Who Am I?

Death doesn't scare me as it does others.

I'm not afraid of the end of my existence on this world. The death of those around me doesn't make me cry. I'm untouched by death in a way.

My heart is torn, broken. The friends I thought I had seem to be faking our friendship for their own enjoyment. The pain I feel now makes me remember things I've tried to forget. Memories of the days when I would have let myself be murdered just to escape the pain I had felt. Those thoughts still torment me, silently like blades tearing apart my weak flesh and fragile bones.

Death doesn't torment me, like others. I see it as needed so new stuff can be born. Even the immortal eventually let themselves die so the next generations so live on and inherit their treasures.

I once read a quote, talking about childhood being a kingdom where nobody ever dies. What does this mean for me? Does it mean that I never had a childhood, because I wanted death when I was young, or does it mean that I am always in childhood since death doesn't stop me from living even when I don't want to?

Is childhood a disguise for immortality of the heart, the belief that no one ever truly dies? Would the immortal be considered the living essence of childhood?

Death doesn't scare me because I once begged for death to come, even when Death was so far away that he would have never heard me. I am not afraid of dyeing, because I know there's something better than Hell waiting for those who want Death. I've seen the other side, and it's not that bad over there.

Or am I just imagining everything I believe is true? Maybe death is the final end.
Where does that leave me?
What does that make me?