Weekend Wars

The first few weeks were dreadful. I remember walking home that day was seemingly the loneliest moment of my life. I felt like I was a million pounds and it took me two times longer than it normally would to walk back. I collapsed in bed and didn't leave until afternoon the next day. But it got better, it always does.

I started to get more involved in school again and maintained better grades and actually concentrated. I found more time and energy to hangout with my friends, in between working of course. Jay had actually promoted me for being such a good worker - I hadn't had any more spills upon becoming a barista again. But I never stopped thinking about Adam.. and hoped he had never stopped thinking about me. But I certainly felt some guilt.

High school was high school and you'd always have crushes, and it was hard to keep my mind set solely on someone I never saw anymore. Adam was still in my heart but a boy named Jeremy London was creeping into my thoughts every now and then, and it didn't help that he seemed to be taking an interest in me as well. Admittedly, Jeremy and I had been hanging out more than I had been with my friends. I thought about asking him out a few times, but as my birthday came closer, I felt more uneasy about my feelings for him.

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On October 29th, my eighteenth birthday came. I woke up extra early to get ready, clean the house, and set up decorations since this year I was actually having a party. I figured I didn't need anything lavish or extreme, I was just having a few friends over. Turning 18 wouldn't have been so exciting save the fact that I would see Adam that day - a thought that had been making me nauseous for the past week.

Guests arrived one by one, friends, family, the cousins of course, all while I sat by awkwardly waiting for Adam. I hadn't called him due to the fact that I think if I heard his voice, even over the phone, I might have thrown up. I was just hoping he'd remember and show up on his own. But as the hours went by, my expectations were proving to be fruitless. I tried my best to look happy - I should have been, just about everyone I loved was there, even Jeremy who had given me a warm hug as he arrived, but Adam was ruining everything. I needed closure, and bad.

As the day progressed and turned into night, the fake smile I had been wearing transformed into a genuine one. I was having fun and feeling careless. We all gathered in the backyard for more room since the living room was getting more crowded and the air was surprisingly comfortable for a fall evening. I cuddled up next to Jeremy, his arm around me as all sat in a circle playing truth or dare as the adults were sitting in their own circle talking. It was so relaxing, until I excused myself to use the bathroom.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, I headed back down the hall to the back door until I heard a knocking on the front door that made me turn. I gulped as my feet slowly dragged toward the door. I don't know who else it could have been. And as I opened the door, I saw that my prediction was right. There staring back at me was Adam, ten months older than I had last seen him. I checked behind me and after seeing that there was no one else around, I stepped outside.

We didn't have to say a word, instead embracing each other tightly. I felt a tear stream down my cheek and dug my face into his jacket to wipe it away. It took forever for me to finally break away. As I took a step back from him, I shivered, realizing how cold it was outside now.

"Hi, Breanna." he breathed with a faltering expression. I managed back a greeting, completely shaking.

I finally became conscious of how this situation never would have worked. You can't just take such a long break from someone and expect it to be the same. It wasn't.. it wasn't at all. But I didn't know how he felt and if I broke his heart I would never forgive myself. I was the one who did this to him and made him wait. I couldn't just take back my promise.

"Adam.. what do you.. how do you.. thank you for coming." I stammered, unsure of exactly how to word my question. But I think he understood well enough.

"You're welcome. Of course I would want to see you. I'm sorry I'm a little late.. the drive is a bit longer now. I moved. Work at a different bank now."

So he was further away. But we both had cars, we could manage. I just craved to know about the other aspects of his life.. had he met someone? Did he still want me?

I didn't know how to respond so instead I stared down at my bare feet, playing with my hands and trying not to faint.

After a long while of thinking, I finally asked, "how do you think we're going to be?"

He frowned and came forward to touch my shoulder. It was obvious when he spoke that he had been thinking about his response for a long time. "Bre, I want you to know that what we had was really special to me. I mean that so much. But I don't think that.."

I knew exactly where he was going with that, and instead of wanting to cry or breakdown.. I felt relieved. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't going to work. And I was okay with that.

I hushed him. "Adam. It's alright."

I gave him a soft kiss on the cheek before pulling him into another hug, and this time he squeezed me tighter than before, but this time he let go first.

"Happy Birthday.. maybe I'll see you around.."

"Maybe." I replied, though I knew that it would be unlikely.

I watched him walk away, down my front steps and down my driveway, get into his car and out of my life after one last look back at me. And it still all felt so peaceful.

At that moment, a hand touched my back. "Hey, uh.. who was that?" I turned to see Jeremy behind me, a questioning, though not accusing look on his face.

I was quiet for moment before answering, "just an old friend." I didn't give him time to ask anything else before I pecked him on the lips. Instead of pulling away surprised, he gave into the kiss and held me at the small of my back.

We walked back to the backyard together, hand in hand, as I thought what a perfect year it's been and what a perfect year it will be.