What Can I Say?

Four white walls, closing in around me. This is a curtain call. Now I am nothing. This is not my fault; the world is out to get me. This is a curtain call. Now I am nothing. I used to be everything you wanted me to be. Now my life isn't right, all this darkness without a light. But I'm alive, I'm alive. I gave up and still survived. But my life, now my life just isn't right. You used to tell me I would feel as good as dead. I took these pills so I could heal this broken head. These four white walls are closing in around me. This is a curtain call. Now I am nothing. The worst in me is all I see. I blame the world for everything. Now my life is upside down, as I stagger through this one star town. I'm looking for so much more. The walls are closing, but where's the door. – Hawthorne Heights

Nick woke with a groan as the knocking on his door continued he could faintly hear his brother’s voice calling through the door. Nick opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling trying to remember the night before. He heard the sound of someone else groaning.

“Someone answer the fucking door!” Drew yelled rolling over on the couch he was sleeping on.

Nick sat up looking around the room seeing Drew on the couch and Mike asleep on the love seat. Nick had fallen asleep on the floor which explained the pain he felt in his back. Getting up slowly to keep the room from spinning any more than it already did Nick stumbled towards the door. Throwing the door open he found his older brother on the other side.

“I’ve been trying to call you!” Joe said pushing past his brother to walk into the house. “What the hell happened here?”

“Drew thought it would be a good idea to throw a party here.” Nick said with a shrug.

“Why haven’t you been answering my calls?” Joe asked.

Nick didn’t answer right away instead he walked to the kitchen to make some coffee. Joe followed and pushed aside beer cans to sit down at the table.

“I lost my phone.” Nick finally answered. He didn’t feel like mentioning he had thrown it in the trash to keep from calling Melody days before. “I have to get a new one soon.”

“Mom is worried about you.” Joe said looking down at the messy table. “She wants to know if you’re checking your blood sugar regularly.”

Nick kept his back to his brother acting like he was really interested in watching the coffee drip into the pot. In all honesty Nick had neglected his diabetes for weeks. It wasn’t on purpose but he had other things on his mind.

“I’m fine Joe.” Nick said quietly.

“Nick, don’t lie to me.”

Nick turned around to look at his brother. He didn’t want to explain to his brother why he’s been a mess. He didn’t want to talk about how his heart is broken and he doesn’t think it will ever be fixed. If Nick could help it he never wanted to speak about what he was feeling or about what happened with Melody. If Nick got his way he would never say her name again. All he wants is to forget her and move on.

“I’m not lying.” Nick said trying to sound like he meant it.

“We used to be so close Nick. What happened?” Joe asked saddened by the thought of them not being close anymore.

“Nothing happened, Joe, we just grew up.” Nick said turning back to the coffee pot which was now full.

“Fine Nick. I’ll see you later.” Joe said standing from his chair.

Nick didn’t turn around until he heard the front door close. Taking his cup of coffee Nick went into the living room to wake his friends. They were not happy about having to get up and go home, but they left anyway. Finally being home alone Nick settled into the couch with cup of coffee to wake him up more. All he could think about was getting away.

**

“You know you should really tell someone.”

Melody let out a frustrated sigh; it was the millionth time Kelsey had told her this. As far as Melody was concerned it was known of Kelsey’s business.

“Drop it Kelsey.” Melody said walking away from her friend.

It wasn’t that Melody didn’t want to tell anyone she was scared. She knew for sure that once she told someone Brad would go crazy.

“Melody, I think you should let Nick-“

“Stop Kelsey. Nick and I don’t belong together, as friends or anything else.” Melody said stopping to look at her friend.

Kelsey dropped the subject after that as they continued to walk around the mall shopping. Melody was happy to have something to keep her mind off of Nick never calling her back. When she had called and he never picked up her heart broke. There was nothing she could do, she had told him she didn’t want him around, but it still hurt. If she could finally move on her life would be a lot better but moving on meant settling for Brad.

**

Nick stopped in front of Melody’s apartment knowing what he had to do. Slowly he got out of his car and walked up to the mail box inside of the building. Finding her apartment number he slid the letter into the slot before he gave it another thought. This was his finale goodbye to Melody.

Turning away he went back to his car to drive to the airport. He was leaving to go to his family’s home in Texas. While his family knew where Nick was going he had asked them to give some time alone. He told them he was going there to get clean, for good, which had every intention of doing.

