Roses Have Thorns

Sitting in the plush black leather booth, I sighed as I watched the floor in front of me, just out of reach with the red rope separating me from everyone else there. My boyfriend was somewhere amongst them all, in the writhing mass of bodies and sweat and sexual tension. He'd decided we needed more drinks. I think he failed to notice the already full glass of Southern Comfort and Lemonade.

He was probably using it as an excuse to just go out and dance with random girls he wished he could screw. Hell he might be screwing them, how do I know? He has odd hours when he's at home, gone by 8am and back after 9pm, at which point he usually decides he either wants food, wants to sleep or wants to go out drinking with his band mates whom he'd just spent a whole day with in the studio.

Any other time, he's on tour, living in a tour bus and travelling around the country, playing his beloved guitar to produce the music that his thousands of fans lived and breathed. His life was music, and I was beginning to wonder if I had any part in this life of his. If I did, it wasn't shown very often.

Contact between us both had become terse and fragile lately. It was either short one word answers between the two of us, him never asking me how my day went at the elementary school, no it all revolved around his life and his friends. Does he realise I am actually here and want to see my boyfriend? Want to talk to him and have him hold me, cuddle me close, make love to me? Tell me he loves me?

He hasn't told me he loves me in three months. I wonder if he realises? I wonder if he realises tonight is our anniversary? Hence why I insisted I came out with him, in the vain hope that at some point throughout the night his drunken mind would realise that it was his tenth anniversary with his girlfriend who loves him more than life? Who puts up with his erratic behaviour and will continue to put up with it because I know somewhere deep down, he knows he loves me.

I just hope he remembers, and doesn't forget about me. He hasn't come back in twenty minutes, what could he possibly be doing?

Horror ran through me as thoughts of him with one of the scantily clad girls that were adorning the dance floor like coffee stains, staining the pretty atmosphere of the club with their horrific sense of fashion, their sluttish hair and whorish make up. Where any of them with my boyfriend?

I think I must have drunk too much, because I realise with slight amusement that I'm seeing double of the girl in front of the rope who is eyeing my empty booth with envy and jealousy. I'd thought they were twins until I realised I was wavering slightly. Stupid girl, you can have the booth, what's a booth with no one in it? I want my boyfriend back, not to sit here lonely and tired and now obviously drunk.

Grabbing the black Chanel bag, a gift from him back when he actually bothered to talk to me. When he got money and decided to buy a gift for me instead of blowing it on alcohol that only stimulated him for one night. My BlackBerry was procured from its designer depths, the screen lighting up as I randomly hit one of the QWERTY buttons.

It took me a moment to focus on what I was seeing, my darkened eyes squinting in desperate vain to focus on the screen of the phone. It was 2:21 in the morning, and we'd gotten here at around 11pm. I wanted to go home, and so I figured out how to get the phonebook up and found my beloved's name and number. Pressing the green phone button, it began to dial and I pressed it to my ear.

I wonder if he'd even hear his phone over the noise of the club. I pray he did, but it wasn't to be. I called him at least three times and not once did he pick up the phone. Scowling at its screen, I found my way to the text side and managed to formulate a text to him.

Zack, where r you? I want to go home

Rummaging through my bag I realised I'd managed to lose my keys and I suddenly felt overwhelming upset and full of emotion. Taking a deep breath that quivered I stared at the screen, and was surprised to see it light up brightly. After much focusing I could see the text from him.

I'm coming over

Oh now you come when I send you a text telling you I want to go home. Why didn't you pick up the phone you idiot? Sometimes I despair.

His figure soon came into view, albeit it I was struggling to see as I gulped down the rest of my drink. In his hand were two Coronas, one of which he handed to me as he sat back down. I drank it greedily, suddenly having an overwhelming urge to get even drunker than I already was. I didn't want to feel these emotions but I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my face, destroying the makeup I'd worked so hard on.

"What's wrong?" He asked, frowning lightly at me, taking a sip of his beer and eyeing me slightly as I put down the now empty bottle. Those perfect eyebrows of his rose up in surprise as I took his drink and put it to me lips, tasting him on the rim along with the sweet nectar of alcohol. Letting out a sob as I pulled away I wiped my tears away with a shaky hand.

"Lil, what's wrong? You're crying and I think you're well passed drunk," He asked loudly, so I could hear him over the top of the thumping music that blasted out from the various speakers set in place around the room.

"Nothing," I sniffled, letting out another sob and taking the final gulp of his beer. The many shots I'd had tonight and alcohol were hitting me hard now. I could barely see straight, I'd lost my keys somehow even though I've only been sat here the entire night.

"I lost my keys!" I suddenly wailed out, the tears falling faster, no doubt making me look like a complete wreck. Zack was obviously confused by my sudden change in attitude. I was an elementary teacher, I didn't go out and get drunk or scream random things or even burst into tears. But here I was a crying, screaming drunken wreck.

"Baby, they're here," He said, holding them up from where he'd produced them from his pockets. He'd been keeping them all this time? Why would he do that and make me think I'd lost them? I let out another sob and choked slightly.

"I think we better take you home," He mumbled, rolling his eyes slightly. He was obviously angry and annoyed at me, and I suddenly felt so helpless and unloved.

