Daddy and Me
Shower Time
“Joey, tell me what I’m supposed to do,” I say, propping him up against the bathtub. He looks as though he’s pondering my question, before slapping me and shrieking.
“Yeah, you’re real helpful. Okay… So, will you just sit here?” I ask, cocking my head to the side. Joey narrows his eyes at me, breaking into giggle.
“No seriously,” I scoop him up and set him across the room, against the door and lean back on my heels to see if he’ll stay where I put him. He does, so I scramble back across the floor and turn on the hot water, spinning around to make sure he hasn’t moved. He’s reaching for the hair dryer plug and I know he’s going to try and put it in his mouth.
“NO!” I shriek, sliding across the tile and slamming into the door. “No,” I say, unwrapping his tiny fingers from the plug. “You can’t eat that. You will die.”
He wrinkles up his nose like he’s going to start screaming, so I pull him up off the floor and cuddle him. He stops short of crying and just lets out a sigh.
“Okay, hold on,” I say setting him back on the floor and turning the bath water back off. “Stay… stay…”
I back up from him, making sure he doesn’t do anything. He stares up at me as I scootch him away from the door with my foot and shoot through it.
“Uhh, uhh,” I sputter to myself searching for his pacifier so he’ll keep shit out of his mouth. I drop to the floor and search the ground. I spot one under the bed and fish around for it, keeping an eye for Joey’s shadow under the bathroom door. When I pull it out, the pacifier is covered in cat hair.
“Ugh,” I mumble to myself, crawling back into the bathroom. Joey’s made his way over to the bathtub and is trying to pull himself up by the edge of the tub.
“GAH!” I spit, rushing over to him so he won’t fall in or something. Pulling him away from the edge, I swish the pacifier around in the small pool of water that collected in the tub to rinse the cat skank off of it.
“Here,” I say stuffing it in his mouth. He gives me a shocked look for a few seconds before sucking on it. I reach over and turn the water back on.
“Okay, sit here,” I say placing him back against the door. I strip as I slide back across the floor to the tub and turn the shower on, spinning around again to make sure he’s still there. He blinks over at me, sucking on his pacifier. I hop in the shower, ripping the curtain closed and try and wash my hair as fast as possible. I’m half way through getting the shampoo out of my hair, when I hear a giant crash. Shit.
I whip back the curtain to find that Joey has knocked all of Adrienne’s make up off of the sink counter thing.
“JOEY!” I huff, scrambling to get out of the shower and over to him before he hurts himself. He turns and looks at me over his shoulder, still sucking on his pacifier.
“Come on,” I sigh, hauling him up from the ground. He squiggles and tries to get away, I guess because I’m all wet.
“Sorry, but you can’t do that.”
I spot the basket we use as a hamper, and a figural light bulb explodes in my head. Dragging the basket over to in front of the door, I dump it’s contents out on the floor, line the bottom with a couple towels and plop him down in it. The sides are just high enough that he shouldn’t be able to climb out.
“STAY,” I say, hopping back into the shower. I just need to wash the shit out of my hair. That’s all. I scrub at my scalp to make the shampoo come out as fast as it will. The water finally runs clear, just as Joey lets out a gut wrenching screech. Turning off the water, I throw back the curtain to see he’s turned the basket over on himself.
“Joey!”
“Yeah, you’re real helpful. Okay… So, will you just sit here?” I ask, cocking my head to the side. Joey narrows his eyes at me, breaking into giggle.
“No seriously,” I scoop him up and set him across the room, against the door and lean back on my heels to see if he’ll stay where I put him. He does, so I scramble back across the floor and turn on the hot water, spinning around to make sure he hasn’t moved. He’s reaching for the hair dryer plug and I know he’s going to try and put it in his mouth.
“NO!” I shriek, sliding across the tile and slamming into the door. “No,” I say, unwrapping his tiny fingers from the plug. “You can’t eat that. You will die.”
He wrinkles up his nose like he’s going to start screaming, so I pull him up off the floor and cuddle him. He stops short of crying and just lets out a sigh.
“Okay, hold on,” I say setting him back on the floor and turning the bath water back off. “Stay… stay…”
I back up from him, making sure he doesn’t do anything. He stares up at me as I scootch him away from the door with my foot and shoot through it.
“Uhh, uhh,” I sputter to myself searching for his pacifier so he’ll keep shit out of his mouth. I drop to the floor and search the ground. I spot one under the bed and fish around for it, keeping an eye for Joey’s shadow under the bathroom door. When I pull it out, the pacifier is covered in cat hair.
“Ugh,” I mumble to myself, crawling back into the bathroom. Joey’s made his way over to the bathtub and is trying to pull himself up by the edge of the tub.
“GAH!” I spit, rushing over to him so he won’t fall in or something. Pulling him away from the edge, I swish the pacifier around in the small pool of water that collected in the tub to rinse the cat skank off of it.
“Here,” I say stuffing it in his mouth. He gives me a shocked look for a few seconds before sucking on it. I reach over and turn the water back on.
“Okay, sit here,” I say placing him back against the door. I strip as I slide back across the floor to the tub and turn the shower on, spinning around again to make sure he’s still there. He blinks over at me, sucking on his pacifier. I hop in the shower, ripping the curtain closed and try and wash my hair as fast as possible. I’m half way through getting the shampoo out of my hair, when I hear a giant crash. Shit.
I whip back the curtain to find that Joey has knocked all of Adrienne’s make up off of the sink counter thing.
“JOEY!” I huff, scrambling to get out of the shower and over to him before he hurts himself. He turns and looks at me over his shoulder, still sucking on his pacifier.
“Come on,” I sigh, hauling him up from the ground. He squiggles and tries to get away, I guess because I’m all wet.
“Sorry, but you can’t do that.”
I spot the basket we use as a hamper, and a figural light bulb explodes in my head. Dragging the basket over to in front of the door, I dump it’s contents out on the floor, line the bottom with a couple towels and plop him down in it. The sides are just high enough that he shouldn’t be able to climb out.
“STAY,” I say, hopping back into the shower. I just need to wash the shit out of my hair. That’s all. I scrub at my scalp to make the shampoo come out as fast as it will. The water finally runs clear, just as Joey lets out a gut wrenching screech. Turning off the water, I throw back the curtain to see he’s turned the basket over on himself.
“Joey!”