After a short plane ride he was where he needed to be. Taking a rental car to his house he drove past many of his favorite places. Once he was clean he would go to those places again. Parking the car in drive way Nick sat there for a few minutes staring up at the large house. It was going to be lonely living in his family’s home alone, but he knew if his detox and loneliness got the best of him there was still one person to call for help. He hoped he wouldn’t have to call her but it was comforting to know she was only a phone call away.

Taking his bags to his room he left them on the floor by his closet. His only thought on eating dinner before unpacking. The house was so quiet Nick almost wished he had his family with him. Taking his dinner into the den he turned on the TV finding ESPN to catch up on the sports he had been missing.

His first night went without incident and it stayed that way until his third night. On the third night the chills hit him. No amount of blankets could warm him up. The chills didn’t go away until the next night when the vomiting began. He hadn’t had anything to eat but he still couldn’t stop the vomiting. He knew if he didn’t keep drinking as much water as he could he would get sicker. After a whole day of this he was able to eat something and keep it down. He was weak from the lack of food and constant vomiting. He knew it was time to call the only person who could help him.

**

Melody dropped the letter in her hand not being able to read anymore. He had given up on her. It had finally happened. Picking the letter up again, tears streaming down her face, she continued to read.

Melody,
I know I messed up a lot and I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I want to let you know I’m moving on now. I know it’s time to let you live your life and I need to live mine. Maybe one day we can at least be friends again. I am so sorry for everything that has happened with us. I want you to know when I said I love you I meant it. I never meant any of the awful things I said to you. I just hope you can realize you can do a lot better than Brad. He’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve a great girl like you. And you should know I’m going to get clean and never touch anything again. I love you Melody.
Love, Nick

Melody tried to wrap her head around what was said in the letter. The only thing she could do was go to Nick’s house and try to change his mind. She needed to tell him she was sorry too, and she didn’t want to live without him on her life.

She didn’t even bother changing out of her night clothes instead she quickly drove to Nick’s. Running up to his door she pounded on the door hoping he would be home. After a few minutes of nothing she tried his phone but it went straight to voice mail. With nothing else to do she called Joe.

“Hello?”

“Joe! Do you know where Nick is?” Melody asked her hearts was racing as he waited for his answer.

“He left for our house in Texas a few hours ago.” Joe said sadly. “He’s going there to stop drinking.”

Melody sat down on Nick’s front step. “He’s gone?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

Melody let out a sob as the realization that Nick was gone hit her. He was really gone.

**

“Nick, you look awful.”

Nick glanced at the girl standing in front of him. She hadn’t changed much since he last saw her. Her hair was longer and red but her face was still the same. Nick knew as soon as he saw her smile he would feel alive again, he had really missed her smile.

“Hey Miles.” Nick said smiling slightly. “I’m glad you could come.”

Miley set her purse down on Nick’s desk before looking at her old friend again. His face was pale and there was sweat on his forehead. The most shocking change was his once soulful eyes were now dead.

“What happened, Nicky?” She asked sitting next to him on his bed.

“A lot.” Nick said with a sad laugh.

As Nick began to tell Miley everything from the time he met Melody to why he was in Texas. She didn’t say anything as Nick told her everything. Her eyes never left his as she listened, she tried to keep her composure as he revealed his darkest time to her.

“Now I’ve lost her forever.” Nick said finishing his tale.

“What started your depression when you first met her?” Miley asked, she knew the answer but she needed to hear it.

“Us breaking up.” Nick admitted. “I was in a bad place after we ended things.”

“Oh Nick, I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Nick said taking her hand in his shaking one.

Miley pushed back Nick’s hair back before kissing his forehead. After all the pain she cause him she knew she had to help him.

“I can stay as long as you need me to.” Miley said smiling at Nick.

Nick couldn’t help but smile when he saw how her face brightened with one smile.

“Is your boyfriend going to be ok with this?”

“He will be.” She said with a shrug. “I’m not thinking about him right now.”

“Thank you.” Nick said his smile dropping. “I couldn’t have anyone who knew Melody be here while I get over this.”

“I understand.” Miley said before standing up again. “I’m going to make you something to eat. You look like you could use a healthy meal right now.”

“That sounds great.”

Nick watched as Miley left the room. He was already feeling better having a friend with him. He knew with her help he would be able to get over his problems.