Undo The Stitches

I couldn’t believe him. There was no way I could believe him. He lies. He lies a lot. He lies and cheats. What could possibly make me believe him?

He’s my brother.

His face was expressionless. There was no way I could tell whether or not he was playing some sick joke. I couldn’t figure him out. I sat in silence for the whole car journey home. I hadn’t said a word. What could I say? No words can literally describe the confusion I am in right now. Dad. Our own Father isn’t capable of doing the things Sage described.

I don’t want to go inside and face him; I’m scared he will hurt me if what Sage is saying is true. What if he gets angry that I have found out?

But what if it’s not true?

What if Sage is just craving attention? No. He’s been different for days, acting strange and jumping when around people.

Maybe he has the wrong idea, maybe he thinks it’s dad. Maybe he meant someone else. I mean it’s our dad. How could our own father do something so…appalling? How could Sage have kept this from me for so long?

I honestly don’t know what to think. I can’t imagine what is going to happen now if everything my brother has described is...true.

“You coming?” Sage mumbled. His eyes were looking everywhere but mine. He had got my wheelchair out and had placed it in front of car door, giving me just enough room to lift myself up. I slowly nodded my head and placed myself neatly in my wheelchair before closing the car door and wheeling myself up to the front door.

I watched carefully as Sage opened the door, taking into account the fact that he was shaking quite violently as he turned the door handle to enter the house.

It was quiet. Everything was quiet. I furrowed my eyebrows as I followed Sage into the kitchen where he silently placed his keys on the kitchen counter before sitting himself down at the table. I sat in the doorway, just looking at him as the stress and relieve of telling me rested upon his shoulders. He looked drained, almost dead and I couldn’t help but believe every word he has told me.

Sage and I have always got along. We’ve been weirdly close as brothers. I always thought he told me everything. And I always told him my secrets because I trusted him. But now… I’m not so sure. I don’t understand why he would keep something so big to himself, especially including the fact that it involves me also. If what he is telling me is true then I don’t want to know what others secrets he has up his sleeve.

“Are you gonna say anything?” Sage suddenly asked, startling me from my thoughts. I looked up and instantly met his eyes. He looked genuinely upset. Actually, no, he looked mortified. He looked awful. His eyes were sunken, almost like the colour had been taken and replaced with a dark, brooding shade. I was angry but I couldn’t let out the insults and words I so wanted to say to him. I wanted to yell at him for being so sick and twisted but a bigger part of me knew he was telling the truth. All I could manage was a shrug of the shoulders, but it seemed to satisfy Sage as he carefully climbed back onto his feet and walked over to put the kettle on.

I watched him as he moved. He knew I was staring at him but he chose to ignore my eyes as he poured the boiling water into each cup. I couldn’t help but notice every movement my brother made was different than they were yesterday. His shoulders were slumped. His hands were shaking. His lips were curved into a frown. His back was arched. He dragged his feet across the floor as he placed the milk back in the fridge. He looked defeated.

I gave him a quick smile as he placed the mug in front of me. I was about to grab the steaming hot cup when I realised my hand was shaking, dramatically. I was too busy noticing Sage to see my own reactions to the horrific news. I quickly pulled my hands back onto my lap to hide them.

“Ibuprofen makes you stop shaking” Sage mentioned as he took a sip from his own mug. I frowned at his words, but said nothing of it.

“Sage” My voice was hoarse as I spoke “Can I ask you a question?” He slowly nodded his head and glanced my way quickly before shielding his face with his hair. “ Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

Everything went silent. I watched the stream raise from the mug as I waited for his answer. The steam vanished as it grew taller and for just a moment I wished this news would disappear, just as fast as the steam did. But that wouldn’t make things right.

“I thought I was protecting you”

That’s all it took and suddenly all the anger I had vanished. And instead of being hurt by my brother’s words… I was proud. Proud of him for managing to look after me and keep me from learning the truth. I was proud that he thought about me before himself and I was proud he was still standing, still able to get on with a normal…ish life. Still strong.

I just wish he had told mum.