Me and Mr. Jonas

“You are my hero.” I put my hand on Ell’s shoulder and looked down at the dress/sweater combination she had picked. It was an amazing deep purple dress with a yellow sweater.

“I know…now go get ready so I can critique it.” She pushed me up the stairs of my home and bent down to pick up Tucker, who was admiring the yellow heels that matched everything. I got to my room and tried everything on, which surprisingly made everything flatter out just right. I walked downstairs and Ell gave me an immediate thumbs up.

“You look very pretty, Momma. Where are you going though?” Tucker asked me, grinning a toothless smile.

“I’m going to go out for a minute, get some time to myself.” I patted his head. “You’re going to stay here and play with Aunt Ell, is that okay?” He just nodded and went back to his Lego’s.

“Holly…you look stunning, that purple works really well.” She gave me another thumbs up. I blushed and ran back upstairs to do all the things I had to do to make Kevin fall back in love with again.

I left the house in a daze, wondering through the whole drive to the bar, if I really wanted to go through with this. I found myself at the bar sooner than expected, my foot having a mind of its own on the gas pedal. When I got out of the car I was greeted by coat check and hoped the girl took forever, but of course, when you want that college student working here for tips to go slower, she won’t. I walked into the hazy smoke of the posh bar and saw a small booth being occupied by a party of one. My heart started to race and I ordered a small shot of liquor before making my way over there. I threw it back quickly and let out a small burp. I felt the liquor kick in right when I was standing at the end of the circular booth.

“Kevin.” My voice hitched at his appearance, he’d stopped straightening hair and it made me happy. He wore clothes that looked too expensive for their own good and I sighed at my dress that was all of a sudden too plain.

“Holly?” I couldn’t tell if his voice was in disgust or joy. “Holly Miller?” He cracked a small smile and that made me hopeful.

“Yeah, that’s me.” I smiled and did finger guns to him, alcohol talking, I promise.

“You still look as beautiful as you did in high school.” His smile was becoming bigger, more genuine and I instantly felt the butterflies again. I tried swatting them with the memory of the lanky girl in his car, but nothing was bedding them back down.

“Thank you…you’re looking good too.” I smiled and felt awkward because he hadn’t offered for me to sit, “Can I sit?” I asked.

“Of course! Sorry…my mind left me.” He chuckled and I felt my stomach push itself into my throat and make my neck feel itchy. I sat down beside him and decided against scooting too close to him. “So what are you doing now a days?” He smiled a toothy grin and a waitress came and got our drink orders, I was surprised when he ordered a screwdriver so I ordered a dirty martini.

“Umm…I’m a teller at a bank.” I was kind of embarrassed considering that he was a famous rock star, but having a kid after high school can really screw up that whole ‘working for the government as a biological warfare scientist’ for someone.

“Did you not go to school?” He asked, and I wondered if I should tell he’s the reason why I didn’t get to go…because I dare not blame it on Tucker.

“I had…other obligations to fill at the time.” Knowing it was too soon to tell him about Tucker, I chose that reason. We sat and chatted for a long time about family and friends from the past. I filled him in on Ell and he mentioned that Joe was single. I giggled and made the point that she would be perfect for him considering she’s just as eccentric as he. He never mentioned the girl he was with the other day, so I didn’t bring it up, hoping it was just a bad date for the day.

“Are you seeing anyone these days?” He made it sound like an open offer, so I made it blunt that I hadn’t seen anyone since him.

“Not since I graduated.” I smiled, “I was let down one too many times, so I stopped relying on men.” I didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but I wanted to get my point across.

“I want to apologize…” He picked up on my mood immediately, and I thanked God he was very observant, “for that time in my life. Music became more important…and I lost sight of the special things.” He formed a guilty smile and moved closer to me, taking my hands, and I wondered if that screw driver was kicking in to his brain yet. “Not a day passed that I didn’t think of you, I want to let you know that.” He said and massaged the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Ditto.” I was star struck in the moment that he never forgot about me. He let out a guffaw of laughter and I felt stupid instantly for just saying ‘ditto.’ “Sorry, I’m so nervous…I feel like I’m on a first date again.”

His grin spread across his face, “ditto.” Was all he said and it made me grin now.

“Are you seeing anyone?” I wanted to change the subject because he was getting his kiss face on. I saw the obvious disappointment in his voice and he kept holding my hand, slowing down on the massaging.

