If You Only Knew

“Well I was about to walk into the house after Embry and Quil, when…..” I began. I looked around the room to see that everyone was watching me except for Jake. He was tensed up and staring outside of the window behind Carslie. I was tempted to touch his arm and tell him to relax, but I scratched my head instead. I couldn‘t give into the pull, it might lead to a relationship and I don‘t want to get into another one of those again.

“When I was…..carried into the….forest” I hesitated. I didn’t know whether I should tell them who it was just yet. I still don’t know how they will react to it. Shut-up Edward

Edward shook his head and smiled. So he was listening. “So is that all you remember?” Sam asked.

“What do you mean?” I questioned. I decided to play dumb. I knew exactly what he was talking about but I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, or say the thing that they weren’t talking about.

“Do you remember who took you into the woods”

I bit my lip and looked down. I could lie, or I could tell the truth. I could take the risk of them finding out the truth, or I could keep it to myself. I looked up and saw Jake staring at me. Damn those eyes of his.

“Yes” I sighed. “I remember who took me into the woods and I know the guy who took me into the woods, happy now Edward” I confessed.

I saw Jake tense up and clench his fist one the woods left my mouth. This time I actually touched his arm despite the fact that I wished I hadn‘t. He closed his eyes and relaxed. I smiled to myself, seeing him relax. I liked the fact that I could calm him down. I didn’t like seeing him tense, or upset. It was almost a reflex to calm him down.

“You know him?” Sam questioned.

I nodded my head and took my hand off of Jake‘s arm. Jake opened his eyes and his face fell serious. I liked my lips and took a deep breath. Who knew what he was about to say? Either way, I know that I have to tell him the truth. “How well do you know him?” he asked.

“Well….” I began. I looked away from him and down at the floor. “As well as you know someone you dated” I mumbled. I was hoping that Jake wouldn’t here me but I wasn’t as lucky. He started to tremble and clenched his fist. Before I could calm him down he stormed out of the room.

“All go check on him” Sam said before walking out of the room after him.

I took a deep breath to relax myself. It took all of my will power not to run after him. I couldn’t stand to see him like this. I should have lied. I should have kept it all to myself. I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have just said that I didn’t remember and then I would be able to leave without anyone knowing that my ex-boyfriend is a vampire. Jake would still be in here right now. In fact he would probably be taking me home right now.

But no, I had to go and tell the truth. He just had to have those eyes that I couldn’t lie to. Why couldn’t this freaking attraction/ pull towards Jacob just go away already. If it wasn’t there then there wouldn’t be a problem right now. He would just be another hot guy that I knew. I wouldn’t care about whether he was upset or not. It wasn’t any of his business.

But I did care. I cared that he was upset. I cared that he stormed away from me. I cared that he wasn’t standing in front of me anymore. Most importantly, I cared that he was hurt and I couldn’t calm him down.

“You dated a leech?” Paul asked.

I nodded my head. “Well technically no. He wasn‘t a……vampire while we were dating” I explained.

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. Talking about the relationship Collin and I use to have brought back all of my old feelings again. The combination of my old feelings and Jake walking out on me (per say) was starting to get to me. I needed to keep myself under control. If I lose control then I loose control over my powers and that is no where near good. Who know what could happen if I lost control of myself?

“Well then why was he here?” Edward asked.

“I don‘t want to talk about it. I‘ve said enough anyway” I said. Jake wasn’t here anymore with his deep brown eyes so I no longer felt the need to tell them everything. Since I didn’t feel the need to I wasn’t going to. It doesn’t affect them anyway. It only involves me and them if I can find out who they really are.

I jumped off the table carefully watching me wrist. “It doesn‘t matter anyway. He‘s not coming back anytime soon of at all”

Edward and Paul opened there mouths to speak but was interrupted by a smooth female voice. Great there’s even more vampires than before. I seriously think I’m destined to have my life over run with vampires. Lately, that’s all my life seems to be about. If I see another vampire after her I think I’m going to lose it. I’m going to explode and just go crazy. Most people would love to be in my position but I beg to differ. If they want to take my place in this crazy world then be my guest because I’m so over it. I placed my left hand on my hip and tapped my foot as the female entered the room.

Her skin was deathly pale, as expected but she had a pixie like cut to her jet black hair. As much as I hated to admit it, she was gorgeous. She had a smile on her face as she stared at me, despite the fact that I was annoyed with her presence.

“Who‘s this?” she questioned.

“Alice this is Alyssa Jenkins” Carslie spoke. “She‘s a friend of the--”

“Dogs” she interrupted as she gave Paul a disgusted look. Paul growled and clenched his fist. First of all, Paul isn’t helping the fact that she called him a dog by growling. Second, why the hell is Paul growling? Third, why did she call Jake, Paul, and Sam dogs? I think some one is not telling me something.

“Listen leech--”

“Down boy” she said while rolling her eyes. Paul started to shake and stepped closer to her. I looked back and fourth between the two anticipating what was going to happen. I didn’t want Paul to do anything stupid like get in a fight with a vampire while 2 other vampires were around. I don’t care how many muscles Paul has, there was no way that he could win in a fight against a vampire. Whether she was a girl or not.

