I Only See You in My Dreams

I've never been so in love in my life.
I just knew deep in my heart, Emily was the girl for me.
I had been thinking about proposing to her since summer, and I had finally decided i would do it today at midnight, New Years.
We are at a friend's party. it is 11:50, I'm running around the house trying to find her.
I don't want to miss the time, I want this to be the most special day in her life, I love her, I want this to be special.
I opened the door to the guest bedroom. Maybe she had come in here to re-apply her makeup.
As I rounded the corner of the room, my eyes were met with Michael's ass, as he thrust himself into a pretty blond laying beneath him. I quickly averted my eyes.
"I'm sorry dude, I didn't-"
"Adam!" I heard Emily shriek, in front of me.
I turned back to Michael, to realize that the blond underneath him was, in fact, my blond.
"Emily?"
I would have liked to put on a tough image, to be stoic. Instead, I cried, while my best friend slowly pulled out of my girlfriend.
I heard a loud roar coming from the living room. It was officially 2010.
I was officially single, with an engagement ring clasped in my hands.

_______

I've never been so depressed in my life.
I felt like such a fool, not realizing what was happening right in front of me.
There was never an ounce of doubt in my body. I completely trusted Emily. I completely trusted Michael.
but I forgave her.
I knew I wouldn't, couldn't, survive without her.
I felt pathetic, but I wanted her back, I wanted that cheater back in my arms.
I felt guilty, I knew she would only cheat on me if she wasn't satisfied. Mike was always more of a man than me. He did not show his emotions, his arms were as thick as some girl's thighs. He was a football player for chist-sake.
I knew he could never compete with me emotionally, he might be all that Emily physically desired, but she needed my emotional support. I would take what I could get. Maybe she would come back to me, and only use Mike for pleasure. The thought killed me on the inside, but I knew it would be better than nothing at all.
I wrote Emily a letter and put it in the mail on my way to work. today would be terrible.
The cold air nipped at my face. My nose was so cold I swear it could fall off.
I lit a cigarette and took a long pull.
I had quit last year for Emily.
I had gone back yesterday because of Emily.
I still had to return the ring, but I didn't want to do it myself. It would be so humiliating to walk in the store three days after purchasing it, asking for a refund. I'm sure the clerks would snicker. Look at me and agree, I wasn't good enough.
After the bus ride, I arrived at my studio. I hung up all my winter garb in my office and walked into my dark room. I picked up the prints i had left to dry last night and walked out to the large canvas room to look at them in proper light.
Emily was my favorite subject.
My office was filled with prints of her.
I sighed, these were probably the last photos I would ever get of her.
I set them in my office and started preparing my equipment, I had a client coming in at 9.
While getting ready, I thought of the temptations of my job. I was the only other person at my workplace besides my clients, who were usually beautiful women. I had never once taken more than a photographic look at those girls, while Emily fucked my best friend.
I didn't get it. I just didn't get it.