What Can I Say?

"I think you can do much better than me After all the lies that I made you believe Guilt kicks in then I start to see The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be I told myself I won't miss you But I remember What it feels like beside you I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes And I think you should know this You deserve much better than me." - Hinder

Nick woke up two days later with a massive headache. He hadn't seen Melody since they kissed and it was starting to affect him. He'd succumbed to the urge to drink and got completely trashed the night before.

"Ugh." He groaned shielding the bright sun from his eyes. "Who the fuck opened a window?"

He sat up slowly trying to keep from barfing. The sound of loud laughter startled Nick which caused his head to pound obnoxiously. He practically fell off his bed in an attempt to stand from the bed.

"Shit." He yelled as he tangled himself more in the sheets.

After a few seconds of struggling Nick was free of the sheets. He opened his door and the sweet aroma of lasagna hit his senses. He walked into the kitchen and was greeted by the loud laughter of his mom.

"Nick." Denise said surprised to see her son.

"Hi." He said with a small smile.

"I hoped you'd wake up when I was here." Denise said cheerfully. "I made you guys a lasagna."

"Thank you." Nick replied with a smile.

He glanced around the table glad to see his dad wasn't around. Joe and Karen sat opposite of Denise huge smiles on their faces. It was their first day back from Karen's family thing.

"Nick will you please sit down?" Karen asked a little too loud for Nick's liking.

He winced visibly at the sound of Karen's voice. "I'd rather stand."

"That's fine." Karen said unfazed. With a final glance at Joe she said, "Joe proposed!"

She held her hand out to me where a huge diamond ring sat on her ring finger. She looked expectantly at Nick waiting for his exclamation of congratulations.

"Congrats." Nick said with little enthusiasm.

Karen was too excited to really care about Nick's lack of interest. "Thank you."

"So Nick, Joseph has been telling me you've been spending a lot of time with the song writer." Denise said with a smile.

She didn't mean to take the attention off of Joe and Karen but she had to get Nick to open up. Karen frowned when she noticed no one was paying attention to her anymore.

"Denise, Joe and I were-" Karen stopped mid-sentence when she received a stern a look from Denise.

"Nick?" Denise prompted returning her gaze on her son.

Nick took his time in answering as he drank some of his coffee. "Yeah I have." He finally admitted.

"I'd like to meet this girl."

"We'll see." Nick said quietly.

"Now what were you saying Karen?" Denise asked her future daughter-in-law.

Nick took that as his chance to leave the room. He went back to his room, coffee in hand, and sat down on his bed. He groaned as the constant pounding in his head continued. He set his coffee on the table next to his bed and lay back against his pillows. He tried to drift off into another restless sleep but he couldn't. Melody was all he could think about and normally that wouldn’t be a bad thing but it was driving him to drink. He knew how bad he wanted to be with her but he also knew how bad it would be for her to be with him. He was unstable, Nick wasn’t vain enough to ignore that fact, and Melody didn’t deserve an unstable guy in her life.

Nick opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. He had to end things with her before they even started. As much as it pained him to have disengage himself from her life, again, he had to. He picked up his phone and typed out a simple message to Melody.

I’m sorry but I think it would be best if we ended our friendship. From now on I only want to see you when we’re working on the CD.

The text held no emotion and as Nick hit the send button he knew there was no going back. For the second time he lost Melody and this time he knew he would never get her back.

**

Melody re-read the text she had just received trying to process what it said. She had never expected Nick to do this, not when everything was going great. She deleted the message and slipped on her shoes and headed for the door. She wasn’t going to have this conversation over text.

On the drive to Nick’s house she could only think about the possible reasons why Nick would do this, and the only one that made sense was he just didn’t feel the same way she did for him.

Melody walked up to the door, her heart was pounding painfully against her chest, and rang the door bell. She took deep breaths as she waited for the door open.

“Um, hi.” Melody said shyly to the women at the door.

Melody had never seen the women before but she looked a lot like Nick.

“I’m here to see Nick.” Melody continued cautiously.

“Oh alright come in.” The women said as she opened the door wider. “I’m Denise, nick’s mom.”

Melody shook the women’s hand. “I’m Melody.”