“I’m…not single. Can I say that?” He was being picky with his words, so I let him leave it at that. I want this to work, so I don’t want to bring it up anymore. “Let’s hop out of here…want to go to the pier?” He asked me, smiling. I thought it was a little cool for the pier, it being October in New Jersey, but I let that slide and nodded. He left a twenty dollar bill and told me if that didn’t cover it, they needed to fix their prices. We chuckled at his small joke and walked out of the bar, hand in hand.

The drive to the pier was silent and dark, which time I wasted on staring at how much Kevin had grown in the past four years. I still thought of him being high school age though and had to put aside that he might not be as forward as he was back then. We stopped and got out when the sandy beach was in view and got out. He held my hand as we walked to the pier and I felt safe again, I shivered though and it made him offer his huge black coat.

“Thanks.” I said, taking it, teeth chattering from the brisk air. I slid it on gently and was instantly surrounded by his scent, I missed his over use of expensive cologne and breathed it in liberally. We walked almost to the end before it almost got so dark we couldn’t see, the lights only went so far and we were the only ones on the large pier.

“Do you remember what we were like in high school?” He chuckled.

“I do quite well…actually.” I remember it very well thinking about being in labor for 15 hours with Tucker, wondering how I got that way. We stood near the edge and looked over into the dark, raging sea, but when he turned to me and looked into my eyes, his eyes were mimicking the sea in a much more passionate way. I knew he was bending towards me, so I leaned forward, excited for the kiss.

His lips crashed gently into mine as a wave shook the pier and I felt my earth shatter at his kiss, it brought down any hate I had left over for him after high school and I took him in like a cool gust of air. His lips moved in sync with mine and I was easily washed over with my old emotions of him. The love returned to my heart and I instantly felt nuts about him again.

“Kevin.” I whispered as the kiss broke.

“I’ve missed that so much, I’d forgotten what it felt like.” He said touching my cold face with his warm hands, it made me shiver, but I embraced it. I hugged him hard, not wanting to let go, but a vibration from my purse made me stop dead. It was getting really late and I knew that would be Ell telling me I needed to get home. “Have a message?” he chuckled and stepped back. I nodded and dug through my bag trying to find the tiny phone.

When I pulled it out I saw a message, indeed from Ell, but not about me coming home. “I have to read this to you,” I smiled and opened my phone fully so I could have better sight on it, “Holly- If you need to stay later, I’ll spend the night,” I cut out the Tucker part and made something up, “at your place. Ell.”

His laughter boomed louder than the waves beneath us and he died it down a bit to answer, “I don’t think that will be necessary. I wanted to keep this meeting kind of PG.” He cleared his throat from the laughter and put his hand on the small of my back as I messaged her back telling her no, I’d be home in a hour and a half. When I was done, I rested my head gently on his chest as he stroked down my hair. “God I missed you.” He whispered and I felt his lips press against my scalp.

“I missed you too…I need to be forgiven though…” I felt bad for hating him for a few years after Tucker was born, and I needed him to tell me it was okay.

“What for?” He asked, confusion clear in his voice.

“I…hated you for so long after you left for tour that last time we saw each other…I hated you with a passion. I can’t explain it, I felt betrayed after you left, like you didn’t want me, and that was your way of telling me so.” I rambled, and he finally stopped me with a small kiss on the lips.

“Honey, you’re forgiven…I understand that completely…I hated myself, I didn’t even talk to my parents hardly in that small amount of time, and they were on tour with us!” He almost shouted and flailed his arms about. I chuckled at him and initiated a deep kiss, it started simple, but ended with us prodding at one another’s mouths hungrily. We knew what we were giving up by not going any further and we were about to explode.

“I think it’s time we head home.” I chuckled and licked his saliva off of my lips, tasting him made me hotter so I stopped and just wiped the rest off with the back of my hand.

“I agree.” He smiled, giggling slightly. The drive back to my car was hand in hand and I didn’t want to leave him when the time came to depart. “Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later?”
“Sure…call me whenever. I don’t work Tuesdays, it’s my day off.”

“Oh, so you don’t work tomorrow?” He asked, hope clear in his voice, but Tuesday was my day to spend with Tucker and I wondered if it was too soon to tell him.

“Kevin…I have to be honest with you…I’ve got something very heavy to show you if we hang out tomorrow.” He looked like he was digesting that for a minute before he responded.

“Okay…should I worry?”

“Maybe, look, I’ll call you tomorrow morning, and we can meet somewhere, okay?” I said, worrying now that he would get mad that I kept Tucker from him all these years.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for the call.” His smile was hesitant, but it felt good to see him smile at me. I got out after a small kiss and got into my car, not realizing till after he’d started the drive home, that I still had his jacket on. I took in his scent and had small tears fall out of my ears in fear that he would hate me after I show him Tucker.