I'm Sorry I Can't Be Perfect
My story.
My name's Vy. I'm sixteen, I live with my family. I have a brother who's twelve. My parents own this little restaurant. I should be happy about it. It gives me the chance to work and get money and meet new people all the time, because most waitresses are my age.
Seeing it this way everything is perfect. The problem only starts when I'm not in the mood to work.
My father always tells me I have to do this, the next day I'll have to be there, because this girl is sick, and the other day I'll have to be there because he wants to go out. There's always something that makes him say I have to stay at the restaurant.
When I want to go out with my friends, he tells me I can't, because I have to work. Though, I hardly ever even want to do that. Mostly I just want to be in my room, talking to friends on MSN or writing stories. I'm a teenager, I should be allowed to have a childhood shouldn’t I?
One time we had this huge fight, because he wanted me to work, but I didn’t want to be his personal slave anymore. My father told me, he'd pay me for doing the job, though I knew it wasn’t much, if I ever got something. He always tells me, he'll pay me just like everyone else. In reality however, he lets me do the work, and then says he'll give me the money later. Later is always like two month, if I ever get it. So, I remind him all the time. For my Dad this is fun, for me, however, it isn't.
I'm sick of it all. I just want to be like everyone else, to have parents, who work for someone, who don’t have their own business. All my friends envy me because I have the chance to make money all the time. They don’t understand how hard a life like this is.
"You are going to work today, Jamie's sick.", my Dad tells me.
"I'm not. Look for someone else." I hate it, I can't even plan anything, because he always says I have to be there, even if I end up sitting at that table, listening to music, cause I don’t have anything to do.
"I did, no one's free. You're not going anywhere today."
"Yes, I will. Bye." I stood up, annoyed, eager to leave as soon as possible.
"You are going to say, I said!", my father started yelling.
After that, I didn’t say anything else, I just left, the tears threatening to fall down my cheeks.
It always goes like this. Him telling me to stay, me refusing, then he starts yelling and I leave. As soon as I get to my room, I fall onto my bed, letting out everything. I scream until my lungs give out, I cry until there are no tears left.
No matter what I do, it's always wrong in my father's opinion.
I like wearing black. He tells me to dress different.
I want to have Snakebites. He refuses to let me.
I listen to loud music. He tells me to shut it down.
I wear black eyeliner. He says I look like shit.
I'm just not good enough for him. He used to be my hero. When I was young, I looked up to him. I thought he was an awesome person. Now that I'm older and he's treating me like shit, I just can't do this anymore. No matter how much I wanted to look up to him again, it's not possible.
Though, I just want to make him proud, I don’t feel like changing for him.
Every time I think about us, what became of the father and daughter who used to be so happy, I have to cry. It's hard for me to understand, why he can't accept me, his own daughter, the way I am. He raised me, he made me the person I am. Why can't he just be cool with what he had made?
There's this song, that always remembers me of it. I love this song, though I can't listen to it, without having to cry. The lyrics fit so perfectly, it's like they were written about my life.
It's one of my favorite songs, Perfect by Simple Plan. I don't know if one of the band members really lived through everything the lyrics describe, but I really hope they know that many kids out there, feel that way.
So, "dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me."
Seeing it this way everything is perfect. The problem only starts when I'm not in the mood to work.
My father always tells me I have to do this, the next day I'll have to be there, because this girl is sick, and the other day I'll have to be there because he wants to go out. There's always something that makes him say I have to stay at the restaurant.
When I want to go out with my friends, he tells me I can't, because I have to work. Though, I hardly ever even want to do that. Mostly I just want to be in my room, talking to friends on MSN or writing stories. I'm a teenager, I should be allowed to have a childhood shouldn’t I?
One time we had this huge fight, because he wanted me to work, but I didn’t want to be his personal slave anymore. My father told me, he'd pay me for doing the job, though I knew it wasn’t much, if I ever got something. He always tells me, he'll pay me just like everyone else. In reality however, he lets me do the work, and then says he'll give me the money later. Later is always like two month, if I ever get it. So, I remind him all the time. For my Dad this is fun, for me, however, it isn't.
I'm sick of it all. I just want to be like everyone else, to have parents, who work for someone, who don’t have their own business. All my friends envy me because I have the chance to make money all the time. They don’t understand how hard a life like this is.
"You are going to work today, Jamie's sick.", my Dad tells me.
"I'm not. Look for someone else." I hate it, I can't even plan anything, because he always says I have to be there, even if I end up sitting at that table, listening to music, cause I don’t have anything to do.
"I did, no one's free. You're not going anywhere today."
"Yes, I will. Bye." I stood up, annoyed, eager to leave as soon as possible.
"You are going to say, I said!", my father started yelling.
After that, I didn’t say anything else, I just left, the tears threatening to fall down my cheeks.
It always goes like this. Him telling me to stay, me refusing, then he starts yelling and I leave. As soon as I get to my room, I fall onto my bed, letting out everything. I scream until my lungs give out, I cry until there are no tears left.
No matter what I do, it's always wrong in my father's opinion.
I like wearing black. He tells me to dress different.
I want to have Snakebites. He refuses to let me.
I listen to loud music. He tells me to shut it down.
I wear black eyeliner. He says I look like shit.
I'm just not good enough for him. He used to be my hero. When I was young, I looked up to him. I thought he was an awesome person. Now that I'm older and he's treating me like shit, I just can't do this anymore. No matter how much I wanted to look up to him again, it's not possible.
Though, I just want to make him proud, I don’t feel like changing for him.
Every time I think about us, what became of the father and daughter who used to be so happy, I have to cry. It's hard for me to understand, why he can't accept me, his own daughter, the way I am. He raised me, he made me the person I am. Why can't he just be cool with what he had made?
There's this song, that always remembers me of it. I love this song, though I can't listen to it, without having to cry. The lyrics fit so perfectly, it's like they were written about my life.
It's one of my favorite songs, Perfect by Simple Plan. I don't know if one of the band members really lived through everything the lyrics describe, but I really hope they know that many kids out there, feel that way.
So, "dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me."
♠ ♠ ♠
What do you think? x)