Oh My Effing God.

I ran desperately from the mirror in the bathroom to the mirror in the hallway… then back again. Although I was extremely short of breath, I then ran back to the mirror in the hallway; each time I would hold up my pink pants against me, then my gold shiny pants.
“FUUUCK! What do I do?!” I screamed to myself.
“Davey?” I heard someone call from the front doorway. “What’s wrong?” Footsteps echoed as the person/s neared me.
“I don’t know what pants to wear! Whoever you are, come help me!” I yelled back at my unknown potential stylists.
“It’s Blaire and Jade,” a women’s voice called, Blaire*, I suspected. (Unless Jade made a bit of a whoopsy…)
“Ooh! Yay! Blaire-bear you’re good at this kind of thing.”
“You think so?” I could hear her voice and footsteps getting closer, “I mean, I’m pretty awesome but I didn’t think fashi- Oh God.” Blaire shuddered and covered her eyes.
“What?” I looked at her, hurt and confused. “You don’t like my pink and gold pants?”
“Davey?” Jade stepped around Blaire, shielding her. “We all love your pants – you know that. We’re more concerned about your current choice of…apparel.”
“What?”
“Davey, you’re going reverse-Commando?”
“Whaddya mean, Jade?”
“Underwear, but no pants,” Blaire blurted, cackling like a witch – evidently she was over her original shock.
“Really?” I was still confused.
“J-just look down,” Jade commanded. I did so, and discovered that I was in fact pantsless.
“I thought it was a little breezy ‘round ma knees!” I grinned broadly.
“Wow,” Blaire muttered, “Come on then! Hurry up and dress yourself, we’re here to drive you to the mall for the DVD release.”
“That’s the reason why I’ve been pantsless! I can’t figure out wether to wear my pink or gold pants!!”
Jade sighed. “I say just wear a kilt and be done with it.”
Blaire wacked him over the head. “Don’t be stupid. Honestly, where are we going to get a freaking kilt on such short notice?!”
“You’re right, Blaire-bear, I’m sorry.” Jade pulled her into a hug. She stood on her tip toes and kissed Jade’s cheek, and he initiated a mini-makeout session, made ‘mini’ by my outraged foot tapping.
They had only been married three months, and were still in their own wacked-out version of puppy-love. Every one was sick of it…except me! They were so cute… but I had to act like I hated it, y’know, to save face and all.
Blaire looked at me apologetically. “I’m sorry, Sweetie-Pie. Did we make you feel uncomfortable?”
“Yes and no,” I mumbled, trying not to go psycho over their cuteness, “But I really, really, really, really, really, really need help on the pants issue!”
Jade scoffed. “That’s easy. Blaire-bear, you tell that mother-trucker which pants to wear!”
Blaire considered it for a moment. “Nah. You tell him.”
“You would let me?... Nope. We’ll tell him together: on three.”
Blaire nodded, her dark cherry curls bouncing.
“One…two…three.”
“Pink!”
“Gold!”
“What?” I looked at them strangely, it was the first time they hadn’t been in-sync.
“Pink, sweetie,” Blaire told Jade, “Pink.”
“No, he should wear gold – he’s wearing a black shirt!”
“Black and bright pink give an 80s feel!”
“Black and gold is bling!”
“Pink!”
“Gold!”
“Piiiiiiiiinnnnnnnkkkkkkkk!” Blaire whined, stamping her foot.
“Dammit you’re so cute,” Jade muttered. “Yeah, pink.”
“Well, if it helps, I was gonna with pink anyway. I trust Blaire more than you on these issues.”
“What?” Jade spluttered. “But you’ve known me longer!”
”Yes,” I soothed, “And we’ll be homies for evz, but Blaire is so darn cute. Cute people are never wrong!”
“Just like nice people aren’t supposed to go to jail?” Jade asked innocently, receiving a well aimed kick in the stomach from Blaire.
“Why, yes, Jade, yes,” I smiled, pulling on my bright pink pants. I could be a road works sign with these pants. You can see me from a mile away! Now… jacket.
I turned to the chair on which I had dumped possible jackets for the day, being a pink suit jacket and a purple suit jacket. Oh fuck…
“Blaire!! Help me!!!

At least I had my pink pants…?

As me and the band (plus Blaire) walked down some escalator, in some, mall, in some suburb, in some city, in some of state in Australia, the cheers of the crowd burst my eardrums. I had gone for the pink jacket to match my pants (although the jacket came from my pink suit, it was still a rocking combo with my pink jeans, yo), and was quite comfortable with my (Blaire’s) choice.
“I love you Davey!” I heard a random girl call.
“I love you Jade!” Blaire glared at a small fairy-like girl in the crowd and pounced on Jade so fast that he almost fell off backwards. They were still making out when they got to the bottom, and Adam, our lovely little drummerist, had to actually lift them up so they wouldn’t crash into one of the flimsy barricades. He is so buff… why can’t I be that buff? Oh right, ‘cause I’m the dark scary girl of the group…
The mall we were in had been opened up after hours for AFI meet ‘n’ greet ticket holders, but the exclusive event was still fucking packed… and I really wanted some cake…
We got to our mini-sage, and everyone except Jade sat down.
“Hi everyone,” he mumbled, trying not to get molested by Blaire again. The room filled with intense screaming; Blaire was jumpy, but she didn’t do anything. Jade sighed with relief. “Okay, well today, instead of Fans-asking Q & A, we’re gonna ask you questions. Is that cool with you guys?”
The crowd screamed ‘Yes’ loudly in unison, as if it were rehearsed.
“’kay!” I stood up and bounced over to the mic. "My turn first!” I waited for the screams to die down and continued. “We’re gonna pick people from the crows – one at a time – to answer our questions. But first I have a question for you all. Does anyone have any vegan cake? A good one, please.” The crowd burst out laughing.
No! I’m serious!
“Davey,” Hunter hissed, clenching his bass in frustration. “Ask the proper question!”
“Okay, okay everyone. I was kidding.” Nope!! “Now, does everyone like my outfit today?” My answer was an array of screaming and wolf whistles.
My pants blow all their minds…