Contagious

For some reason, Parker couldn't sleep on the drive back to Boston. She wasn't even sure what they were going to tell Orion about why they left her car along the interstate somewhere between New York and Connecticut. Martin kept the music down low so everyone could sleep, his eyes occasionally darting over to Parker. Her eyes were always on him. She curled up on her side, bringing her legs underneath her, and a soft sigh escaped her lips.

“You okay?” Martin asked, glancing over at her.

She nodded. “This is nice.”

He smiled. “Nice that I had to save you from getting eaten by a bear in the middle of the night on the interstate?”

She rolled her eyes. “We wouldn't have gotten eaten by bears.”

“Yes, you would've,” he said, nodding fiercely. “Big bears. Black bears, brown bears, polar bears. Any type of bear, really.”

Parker laughed. “Polar bears? In New York?”

“Especially in New York. It's been cold this winter.”

“Pray tell, Martin, how did the polar bears get on the interstate?”

“They escaped from the zoo.”

She laughed again. “And how did they escape?”

“I set them free,” he told her.

With a slow nod, she smiled. “So you set them free... So they could attack us on the interstate... Just so you could jump in and save the day?”

He sighed. “Well, now that you've figured out all my secrets, it's not as funny,” Martin said, shaking his head. “You just gotta ruin all my fun, huh?”

“Pretty much,” she whispered.

“You're right, though. This is nice.”

She smiled.

“Why aren't we just able to talk and laugh like we used to?”

“Because you're quoting Skillet,” she mumbled.

Martin laughed. “No, really. Haven't you ever wondered?”

“Every day.”

He bit his lip, glancing at her quickly before turning onto Orion's road. He pulled to a slow stop in front of Orion's house, glancing in his rear view mirror and saw that she and Ross were still asleep. “Three years is a long time.”

She nodded. “A very long time.”

“Some nights, I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'd just lie awake thinking about you; where you were, what you were doing, if you missed me—“

“I always missed you,” Parker cut in.

He barely smiled. “But I knew that no matter what, you'd return home at some point. And you'd return to me.” He shook his head. “Only, that didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to.”

She bit her lip, looking down at her hands.

“And I know it's partially my fault because of Dallas but... There's always going to be a part of me that belongs to you,” he told her. “And I legitimately don't want to ruin anything with you and Paul because I want you to be happy. But I wanted to tell you that.”

She paused for a minute before finding the courage to speak. “Do you...want to be friends again?”

Martin shook his head. “No.”

“Oh,” she whispered, her confidence dropping and she couldn't find the strength to look at him.

“That's not good enough. It's all or nothing, Parker.”

“But I'm with Paul... And you—you're with Dallas—“

He cut her off. “If you want me back, I'll drop her in a second, Parker,” he said seriously. “She could never compare to you. I don't want anyone else.”

“Then why are you with her?”

“Because you weren't here,” he answered, tone clipped.

Parker sighed. “That's not fair, Martin.”

“How is it not fair?”

“I can't do that to Paul.”

“Do you love him?”

She hesitated.

“Do you still love me?”

She hesitated again.

Martin sighed. “Because I never stopped loving you.”

“Martin... Why the fuck would you say that to me?” Parker asked. She should've been happy—and part of her was—but a bigger part of her was furious that he would drop it on her, especially when he knew she had a boyfriend. Especially when that boyfriend was his best friend.

“Because it's true.”

“So, what? You want me to break up with Paul so you can break up with Dallas and we can live happily ever after?” she scoffed. “It doesn't work that way in the real world.”

“It could,” he told her.

“There you go again, being all optimistic,” she snapped.

“Why do you have to assume it will all end badly?” he asked.

She glared at him. “Because it's my experience that, with you, it does.”

Martin scoffed, shaking his head. “Yeah, that's a real fucking nice thing to say to someone.”

She sighed. “I shouldn't have said that. It was harsh,” she said softly.

“Yeah, it fucking was,” Martin agreed. “But unfortunately, it doesn't make me love you any less.”

“Martin—“

“If you know one thing, Parker, let it be that the minute you realize you still love me and want to be with me, that I'll be here,” he told her. He turned around and shook Orion's shoulder, waking her up. “Come on, Orion, we're at your house.”

Ross woke up first, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It was near five thirty in the morning. He unbuckled and opened the car door, shaking Orion's shoulder again.

“Huh? What?” she asked, her head pounding.

“We're at your house, babe. Let's just go back to bed.”

A minute later, the car door slammed shut and Ross and Orion were walking up the stairs to her house. Martin stole a look at Parker, who refused to look at him. He wasn't sure if he had gone too far but he couldn't hold it in anymore. Dallas didn't make him happy—the sex did, but that wasn't enough for him to stay. Not when the only one he wanted was Parker.

Paul rolled over onto his back, his stomach sinking. He had been awake the entire time.

+

Parker walked around to the back of Martin's SUV, popping open the back and gently shaking Paul's shoulder. “C'mon, Poolie, we're at your house,” she said, loud enough to wake him but not loud enough to scare him.

Paul faked a yawn and got up slowly, climbing out of the back of Martin's vehicle and walking up the steps to his house.