Anticipating what was going to happen next I blurted out Paul’s name. He turned around to face me and was still shaking. “Don‘t you think that you should go see what‘s taking Jake and Sam so long?” I questioned. Paul growled and clenched his fist tighter. I saw that this wasn’t going to be the way to get him to do something, maybe I should try another approach.

I slowly licked my lips and slowly walked over to Paul. “Well can you at least get me some ice for my wrist” I bit my lips suggestively as I looked him up and down. “It‘s a little hot in here….don‘t you think?”

Paul unclenched his fist and raised his eyebrow at me. I could tell that he was debating whether he should flirt back or ignore me. But why was he debating it? He’s a man-whore he’s not supposed to second guess these kinds of things. He was all over me yesterday, what’s the difference from yesterday and today. Did something happen that no one is telling me?

Paul licked his lips and smirked. Maybe he wasn’t debating with himself. “I think I-know-who would be happier if I went to go see what was taking them so long” he turned on his heel and walked off leaving me standing there dumbfounded.

Who was he-knows-who? Why would he care if I flirted with Paul? Why wasn’t Paul flirting with me? He was supposed to be my entertainment while I was in La Push but instead he turns me down. It’s not a wanted a relationship with him, I just wanted to be friends with benefits but no he couldn’t do that because of some guy?

Was the guy Jake?

Alice turned to face me and smiled the same warm smile that Carslie had given me. Actually I think her smile was a bit warmer and more inviting. Weird I know. “Sorry you had to see that” she apologized. She didn’t really have to, Paul’s just a hot head.A hot-headed man-whore who turned me down. “I‘m Alice” she said while holding out her left hand. She suddenly switched hands, I guess she remembered that my right wrist was currently in pain.

I nodded even though I had heard Carslie call her Alice. “I‘m Alyssa, Alyssa Jenkins” I introduced while shaking her deathly cold hand. There was no point in being rude, even if I am tired of meeting vampires.

Suddenly Alice’s golden eyes went wide for a split second a she stared at me. I dropped her hand fearing that I had done something. I didn’t know what I could have done but I didn’t want to take that risk. Carslie and Edward both walked over to us. I looked back and fourth between everyone. Did I really do something?

“What did you see?” Carslie asked.

Alice continued to look at me but her expression shocked me. It was confusion, amazement, concern and still happiness. Was this girl seriously always happy? Well if she’s still happy then that means that I didn’t do something wrong.

“You‘re being hunted by the Volturi?” she questioned concern dripping from her voice. Edward and Carslie quickly set all of their attention on me. I knew that they weren’t expecting Alice to say that. I wasn’t expecting her to say it. I didn’t think that she would be able to find out but apparently she has abilities just like Edward has.

I tensed up at the name. I hated heard that name in what felt like forever. Hearing it brought back the memories of that day. The day it happened. The day that changed my life forever. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths to keep myself together but I was losing. I could feel tears starting to sting my eyes.

I felt a cold hand placed on my shoulder but I pulled away from it. I didn’t want to be comforted. They couldn’t understand, they wouldn’t understand. They may be able to understand partially because they are vampires but they can’t understand the pain. That can’t understand the pain of having to leave everything behind because you were being chased. They couldn’t understand what it was like to have the person you’re in love with hurt and changed permanently because of you.

“Alyssa--”

“Please just stop” I interrupted. I opened my eyes to see them all staring at me with concern in their eyes. But I didn’t want there sympathy, I didn’t want their empathy I didn’t want anything from them.

I turned on my heel and started to walk away. “Thanks for the help Carslie” I mumbled. Suddenly Edward appeared in front of me at the door. I sighed, they weren’t going to make this easy.

“We can‘t just let you leave. We need to know why they‘re after you, we may be able to help you” he tried to convince me. But it didn’t work, it wouldn’t work. I didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. There wasn’t anything that they could do to help me. The Volturi could actually kill them, and I wasn’t going to take that risk. Whether I just met them or not. I’m not going to let anyone else get hurt because of me.

I focused on Edward and moved him against the wall in the hallway. Edward was completely shocked by what I had just did. I don’t think that it had fully processed in any of there heads what had just happened because I walked directly past them. I didn’t care if they knew I was telekinetic. They already knew half of my situation, what’s the point in hiding anything anymore.

Once I had reached the stairs I ran. I didn’t stop at the end of the stairs either, I ran out of the front door and onto the front lawn. I saw Jake and Sam walking out of the woods. I don’t know what came over me but I didn’t care. I gave in to the pull for a moment.

“JAKE!” I yelled. He looked up at me and I sprinted over to him. I ran directly into his bare hot chest and buried my face into it. Strangely, it wasn’t as awkward as I would have thought it would have been. I wished that I could have wrapped my arms around him but because of my wrist, I knew that that wouldn’t be a smart idea.

Jake wrapped his arms around me and burried his face into my hair. I didn’t care. I just wanted to be around him. He helped me to feel better. He helped me to forget all of the old memories, even if only for a little while. I liked being in his arms. I liked how he could comfort me without even doing anything.

I heard him say something into my hair about me smelling like a leech but it was muffled. Even if it wasn;t muffled I would have ignored it. I didn’t care what I smelled like at the moment. I just want to stay in his arms.

“I want to go home” I mumbled into his chest. I felt Jake lift his head from off top of mine but I didn’t bother to look up why.

Jake pulled me closer to him, but I didn’t mind. “Sure Lys, sure”