and wait for things to happen, you have to make them happen so we got married,” She admitted and just after she informed me of her marriage, the little girl with the cowboy boots came running up behind Danielle like a child would hide behind their Mother. Peeking out at me from behind Danielle’s legs, the little girl smiled at me shyly, showing off adorable dimples.

Danielle looked behind her then reached down and swept the little girl off of her feet and held her in her arms, making sure that the little girl’s dress wasn’t riding up. Inhaling deeply, Danielle looked back at me and smiled, “She’s Raylan’s,” She informed me, “And mine, the adoption cleared last week,” She nodded a little bit before adjusting the child on her hip, “John, this is my Daughter, Mia.”

Holding back tears, I was completely confused, I thought we were going to be together. Before we both left, everything seemed to be pointing in that direction. Maybe I should’ve picked up the phone when she called, instead of ignoring it because I didn’t want to hear her sweet voice, it was going to be too bittersweet and I didn’t want to deal with it. Then I should’ve never gotten drunk and got myself a ‘girlfriend’ honestly, I was just wanting to kiss a pretty girl, it was innocent and meant nothing to me. Had I known that Danielle was going to go out and get married over the summer and adopt her new Husband’s kid, I would’ve never let her leave Arizona without confirming our relationship status, I would’ve made it extremely cleat that I wanted to be the one with her, the only one with her.

Putting Mia back down on her feet, Danielle smiled down at her, “Go see if Daddy needs any help,” She ordered to the little girl.

“Ok,” Mia laughed before running off and into the house quickly, “Daddy! Do you needs help!?” She wailed and her voice had a heavy southern twang to it.

“John, I know you don’t understand,” Danielle whispered to me, “But I didn’t go over there looking for love, it just found me. I never meant to make it feel like I was leading you on but maybe you should go find a good girl for yourself, I’m sure there are plenty out there, you don’t need me John.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Danielle, I do need you.” I shrugged my shoulders, knowing this happened for a reason, I’m not sure of the reason just yet but there has to be a reason, doesn’t there?

“Raylan is so good to me, he’s exactly what I needed and Mia is just adorable and I’m proud to call her my Daughter, she needed a decent Mother in her life.” She cleared her throat, “Plus, you don’t need me tying you down, you have the band that’s definitely going places,” Danielle smiled, “I’ll always be your number one fan, John, always.” She nodded her head.

“I won’t lie, I don’t like this at all.”

“I know but it’s what’s happening, I’m married now, John and I’m sorry I broke your heart.” She looked over her shoulder then back at me, “As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing Arizona can offer me anymore, I’m over it, I need out , I feel so miserable here so instead of making Raylan and Mia pack up and leave his family, I’m just moving to Tennessee.”

“Where?” I asked her.

“Chattanooga,” She informed me, “I’ll always care for and love you, John.” She assured me.

I said nothing to her in return, I simply nodded my head then I closed the gap between us and lowered my lips down onto her forehead, giving her a soft kiss, “Be safe and have a good life, Danielle.” I muttered.

“Don’t hate me, John,” She begged as I started to walk away.

“I could never hate you, Danielle, I may hate what you’re doing but I could never hate you.” I forced a smile at her then I climbed into my car and started it up.

As I drove off, I wanted nothing more than to go into that house and beat the living hell out of this Raylan character but maybe this is just a phase, it’s not like marriage is permanent anymore nowadays, she can be divorced just as quickly as she was married. I guess the only question now is, do I wait for her again or do I finally move on?

---------------

“He hates me, Mom.” I sighed stressfully as I wiped down the kitchen counters, “You should’ve seen the look in his eyes,”

“I’m not going to get in your business, Dani, because I love Raylan and I absolutely adore Mia but maybe you made a mistake?” She suggested, “You were looking for a distraction and Raylan distracted you thoroughly but maybe you’re blinded by lust so you married him.”

I shot my Mother a look then I shook my head, “No,” I challenged, “I love my Husband,” I said honestly, “He wasn’t a mistake, my marriage isn't a mistake…” I turned to my Mother once more, “All of this could be taken from me at any moment and I want to know that I did what felt right to me, Raylan is what was right for me.”

She nodded her head, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you will end up with John, I know you will and you can’t stand there and tell me that in the deepest part of your heart, you don’t agree with me.” She gave me a soft smile.

