An Old Beginning

Gerard trailed off, not knowing if he wanted to get into this conversation tonight.

“You can ask about him, you know,” she whispered. “I know you’re probably curious.”

“Is he good to Mikey?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t,” Naomi replied.

“So, you’re still with him?”

“I don’t know,” Naomi said with a sigh, avoiding Gerard's eyes. “We had a fight. Granted it was the worst fight we’ve ever had, but I can only imagine the stress he’s under.Although, it’s probably nothing compared to the stress you and I are dealing with,”she added with a smile. “But I hardly think I’d be gracious in a similar situation.”

“I guess not,” Gerard agreed, deciding to give the other man the benefit of the doubt, even if he did hate him. “Is he good to you?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t,” Naomi repeated with a smile. “I wouldn’t bring someone into Mikey's life that I wasn’t…”

“That you weren’t sure about?” Gerard asked, feeling his chest tighten.

“Yeah,” she whispered, sitting down on the top step.

Gerard took a deep breath, sitting next to her and propping his arms up on his knees.

“Did you ever…”

“What?” he asked her gently.

“Have you been seeing anyone?”

“No,” he said quickly.

“Why?” she whispered, glancing at him.

“Because I could never get you out of my mind. You were…you are everywhere.”

“I wasn’t going to,” she whispered, looking down at her hands.

“Weren’t going to what, sugar?”

“Move on,” she murmured. “That’s not even the right term for it. I didn’t move on…I couldn’t. But he was there and I desperately needed someone to be there. I needed emotional support and friendship and there were all these voices in my head that were telling me I couldn’t live my life waiting for…”

Gerard watched her carefully, seeing the tears come to her eyes.

“Waiting for me,” he finished sadly.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “But I couldn’t wait for you and not want you to come for me at the same time. So I tried to be normal. Or as normal as a teenager with a baby can be. I had a few close friends and they set me up on a few dates that didn’t amount to anything. Then this nice guy comes along and he’s…he’s the exact opposite of you and yet sometimes he seems exactly the same…does that make sense?”

“Perfectly,” Gerard muttered.

“I didn’t want anything serious,” she continued. “Just dinner and a movie. Just a night out to have fun and then go home to my little boy, but he was just so persistent and…and you probably don’t want to hear this,” she said, with a soft smile.

“Actually, I really do,” Gerard replied, wanting to know what it had been like for her.

“He was a nice guy, he was good to Mikey, he just…”

“What, sugar?”

“He wasn’t you,” she whispered, the tone of her voice letting him know that it was a fault of Billie's and not something she willingly looked for. The same tone also let him know that what she was saying was not meant to be taken as anything more than words. It wasn’t an invitation to get back together or even hold her, it was merely her way of telling Gerard that she missed him.

“And then he told me he loved me and…”

Gerard was desperately trying to get a hold of his emotions and get enough control to ask his next question. “Do you love him?”

Naomi stared into the blanket of darkness, sighing as she shook her head.
“I don’t believe in love,” she whispered.

Gerard turned to face her in disbelief. “What?”

“Love is just a figment of people’s imaginations,” she said softly. “It’s just…lust and obsession and fear of being alone that causes people to think they’re in love. I’m not that naïve anymore.”

Gerard could feel the shock seeping through his body at her words. “What about your family?”

“I believe in that,” Naomi whispered. “I believe in loving someone through a blood link, but as far as falling in love…I just don’t believe it exists.”

“So…you’re telling me that what we had was lust, obsession, and fear? Is that all we had, Nae?”
She let out a mirthless laugh as she shook her head. “WE didn’t have anything, Gerard. You had an easy lay and I had a crush that manifested.”

“You weren’t an ‘easy lay’, Nae,” he said, shaking his head. “I never thought of you that way.” Gerard looked over, staring at her for a long
minute before she turned to look him in the eye. “You don’t believe that what we had was special?” he asked, fearing her answer.

Naomi gave him a small smile. “What we had wasn’t real,” she whispered.

“It created something real.”

Naomi sat in silence, unable to argue with that as Gerard got to his feet.

“I should get going,” he murmured.

“Gee,” she said softly, standing up as he turned to walk away. “There’s something I need to know.” Naomi waited until he turned to face her before continuing. “Back when we were…”

She trailed off, taking a shaky breath. “It’s just…I remember that I believed I did at some point, even if I don’t believe it now, and I just needed to know…did you love me?”

Gerard stared at her with his feelings plainly shown in his eyes as he took a step forward. He slowly reached up to cup her face in his hands before brushing a tender kiss to her lips. “Then…now…and every moment in between.”

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*Sighs* That was the last update today.. And I told you, that you'd hate me for leaving it there. Im off to create some new babies (In the form of stories)
Toodle pip =D