Looking for a Lifeline

"Corinne?"

I looked up from the book in my hands and into Matt's eyes "Yah?" I asked, folding the book closed. Matt cringed, I laughed "I won't throw it at you, Sanders...." He sighed in relief "It's not heavy enough."

He scowled at me "Listen... can we... talk?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Sit." I sighed as he walked in and shut the door, sitting at the bottom of my bed, crossing his legs under him and turning to face me, leaning comfortably against the footboard "What do you want?" I asked, kicking my legs up and under me, my cast was finally off. Time flew around here, the past two weeks were the same though, Matt was never around much, and if he was he confined himself to his room and listened to music... Child...

"You to stay." He looked up at me, raising his head slightly.

"Sorry, alreayd booked my flight." I shrugged and showed him the ticket reciepts I had printed out the night prior.

"What can I do?" He asked, raising his arms "What can I do to make you stay, Cori?"

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I broke up with Val, told her everything that we've done, admitted I don't love her like I lo-.." He paused "Like I love you."

I bit my lip, willing my heart to stay in one piece, the one piece that was still standing that is.

"I love you, Corinne, I always have, I ju-"

"Just weren't man enough to tell anyone? Me? But you watched my heart break every year because of you, right? That was ok with you?" I asked, nodding to myself "I'm really glad I'm leaving. Beacuse I might drill holes into my head if I have to listen to any more of your bullshit, Matt. Really."

"Cori! I'm not lying! I was an asshole, I was a dick, a seriously stupid dick." He groaned and stared at me "I was wrong to play with your feelings like that, I was wrong to lead Val on when I already knew who I wanted. When I knew it was you from the first day we even started dating."

"That's so low!" I shouted and sat on my knees.

"I know! I don't deserve you to stay-"

"Good thing you admitted it, because I'm not. I'm getting out of here. My heart, Matt.... It's broken. And I don't think it's stupid enough to let you fix it again, and let you lie... So many years I waited for that maybe... So many years I wanted you.. but I figured you made your choice, and that it was Val. You can't fuck with me anymore, Matt... you just can't." I shook my head "Because I'm not your's to fuck with."

Matt's fists balled against his legs "Corinne." He breathed.

"No, Matt. You aren't getting your way. I'd rather be tortured everyday of my life than have my heart broken again." I hissed "I'd rather be beaten," I could see the anger rise in his face "Bruised" His eyes were nearly red "Used, cut, thrown into walls, than let you break my heart again."

He stood up quickly jolting the entire bed "Corinne, stop fucking talking like that!" He shouted.

"Why? IT's true, that'd all hurt so much less... bruises heal, Matthew. Bones mend... hearts don't. You can't put a cast around a heart." I felt tears in my eyes, knowing it was true, I'd rather let some douche bag beat me, than let the man I love break my heart.

Matt let out a scream, glaring at me "I don't want anyone hurting you, Corinne... and if you leave.." He breathed heavy, his anger taking over him as his fists balled up, released, and balled up over and over, his knuckles crackingunder the pressure "If you leave, someone's going to take advantage of you. Admit it, you're too nice for your own good, you'd let anyone in Cori. I'm worried, ok? I don't want someone out there hurting you-"

"Because that's your job?!" I shouted, standing up now also, watching the anger in his face not faulter as I walked closer to him, almost feeling the rage radiate from his body as inches of tense air separated us "It's your job to break me? Right? You don'tw ant anyone else doing it, because maybe no one will? Maybe someone out there will treat me right?!" I shouted.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He shouted, grabbing my hand roughly.

"Don't touch me!" I shouted and shook my arm, but his grip was too tight "Matt!" I shouted.

"You can't leave!" He shouted, this wasn't Matt....

"Matt let go, Matt..." I repeated over and over as he continued to shout at me, my hand was throbbing. His eyes were distant, like he wasn't on the same planet anymore as he readjusted, not giving me time as he quickly gripped my shoulders "Matt..." I pleaded as shook me.

"MATT!"

My eyes were shut as Brian screamed Matt's name and I felt someone grabbing me from behind. Matt's hands were off my shoulders, he stopped yelling, his breathing was drowned out by crying... my crying...

"Oh my god, what the fuck did you do, man?!" Brian shouted, his voice sounded distant.

I opened my watering eyes and burried my face into Zack's chest as Brian held Matt away "Fuck... dude.." Zack muttered as his fingertips moved over my shoudlers "They're like... purple.."

My hands gripped his waist tight as I sobbed into his chest, everything hurt. My heart, my body, my lungs... "Matt, get out of here." Brian hissed.

"Cori.." Matt whispered "I'm so sorry..."

"I didn't mean you, Matt.." I looked up "But now.... now you're the first for everything, happy?" I asked.

"What?" Brian asked.

"I guess he couldn't deal with the fact I'd rather have some douche beat me up than him... he hurt me emotionally, and he had to bethe first to hurt me physically... bravo, Sanders..." I held back a sob.

Zack pulled me into his chest and walked us out of the room, whispering comforting words into my ear as we walked into the kitchen. He knew exactly what to do. He reached for the top cabinet and grabbed the Gummy Worms, sitting down at the table, me still attatched to his side.

"Are you ok?" He asked, pulling back to look me in the eyes.

I nodded a little.

"Did he do anything else?" He asked.

"He's Matt..." I whispered "Of course not... And I don't even know what that was, he wasn't himself... his eyes were... so different." I whispered and burried my face into him again, not even wanting to look at the sugary goodness in the package on the table.