“The song writer?” Denise asked surprised.

“Uh yes.” Melody said blushing. “Is Nick here?”

Denise pointed to Nick’s room. “He should be in there. But before you go can I talk to you?”

“Of course.” Melody said.

Denise sat looked around to make sure no one was listening. “I want to say thank you.”

Melody looked at the older women confused. “Why?”

“Because you’re saving my son.” Denise said with a sad smile. “I’ve missed him so much the past couple of years and in the weeks that he’s known you it’s like I have him back. He’s not there yet but he’s getting closer and it’s all because of you.”

Melody didn’t have it in her to tell Denise she’s the reason Nick turned out the way he did. “You’re welcome, but I think it was all him. I just gave him a way out and he did the rest on his own.”

“In any case thank you.” Denise smiled one last time then left the room to find Karen and Joe.

Melody took a deep breath then turned to do what she had originally come here to do. She walked to Nick’s door and entered without knocking. He sat on his floor paper strewn around him carelessly. He had a bottle in one hand and a pen in another as he scribbled furiously.

“Nick.” Melody said getting his attention.

Nick looked up sharply and his jaw dropped in awe. “What are you doing here?” He asked a slight slur to his words.

“I thought we should talk about that text you sent me.” Melody said quietly.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Nick said he took a drink of the alcohol in his hand. “I made it pretty clear in that text what I wanted.”

Melody sat down on the floor across from Nick, she picked a few of the papers and looked at them. He was writing a song and from the few lines she looked at it wasn’t a happy one.

“I know but I just thought maybe you could tell me why.” Melody said looking at Nick.

“Seriously?” Nick asked looking into her bright green eyes. “You want to be around this?” He asked pointing to himself.

“Nick-“

“No let me talk.” Nick said cutting her off. “I’m a drunk. I can admit that and I don’t want you to be around me when I’m like this! I can’t control myself when I’m like this! You saw that! You know what happens!”

“You’re right I do know what happens and I want to help you.” Melody said quietly. “I don’t want you to always be like this.”

“Yeah well there’s nothing you can do.” Nick said dropping her gaze.

Melody reached out to take the bottle from Nick’s hand and place it next to her. She then stood up and held out her hand for him to take. He grabbed her hand and stood up with the help of Melody.

“I think you should take a nap and when you wake up we’ll talk some more.” Melody said.

“Alright.” Nick said giving up on his resolve to be mean to Melody. He climbed into his bed and turned away from Melody.

Melody waited until Nick fell asleep then she left his room. She could hear voices coming from the living room. When she entered the room she saw Joe and Karen watching TV.

“Oh hi Melody.” Joe said surprised to see her. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah your mom let me in.” Melody explained. “Would you mind if I stayed out here with you guys.”

“No go for it.” Karen said sweetly. “Why aren’t you with Nick?”

Melody sat down on one of the recliners. “He’s taking a nap and I told him I’d be here when he woke up.”

Joe looked at Melody and saw the worry lines. “He relapsed didn’t he?”

Melody sighed heavily. “I don’t think he ever really stopped.”

“But he hasn’t been going out anymore.” Joe said confused.

“He’s still been drinking.” Melody replied. “He drinks alone in his room.”

“I thought so.” Karen admitted.

“What?” Joe asked his fiancé.

“Well he has been spending a lot of time in his room and I’ve walked past his room when his door is open and there have been liquor bottles on the floor.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Joe asked his temper rising.

“I didn’t want to worry you about it.”

Melody quickly spoke up. “I don’t think he wants you to know.”

“What do you mean?” Joe asked a slight edge to his voice.

“He wants you to be proud of him.”

“But I am proud of him.” Joe said quietly.

“He feels like he’s all alone and that no one cares about him.” Melody continued.

“How could he feel that way?” Joe asked sadly.

“I don’t know. I just know he does.”

Joe looked down at his lap as tears sprung to his eyes. Karen rubbed his back lovingly; she didn’t like seeing him this way.

“I’m sorry. I never should have said anything.” Melody said guilt forming.

“No I’m glad you did.” Joe said quietly.

Melody averted her eyes to the TV to give Joe some privacy. She never realized how much she really did help Nick and she couldn’t give up on him now.