I shook my head a little bit, “Mom, I love Raylan … I love John too, obviously but he can’t give me what I need. I need a man, Mom, I need Raylan, plus John doesn’t need a nagging girlfriend while he’s going to be touring three hundred days out of the year.”

“I’ll support you no matter what,” She said simply, putting an end to the conversation, “I love Raylan and Mia, I’m glad that their family,” She walked over and hugged me tightly, “And I’m glad that you’re happy, I haven't seen you this happy in years.”

I smiled softly at her then nodded but said nothing.

“Dani,” Raylan’s gravely, southern voice said softly, “Honey, Mia’s upstairs and ready for bed but she wants her Mama to tuck her in.”

I turned around to my Husband then laughed, “Why?”

“Because apparently I don’t do it right anymore,” He teased.

I gave my Mother one last soft look before I walked away and started upstairs and into the spare room where Mia is currently sleeping. Entering the room, I saw that the little girl wasn’t in bed but instead she was sitting on the floor playing with some of Jonas’s legos, “Alright, Mia,” I said as I pointed to the bed, “Time to get some sleep, babe, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow,” I informed her, “We’re going home tomorrow.”

Lifting her head, she studied me then let out a sigh before listening and climbing back into bed. I pulled the blankets up around her and tucked her in before kissing her softly and whispering that I love her and sweet dreams. Once she was satisfied, she closed her eyes and quickly started to fall asleep. Turning on my heel to leave the room, I saw Raylan standing there, “she loves you,” He said to me.

“I love her,”

“You’re such a natural at this whole Motherhood thing,” He smirked while wrapping his arms around me, “I can’t wait to see you with our first child,”

I blushed deeply and kissed his lips, “Slow down, Cowboy, there’s no rush in getting my knocked up.”

“Don’t call me Cowboy,” He laughed, “And as far as I’m concerned, you just tell me when and I’m one hundred percent ready to make a baby.”

“I know,” I smiled, “Let’s get settled in first, unpacked and adjusted.”

“Sounds like a plan,” He looked over at Mia then back down at me, “Thank You for being the Mother she needs and wants.”

“Don’t thank me, there’s no need for a Thank You.”

Raylan just shrugged his shoulders before he slipped his hand in mine and tugged me away and into my room. Closing the door behind us, I smiled as Raylan continued to lead me to my bed, “It’s a long drive to Chattanooga,” He informed me as he pulled the covers back.

“I know,”

“We should get some sleep,”

I laughed, “Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?” I wondered as I watched him crawl into bed, “I always thought it was still called sex.”

He blushed deeply, “I was trying to be discreet,”

“We’re married, we don’t have to be discreet,” I pointed out as I tugged my shirt off and pushed my pants down then got into bed with Raylan.

Without a word or much warning, Raylan took my bra off then tossed it to the floor before he wrapped his arms around me silently, not making any moves to try and have sex with me he just held me close. With my head resting on his shoulder, I frowned softly, “What are you thinkin’ about, Cowboy?”

“John,” He answered, “I’m not sorry that I fell in love with you and married you but I can’t help but feel like shit, to some extent I stole you from him. I can’t even imagine how he feels right now.”

“He hates me,” I pointed out.

“No, I saw the way he was looking at you, he could never hate you. A man that looks at a woman like that could never hurt her or hate her, there was nothing but unconditional love in his eyes.” He shifted a little bit, “If anything ever happens to me, anything bad and I pass away, I want you to know that I approve of John being in Mia’s life, being her step-father if worst comes to worst , but don’t take my family out of her life, they’re huge in her life and …”

“Stop,” I ordered as I lifted my head to look at him, “Stop it, don’t talk like that.”

“I have to, I have to be logical Dani, and I want you to know that I trust John, that I approve of him being in my Daughter’s life if I happen to die before she’s grown and can take care of herself,” He reached up and tucked away some stray hairs behind my ear, “I also think that John would be good for you, too.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Raylan.”

“Ok,” He agreed, “But I just wanted to let you know, that’s all.”

I laid my head back down on his shoulder, saying nothing more on the subject. I’ve already buried one guy who meant the world to me, I don’t want to bury another one anytime soon.