If You Only Knew

Alyssa’s POV

Kim picked out my outfit to change into. She said that it had to be something, cute yet subtle. It had to look like I wasn’t trying to get Jake’s attention,though I did want to. It did take a while since a lot of my clothes showed a lot of skin. Eventually we found something for me to wear and we were on our way.

It had stopped raining, but it was still cloudy. It looked as if it would rain again but I hoped that it wouldn’t. I was wearing a trench coat that didn’t have a hood; rain would not be a good thing.

There were small puddles everywhere on the ground. The ground was wet and muddy, making me wish that Kim hadn’t of picked my gold sneakers for me to wear. The air smelled of rain and bought familiar warmth to me.

The entire walk to Emily and Sam’s house, I was nervous. I didn’t know what I would say to Jake. I wanted to explain everything to him and tell him the truth, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know where to begin. Should I start with the telekinesis part like I did with Kim, or start with the meltdown.

I inwardly ground as I followed Kim along the path. I looked down at my shoes as I walked. This was harder than I thought it would be. I knew that it was too late to turn back, which only made my nerves worsen.

I guess Kim noticed, because she nudged me with her side. I looked up at her and sent her a reassuring smile. Kim only shook her head.

“You know, you shouldn’t worry yourself, Jake will understand” she reassured.

“But how do you know? After how I reacted I don’t even think he wants to see me again” I explained.

“Because that’s what imprints do”

And just like that, I was comfortable again. Somehow, I believed Kim. I guess because or her relationship with Jared. They looked so in love whenever they were together. Whenever Jared looked at her his eyes would light up and fill with love, the same thing goes for Kim. I knew that she knew what she was talking about, she had too. She was living out everything that she spoke.

Kim and I made small talk the rest of the walk to Emily and Sam’s house. Kim was actually a really nice person. We seemed to get along perfectly, though I already knew that. Kim and I had instantly cliqued that night at the bonfire. Somehow I knew that we would be friends, if ever given the chance.

As I thought before, she’s a hopeless romantic, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Besides she has every reason to be.

After a short period of time I could see the house. Seeing the house only made my nerves come back. I still had no idea what I was going to say to Jake, but I was going to say something. I had to, I wanted to.

I started to take deep breaths as we approached the house. Kim giggled a little as she looked at me. “Relax, everything will be fine”

I simply nodded my head but took one last deep breath just in case. We walked onto the porch, me trailing slowly behind Kim. She smiled and shook her head.

I thought that she was going to knock, but she didn’t instead she cracked the door slightly and poked her head inside. “I’m back” she spoke

“Finally” I heard a voice that sounded like Jared say. My thoughts were only confirmed when Kim giggled.

“So how did it go?” I heard a voice that sounded like Embry ask.

“Well why don’t you ask her” she then stepped inside, opening the door fully to reveal me. I really, really wish that she hadn’t of done that.

Everyone’s eyes then fell on me. They all seemed shocked that I was here. Everyone except Leah that is, she was uninterested as usual, but I didn’t care. There was only one person’s reaction that I cared about.

My eyes locked with his deep brown ones and I melted. They seemed to light up when I looked into them, even from across the room. His eyes are so deep and brown that I didn’t want to look away. I wanted to look into them forever. I never wanted to look away, from his amazing brown eyes.

I recognized those eyes though. I had seen them somewhere before. I started to rack my brain trying to think of where I had seen those eyes before. I cocked my head to the side slightly as I continued to stare at them.

That’s when it all came back to me. The russet wolf that was where I had seen those eyes before. The wolf from my dreams, and the wolf that tried to “save” me from Collin, it was him. It was Jake, Jake was the wolf. That meant that this was all definitely true. Jake was telling the truth, he was a werewolf, and I had seen him in wolf form.

“Are you just going to stare at each other or are you going to say something?” Embry spoke. His voice broke me from my gaze and helped me realize that I was staring. I looked away from Jake and down at my feet.

“Jake can I talk to you?” I muttered. My nerves were starting to come back worse than ever, but I knew that I had to do this.

Jake nodded his head and stood up from the table. I then turned on my heel and walked out of the house. I could hear footsteps behind me, letting me know that Jake was following. I walked off the front porch and continued to walk. I knew that the guys had very good hearing and what I was about to say, I didn’t want everyone to hear.

I continued walking and Jake soon fell into step with me. We walked in silence. I would give Jake side glances once in a while to see his reaction to all of this. His face was emotionless as he stared down at the ground.

“Jake” I finally breathed. “I’m really sorry about how I—”

“Its fine” he interrupted.

I stopped mid-step and Jake followed suit. It was fine, what did he mean by it was fine. It wasn’t fine, or at least it wasn’t to me. “Jake it’s not okay I should have—”

“Lys, its fine” he interrupted again.

“It’s not every day that you hear something like this. I probably would have acted the same way if you had told me that” he finished.

“But you don’t understand Jake. I wasn’t doing it because I was mad that you’re what you are. I’m the last person who needs to be judging someone because there different”

Jake furrowed his brows together as he stared at me. “What do you mean?”

I sighed and twirled the end of my pony tail. I would have to tell him eventually, I couldn’t avoid it forever. I might as well tell him now. I should just get everything off my chest and start over.

I sighed and looked down at my mud covered shoes. “I’m telekinetic Jake. As in I can control things with my mind. Meaning that I can make things levitate or float in mid-air” I explained.

Jake practically had the same reaction as Kim. His jaw fell open and his eyes went wide. He blinked a few times as he stared at me. He was in shock, utter and pure shock.

Jake finally shook his head and looked at me. “H-how long have you been able to….”

I sighed and looked up at him. “I started to a little after I moved” I confessed.

“So you…changed before me” he quietly spoke. I didn’t know whether he was repeating it to himself or saying it out loud, so I stayed quiet.

I was still nervous, I didn’t know how Jake was going to react to all of this. He might react the same way that I did when he told me. I decided to speak up before he could say anything else. I wanted to have said everything that I needed to before he over reacted.

“So because of that, I wasn’t going to judge you because of who you are. I was upset because….well…” I took another deep breath. I looked at Jake but quickly looked away again.

“I don’t want to be your imprint” I quietly mumbled. I spoke it so that it was barely audible, but because of his enhanced hearing, he heard me.

Jake eyes filled with sadness. He looked down at the ground and put his hands in his pockets. “Oh” he sadly and quietly replied.

I took a step closer to him and placed a hand on his warm arm. Jake looked up at me and locked his eyes with mine. I felt a pain in my chest when I looked at him. I wanted to break down after seeing him like this. My heart began to ache, it was just too much to see him like this.

“It’s not for the reason that you think Jake” I explained.

“Then what is it” he asked in a monotone voice. He was hurt, and he had every reason to be. I would be hurt to if I was in his situation. I slowly dropped my arm back down to my side.

“It’s because I don’t want you to get hurt like…..” I sighed and looked down at the ground. “Like Collin did”

Jake furrowed his brows in confusion. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes. I could feel the pain rushing back to me like water and a broken dam. I knew that if I kept my eyes open, that I would soon begin to cry.

“Collin is my ex. He’s the vampire that you saw me with that day”

Jake inhaled sharply and clenched his fist. He was shaking slightly but it wasn’t anything major. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “What about him?” he replied in a monotone.

“He got hurt because of me. He saved my life” I sighed. Jake immediately relaxed. His face was no longer, hurt or angry, it was now full of concern. Concern for me.

I began to explain to Jake what had happened that awful day. The day that I first saw him. The day that changed my life forever. The day that ruined my life. The day that made me the way that I am today.

The worst day of my life.