At the bottom of everything.

A week passed in pretty much the same haze as the last month. However, from that point I happened to speak with Bam a lot more about what went on with my family during those last few hours in Finland. This may have made him feel better but it left me tired and deep within my own head; which is never good.
I still smoked too much cigarettes and swallowed coffee like there was a shortage but I found that my appetite had returned to normal and I took pleasure in cooking. When Bam was busy I started to take Captain for walks through the town or around the countryside. All these small changes and all in a week.
Despite all the talking we had done I had never mentioned what had happened with my brother that night and I should have known that it was only a matter of time before Bam brought the subject to my attention.
It was a Wednesday and the weather was beautiful. The snow had completely disappeared, the sun was shining and there was not a cloud in the Pennsylvania sky. Birds sang while I sat down to a lunch of coffee and homemade vegetable soup.
I heard Bam shuffle from his office down the hall and soon the young man, accompanied by Trouble, was seated opposite me at the breakfast counter with a large bowl of his own.
“Ville?” Bam asked almost sheepishly.
I nodded, swallowing a mouthful of coffee and gazed up at my lover. He was moving the spoon in a circle around the edge of the soup bowl, his face had a somewhat dreamy expression and his thoughts seemed to be elsewhere.
“Yes?” I answered after moments of waiting for him to speak.
“ I was just in the office and I was thinking –“
“Ohh Bam Bam, don’t hurt yourself.”
He scowled at me but continued regardless.
“I was thinking, maybe you should ask Jessi for help.”
“Jessi?”
“Your brother.”
“Ah.” My heart fell.
To hide my facial expression I looked back into the depth of my vegetable soup, as if expecting to find an answer all of my problems within the bowl; not likely.
“Ville? What is it?”
“Nothing Bamie.” I whispered.
“No, it’s something.” He snapped, “What’s Jessi done?”
“No—“
“Don’t say fucking ‘nothing’ Valo!”
“He just can’t help okay?” I lifted my full soup bowl and left it on the counter, “There’s nothing more to it.”
“Willa please don’t make me beg you. I had a hard time getting you to talk about your parents don’t make me do the same for Jessi!”
I leant against the counter and slid down until my backside hit the tiled floor. Bam watched me from where he sat at the table with a troubled expression. My heart beat fast in my chest, all the words my brother had dished to me twisted and turned in my head and I felt ill. Bamie jumped to his feet, sat cross-legged next to me and took me into a strong hug.
“Ville – I sorry. You don’t have to say anything.”
Again Bam was giving up, he wasn’t fighting or being a spoilt brat; he was backing down entirely. It was nice not having to fight for a chance but it wasn’t what I fell in love with. I cuddled into his warm chest and took a deep breath.

I had my bags waiting at the door and each of my friends had their own key to the tower. If I was going to be gone for long I needed my trustworthy grounds keepers on watch. Mige sat on the couch along with Gas and Linde. Burton sat next to me on the two seater. It was quiet, except for the sound of the road outside and the soft wails of AC/DC.
“Don’t worry about a thing, Vil. Between us this place will be just as you left it when you get back.” Linde smiled.
“I don’t know how long I’ll be.” I put my head in my hands, “Fuck. I am so sorry about this.”
Burton patted my back.
“It’s not your fault. We could all do with the break, you especially. J-just keep in touch okay?”
I was about to reply but was stopped by the sound of a slamming car door in my drive. Gas and Mige stood to peer out the window but by then there was a heavy pounding on my front door. I looked to Linde.
“Ville!” It was my brother. “Ville! I know you’re there! Open the damn door!”
I cringed and got to my feet. Linde took hold of my arm as I made my way from the downstairs living room to the hallway.
“You want one of us with you?” He asked softly.
“No. He’s my brother, I can handle this.” It was a lie of course; inside, I was bricking it.
As I approached the front door, I took long breaths and begged my heart to slow down. But with each footfall, it only beat all the harder. As if in slow motion I reached the handle, felt the cool metal beneath my palm, tightened my grip and pushed it downwards. The door opened to reveal my seething brother upon the door step.
“Is it true?!” He barked.
“W-what!?”
“What Mama and Papa told me about you and that cunt Brandon Margera!”
I swallowed hard, “Jessi, we don’t need to do this out here.”
“No Ville. Answer me!”
“Yes. It’s true.” I lowered my head like a naughty child.
Jessi simply stared at me, wide eyed. His nostrils flared and his canines bit into his lower lip. Then, angrily, he laughed.
“My own brother.” He chuckled spitefully, “You fag. You fucking queer!”
“Jessi. You of all people think this is wrong? I love Brandon, more than anything on this earth. I would do anything for him. I would go to the ends of the earth and back. I would give him the moon and stars and everything in between. If he wanted the impossible I would find a way to make it happen. Can’t you see that he makes me happy? He –“
“Your fucking poetry and words are not going to make me change my mind. You.Are.A.Fag. Mama and Papa told me you were going to Westchester, well, stay there. Don’t come back. I never want to see your fucking face again.”
“Because I am in love with a man?”
“Not only that but you are in love with Bam Margera. You know how much I hate that cunt! You know how he annoys me and fucking pushes my buttons. I didn’t approve of him as your friend and I certainly don’t as your lover.” He spat on my doorstep, “You fucking whore.”
With that last insult he fled from my home; I stood there, staring at the step on which he had stood.