"Why do you not love me anymore?" I suddenly cried, his face was more shocked than anything. I'm not even sure I've seen him that shocked. But he remained silent as he pulled me up, taking my bag with him. He literally had to drag me through the club, at times he was the only reason I stayed upright. I have no doubt I was getting some terrible looks from people around me.

We got to the car and he obviously wasn't drunk enough to not drive, proven by the fact once he'd secured me inside he took to the wheel and started to drive home. His face was stony with no emotion written anywhere. I let out another sob and held my face in my hands, a sudden horrible feeling of foreboding hanging over my head.

He was going to leave me, I just knew it. I just knew he was.

"You're going to leave me aren't you? You're going to go away and find some new girl who's better looking and less nagging and just better than me. I'm sorry Zacky. I love you so much," I sobbed out through my hands. I didn't see his face but heard his soft sigh, and then suddenly the car stopped.

Looking up I was surprised to see we were home. When did we get here? That was awfully fast; maybe I was drunker than I thought. I mean I didn't realise that we were so close to home. He got out of the car and pulled me out, locking his beloved vehicle behind us and unlocking the house door. He said nothing as he ignored the dogs that were staring at us from their position on the couch.

"Hi Icky! Hi Maj!" I squeaked out, hiccupping lightly and giggling ridiculously as I waved at the dogs. Zack just pulled me along harder and I let out a whimper of pain as his hand constricted against my arm harder than normal.

"Zacky you're hurting me," I whimpered as we ended up in the bedroom. He began to help undress me and I suddenly stood there, head lowered as I let out a heart wrenching sob. I was all over the place and I had no idea why, I wanted my Zack back.

"Lily, what's all this about?" He suddenly said, standing up and pushing me back against the bed. I landed with a thump, in my bra and panties as he'd pulled my dress off me. I cried as I stared down my hands that laid limp in my lap. He brought my pyjamas over and began to dress me, putting my arms through my shirt and my legs through my bottoms.

"I love you Zack. I love you so much and I'm worried you don't love me," I finally said, the tears thickening my voice and making it crack slightly. He sighed and knelt in front of me.

"Why do you think that? I love you, I love you more than anything baby," He whispered. Tears fell faster and I let out another sob as I shook my head and sniffed slightly, the tears falling from my chin onto my hands, which Zack now held.

"But you don't talk to me anymore. You go on tour and you come home and go in the studio and you are with your friends and you don't talk to me. You haven't told me you loved me in months! And you forgot our anniversary tonight! I came because I thought you'd realise but you didn't and now I'm drunk and sad and upset and I think you're gonna leave me for someone better," Zack sighed and shook his head, smiling lightly.

Lifting up his hands, he cupped my cheeks and wiped away my tears, before sitting next to me and kissing me lightly.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I've got so busy with this album and all this stuff that I've forgotten about you. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to, please believe me baby. I still love you more than anything. And our anniversary, well I didn't technically forget. I got you something a long time ago and was waiting for the right moment to give you it. But I decided on our anniversary, only things went a bit wrong tonight. I was gone so long because Brian got in a fight with some guy and I had to sort them out. I'm sorry, I wasn't abandoning you. I swear. I love you so much Lily Jane Barlow, I've loved you for the past ten years and I'll love you for a hundred more. Please forgive me for being an asshole these past few months," He whispered, kissing me once more before getting up and getting something from his bedside cabinet.

I stared at him silent, my eyes glazed over with alcohol and emotions as I evaluated what he'd just said.

He still loved me; he wasn't going to leave me. My Zacky wasn't going to leave me, he was going to stay with me forever and I would be his sweetheart forever and I would love him forever. He didn't leave me tonight; he was being a good friend. And I believe him.

If there's one thing Zack doesn't do, its lie.

He loves me, and I love him and it's all perfect and nothing could make our relationship better. Even if I was a drunken mess on our tenth anniversary, Zack had told me that he still loved me, that it was work that had made him unresponsive and tetchy lately. I understood, his job was tiring and he was caught up in the music that he made. I understood.

That's what girlfriends do, they stand by their boyfriends no matter what. Through thick and thin.

He came back over and sat on the bed, his body dancing slightly in my eyes. Though I knew that was the alcohol speaking. He smiled lightly and even drunk I could see his nerves. He kissed me so hard and deep I felt like I would never breathe again unless his lips were against mine.

Pulling away, his sparkling ocean green eyes stared back into my own glazed hazel, and he opened up a black box in his hand that I had never noticed before.

"I wanted this more romantic, but I think three years is long enough to wait before gaining the courage," He laughed lightly, before kissing me once more. He'd never looked so serious in his life and I sobered up pretty damn quickly.

All this drunken shouting, anger, upset and hurt led to this. This amazing moment that I never thought was going to come until now. He was finally doing it; he was finally making us forever.

"Lily, you're beautiful and whilst I think lilies are beautiful flowers too, to me you're always a white rose. All roses have thorns, bad points about them. Mine are bigger than yours obviously, but you're still beautiful and fresh in my eyes. I'll always love you forever, and I promise you I'll always be there for you, just like you've always been there for me,"

He took a final breath before smiling brightly as he held up the box with the shining silver ring inside it.

"Lily Jane Barlow, will you marry me?"