Confused, Parker shut the door and followed him up, reaching for his hand. “You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, just tired,” he told her, his hand avoiding hers.

“O...kay,” she muttered, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Get some rest, okay?”

He nodded.

“And, um. Call me when you get up? We can do lunch or...something,” she said, suddenly feeling awkward.

Paul nodded again. “Okay, sure.”

“Are you mad at me?” she asked.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. He leaned down and brushed a quick kiss across her forehead before he sighed. “Do you want to stay? I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind.”

She bit her lip. “I think I'm just gonna go home and shower, sleep for a few hours,” she told him.

“Sure.”

She nodded slowly. “I'll...see you later then?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, his tone one that she couldn't identify, before he unlocked his front door and disappeared.

Parker sighed and turned back around, slowly walking back to Martin's vehicle and climbing into the passenger's seat, slamming the door shut behind her.

“You okay?” Martin asked, noticing the change in the atmosphere.

“Yes,” she told him, crossing her arms and staring straight out the windshield.

“You and Paul okay?” he asked, putting his vehicle into drive before pulling out of Paul's driveway and making the trip to his and Parker's street.

“God only knows,” she muttered. She uncrossed her arms and started picking at her nails. Anything to keep her hands busy.

Martin sent her a sideways look before pulling onto their street. “Think he's just tired?”

“I hope so.”

He nodded and pulled into his driveway, turning his car off. He sighed and shifted in his seat to look over at her. “I'm sorry if I pissed you off earlier.”

Parker rolled her eyes. “No, you're not. You're never sorry when you piss me off.”

He laughed slightly. “Okay, maybe. But you're cute when you're mad.”

She flushed and turned to look out the window. She hated how he could still make her blush with one comment. “Screw you.”

“True, you're always cute. My bad,” Martin said. He loved how they fell back into a rhythm when they were all alone. It was a feeling he wished he could have all of the time. “But I wasn't kidding. When you're ready, I'm here.”

She shook her head. “Don't you dare lay it all on me, Martin. That's not fair. I feel guilty enough.”

“Guilty about what?”

She didn't reply.

“That you're lying to Paul?”

“I'm not lying to him, Martin,” Parker snapped.

“You don't love him!”

“I never said I did!” Parker told him, groaning. “Jesus, why the fuck do you do this to me?” she asked, unbuckling her belt and climbing out of the car, slamming the door again.

Martin rolled his eyes and followed her down his driveway. “Can you stop running, Parker?”

“I'm not running. A lady doesn't run,” she mumbled.

He reached for her arm to stop her before she could cross the street. “Do you still love me, Parker?”

She avoided his eyes, looking down at her shoes as she tried to pull her arm from his grasp.

He didn't let her go. “Do you?”

“Martin, let me go,” she said softly.

“Look at me, Parker.”

Parker sighed and slowly raised her eyes to meet his. She felt like she was twelve again, as if she was reliving the moment when he once told her she couldn't date other boys because he didn't think they were good enough for her. His blue eyes never left hers, but hers traced all over his face. From the slight growth amongst his jaw to the dark circles under his clear blue eyes, to the way his hair was sticking up on the side of his head. She couldn't look away. And she didn't want to either.

“Parker,” he sighed and his free hand cupped the back of her neck, instantly crushing their lips together. He didn't need her to say that she still loved him—he could tell just by the look in her eyes. He could tell by the way she didn't pull away. He could tell by the way she grabbed his shoulders and held him close. He could tell by the way she plastered his body against his at the foot of his driveway as the sun was rising.

As fast as it started, it was over and Parker was two feet away, tears streaming down her cheeks. She shook her head.

“I can't do this,” she told him before running across the street and into her house.

+

Parker couldn't sleep. Again. She had changed from her jeans and band-tee to an old pair of OSU sweats and a tank top and was lying in her bed, staring at her ceiling. Her music was soft, Michael Buble, the music she listened to when she was sad. Her BlackBerry was in her hand and she was contemplating calling Paul. Or Ross. She wasn't sure.

It was about two in the afternoon and she had hardly moved. Martin had tried calling her five times before he finally gave up. He was many things but clueless was not one of them. He knew when Parker was ignoring him. She couldn't believe herself—she had promised Paul it wouldn't happen again and it happened the minute he was gone. She tried to tell herself she did nothing wrong—Martin had kissed her first, again, but that excuse was getting weaker every time she thought about it.

The fact was, she wanted to kiss him. She did or she wouldn't have let him.

With a sigh, she stood up and dialed Paul's number. She couldn't lie to him. He hadn't done anything wrong. He didn't deserve someone like her. He deserved someone who wanted him and only him, not someone who wanted him because he was an appropriate and convenient distraction. He deserved someone who would care about him as openly and as deeply as he cared about others. Not someone selfish.

”Hello?”

The guilt returned to her stomach the second he answered the phone. She bit back the tears she knew would form if given the chance and forced herself to speak. “Hey, um. Can I come over?”

”Sure.”

She knew something was wrong the way he only used one word. Paul wasn't the most talkative in person but he was on the phone. “I'll be over in a few minutes, okay?”

”See you then.”

Parker hung up her phone and dragged on her Converse and a jacket. This was one talk she didn't want to have. And the one she wanted to get over with as soon as possible.